MoxieLife

Are We Really in a Depression

When I think about my mom's stories from growing up in the Depression or my dad's I am flabbergasted at what we call a recession. Here is one story from my mom that I will never be able to shake - I may not have all the details right, but I think I am close.

During late 30's my mom and her sister were given away to a family member (I think it was a family member) who lived in a farm. They had been living in Newark, New Jersey and their parents couldn't afford to feed them - so they gave them away. My mom must have been 8 or 9 at the time and her sister was 4 or 5.

On this farm they lived on oatmeal for two of their three meals. Plain oatmeal. Not the oatmeal I make today with soy milk, dried cherries, maple syrup... the works. No, just plain oatmeal. The farm also had goats and, I assume that meant they also had goat milk.

Picture this. 2 girls from the city were given away to live with long lost relatives on some farm somewhere in New York. They didn't have anyone who was particularly interested in them - this wasn't a loving Little House in the Prairie moment, it was more like sure you can live here if you don't make too much trouble and you shut up and eat your oatmeal.

My mom and her sister were used to running around the city pretty unsupervised. They would go to the movies and play in the streets. I don't know if you have read A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, but I always assumed that was how my mom's childhood was like.

Well, now they are living on this godforsaken farm in the middle of nowhere.

And here is the kicker. Someone rapes my mom. She never really said who. She never really gave all the details, but I know some family member felt the need to molest her. They did not get to her little sister, but that was probably because my mom was there to protect her - but there was no one to protect her.

This was the depression. Oatmeal. Giving away your kids. Desperation.

This isn't what we have today. Today we have people standing in line to by crap from China at midnight to give to their kids. Are we really in a depression? Are we really suffering?

Every time I revisit this snippet of my mom's experience during the real depression I am stunned at our lack of understanding about poverty as a nation - we have lost what it means to be really poor. To have nothing. To be so desperate that we give our kids away thinking it is the best, but of course even that was tinged in terribleness.

I am not supposing that we need to experience the horrible state that our nation was in during the Great Depression, but I do think we need to put that reality with what we have going on today into perspective. I believe, totally, what we have people telling us that it is bad, but if we really looked around it may not be that bad. Are you thinking of giving your kids away anytime soon? Are you eating oatmeal plain two meals a day? I don't think so - maybe, just maybe, it isn't as terrible as they say it is. And if that is true, what is really going on?

Side note: my mom never ate oatmeal again, she hated goats, and she was reunited with her mom and dad a few years after. But those are all other stories.

Photo is my mom at my 3rd birthday party... I'm in the sailor suit, of course.

Missing the Point People

I am seriously freaked out about the behavior on Black Friday. People were shot, there was mass crushings, some lady sprayed a crowd with pepper spray, people grabbed and wrestled for things and all of this happened after our national day of thanks.

When a society decideds that competitive shopping is thier sport we have a problem. What is wrong with us that we want so many things? Why do we have this gigantic hole that we have to fill up with more and more things.

Is spraying someone with pepper spray really necessary for video games? I can't imagine it.

Years ago I went to Target the day after Christmas with my daughter and we saw a shirt or something in a bin that she really liked. I picked it up at the same time some grandmother had it in her grips. She pulled it towards her and at that very moment I was disgusted with people and their need for things. It was just a shirt. It wasn't something of real value - something that would even last and yet this woman wanted it so bad she wanted to grab it out of my hands. Needless to say I let her have it and walked hand in hand with my daughter out of the store, not buying anything.

There is nothing I want from the material world that will have be shoving and pushing to get it. Nothing. And I refuse to show that kind of behavior to my child.

I just feel that there is an emptiness to it all. That getting and buying is what the game is all about. But I also know that people are unhappy. They are unhappy with what they have. Who they have. Where they work. What they do. They can't seem to buy anything to make them less unhappy. Nothing is working. They drink. They take prescription medication. They shop. And yet they are still not happy.

What is wrong with us? Where are we as a people that our quintessential moments in life are filled with shopping and grabbing things? I am sad about it in a way that doesn't probably make sense. It makes my heart hurt in a huge way. We are missing the point of why we are here. I am starting to think that those bleak sci fri books that show the future as devoid of trees and health are where we are headed. I don't like it... not one bit.

Debate Over I am Moving On

I told my husband this week that I am no longer interested in debating anyone. After he stopped looking at me like I had turned into an alien I explained. I don't think that debate - online or in person - changes anything. Instead I am turning my power towards education and marketing.

Here is an example: A worker came to our house with his boss who was giving us an estimate to redo our roof (which we can't do, but it was nice to know it needs to be done.). He started in immediately on how it isn't fair that people in our town make so little and all the good old boys own everything and run everything. A rant. I listened... but before I started to scream that he could take some fucking responsibility for his life and stop blaming other people I excused myself and went inside.

What could I have done differently?

I could have shared that he ultimately is responsible for his future. If he wanted better wages he could: take a risk and open his own business, go back to school and get a trained, or he could work with other workers to negotiate for better wages.

He was REALLY caught up in his story. He would not have listened to me - but jsut the first part... that no one owes him anything and he can work with his own future might have been the best marketing tool I could have used in that instance.

Telling him my side, sharing his "pain", or even just listening wasn't getting anywhere. He is a middle aged white man in America who thinks life isn't fair. Whine. Debating him is a waste of my energy and time.

So, I quit. I am no longer interested in your excuses. I am no longer interested in debating the existence of your god. I am no longer going to share why you need to be respectful of our president. I am no longer going to "share" why you might be wrong... because you aren't listening. You have your idea what is right.

Instead I am going to focus my energy on doing good work, educating those that are interested, and marketing good tools for growth.

That's it. Gavel down. Debate over. I am moving on.

Flickr Photo: Asfart

I Love Boobies

Can't we all agree that we love boobies? I don't understand why schools are preventing kids from wearing bracelets with the tag line "I love boobies". It is an educational program aimed at teaching young kids the importance of self checking. That is a good thing. (Here is another story on the uproar from SFGate.)

Granted, I am the one who also did the little Babes for Obama campaign that irked my Boomer friends as being disrespectful to women. Me, I loved it. I think that our generation and younger have a different view of words - and ourselves.

We embrace boobies, babes, even bitch - in ways that our older generations cringe.

Call it a generation gap... or just a different approach for life. But I grew up in a sex positive world. My sister gave me the Joy of Sex when I was 13. I was supposed to feel ok about my body, my sexuality, and the words associated with it. Granted, there are still issues in my own head, but that isn't anyone else's issue but mine.

I still get that sex is a good thing.

Our bodies are good things.

Boobies, butts, breasts, vagina, vulva - you name it they are words that are empowering and, also, just words. I get that older generations might feel more comfortable with Breast Cancer Awareness and pink ribbons, but when was the last time that a ribbon symbolized anything real? I love boobies is pretty darn clear. No ribbons. No masking. Just saying it like it is - which is what Boomers taught generations X, Y and Z to do.

So, stop regulating words. The more you say someone can't say them they want to say them. Haven't we all seen that with kids... if you tell them they can't tell fart jokes anymore in the car they have to keep telling fart jokes and laughing their little heads off. So, stop it. Let the younger generations support causes the way they are going to support causes - even if it isn't YOUR way.

Another Clueless White Woman

On Friday nights I have the habit of watching the PBS News Hour (I have been watching this since I was a little girl with my dad), then To the Contrary, Washington Week and then The McLaughlin Group. It is the last one that drives me insane.

I can't get through the show without saying how much I hate the blond - I think her name is Monica. Apparently, she is also a commentator on Faux News, but I don't have cable so I am not aware of her in any other format. There are a number of things that infuriate me about her, but my number one thing is that she has little or no respect for President Obama. And, frankly, that behavior is exhausting.

Sure, I am/was no fan of Reagan, Bush Senior, or Junior Bush - their policies drove me insane, but I don't remember just hating them. Well, Junior Bush and I had our moments, but it was really just that he was rather dumb. In fact, Bush Senior, although being creepy and CIA-ish, is rather centrist now. It seems foolish given the extremes of the right or Tea Party that I even bothered to not like his policies.

What I am talking about, though, is the blatant disrespect for Obama both as the president and as a man. It reeks of racism. I know that they would never blatantly say that they were racist, but what else explains the crazy hatred for everything he or his wife does.

I rationalize that it is something with the 24 hour "news" cycle that means they have to fill the airwaves with commentary - they have to say something to keep people watching. And if they are pushing a forward or even subtle button on racism that will keep them hooked.

The truth is that as a white woman who grew up in Orange County, CA I don't have a lot of experience with African Americans. My daughter, who is going to school in the South, laughs at me that I really don't know anything about black culture. I don't. I am clueless - but that doesn't make me afraid. It makes me curious.

But I am not in the norm - the truth that I see - is that if you don't understand or know something you are automatically (maybe it is our primal nature) supposed to fear and distrust it. And if I am like most white people in America, we don't really know very much about black people - so, therefore, we are supposed to be afraid and in the end not trust/like/respect our President.

This kind of logic is scary on so many levels - but if I were Faux News I would capitalize on this obvious lack of understanding or knowledge. I could fill your head with all kinds of subtle lies. I could help you feel ok about your fear. I could make you feel ok that you not only fear black people, but that makes you hate them. And with that fear I could make it impossible for you to respect our President.

I am sad about this every Friday when I watch that silly "news show" on PBS. Wonder what watching cable news would do to me? We have a long way to go as a multicultural nation. We have a long way to go as white people and the first step, it seems to me, is to respect our President.

Photo: Flickr Barack Obama

War on Women

There is one issue that I am passionate about enough to march for and that is the right for women to have safe, effective and low cost health care. Right now our nations elected have decided that they aren't going to tackle jobs like they promised, instead they are going to make war on women - and I am boiling mad.

They use the idea that Planned Parenthood (who is unfortunately the target for their inaccurate hate and de-funding) provides abortions - but they do so much more and really they are in the BUSINESS of eliminating the need for them through low-cost, effective birth control. Not to mention disease prevention, HIV testing, cancer screenings - they take care of women. Period.

And Congress isn't.

I grew up with the right to have the health care I need to be safe. I grew up with the right to access. I grew up knowing that rape was rape and you couldn't call it any other name. I grew up in a country that was supposed to honor and respect the needs of 51% of its population.

Now, that is being eroded by men who are using their religious bent to decide that women's health is not only unprotected but pushing it back to places my grandmother would roll over in her grave at.

I have called. I have written and if necessary I will march because I will be damned if we go backwards and still call ourselves a Super Power.

Photo: Paige, my daughter, who I brought into the world that honored women and for her and her children I won't let this go.

Irrational Fear or Not

It isn't a secret that one of my fears is getting shot in a public place by someone who is crazed. My fear usually perks up in places where there can be irrational outbursts of anger (DMV, hospitals, McDonald's...). To deal with it I go into those places very rarely, if ever. I know it is irrational. I know my chances of getting shot by someone who is angry for being fired the day before is something that probably will never happen. I know this.

And yet, in light of the shootings in Arizona of the peaceful people meeting with their representative in a Safeway parking lot it all comes to clearly to me. That kind of senseless act is what drives my fear. Because people really do shoot other people. People who don't deserve to be shot.

To the people who are pro-gun, I say have your weapons. Hell, fill up an entire shed with them, but do not take them out in public... unless you are shooting ANIMALS... and even then be careful someone might get in the way.

To people like Sarah Palin who put cross hairs on people and say that those folks should be taken out - shame on you. Sure, you are probably just trying to prove a point, but there are angry unstable people who take you verbatim. We have to be careful with what we say.

The only good thing that can come from something like this is that we learn (relearn) to treat each other with respect and care. That we learn that our words matter. That we have an open discussion not just about rhetoric, but about gun laws. That we start to take responsibility for our actions and our words. That better happen or I am just going to have to lock myself in my house.

Photo Credit: Min-BakingProject

Passionate About Unitarian Adult Faith Development

Pushy, arrogant, or just passionate? You decide. Yesterday I had the privilege of speaking at the Eureka Unitarian Universalist Fellowship. I haven't attended in over 2 years for a number of personal reasons, but I have been in contact with them. I am the host for their Yahoo group, keep up their Facebook Fan Page, and answer other tech related questions. That isn't why I was speaking though, although I certainly have done that in the past.

Several months ago I sent an email to the then President of the Fellowship asking if they would be interested in hosting an Adult Faith Development course. I linked to the newest one by Dr. Thedanka for her to peruse. She politely said that she didn't think that the group would be interested.

I sat with that for several months.

Then I emailed the entire Fellowship using our Yahoo Group about the idea and was overwhelmed by the resounding YES to offering some kind or Adult RE. They were hungry for a 10:00 class or something that would fit their schedules, but they wanted something. That email then led to being asked to speak on Sunday morning.

I then did what I do when I am asked to speak - I thought about it for months, downloaded some information, bounced ideas off my Preacher Kid husband and then did nothing until the night before.

My goal for the talk was to share my passion, suggest some ideas to include an Adult Faith Development program, offer some tools, and offer my support.

I shared how as a UU I am passionate about my foundation - knowing where we came from and that although I no longer stand on the steps of either the beginnings of Unitarian or Universalist thought I am filled with pride that I have that as my history and can share my Atheist path within it's walls. Learning who we are and where we come from is a vital exercise in being able to articulate our own spiritual path and share it - not to mention that it puts us all on the same page.

I then shared some thoughts by some of our denominations greatest RE leaders, quotes from people who have done Adult programs in their congregations, and how you start a program - usually finding one really passionate person (hello, me!).

We moved into some specifics: where classes could meet, when, and how often.

I then shared how I thought it could work.

We could offer a Sunday Morning Reading with the UU's program where we take on a book each month (political, spiritual, ecology, etc.) and discuss the progressive chapters. This group would have no facilitator and just a passion of our beloved books and a schedule of what to read next.

Then we would - and don't gasp because it is what they want - use the new What Moves Us curriculum as a monthly Sunday service - bringing the entire congregation up to speed on our foundation as UU's. I know it will take some severe tweaking, but we have done this type of thing with other curriculum's (Welcoming Congregation & Building Our Own Theology) and it helps the entire congregation feel part of our movement. THis would be co-led by a team - and probably miss out on some of the deep benefits of small groups, but we could offer it again for that.

For small groups we would offer (during times that work for each group) the Spirit in Action program. This would be the life building skills and small group participation component. They would meet monthly in their small groups and be facilitated by the group.

I closed with a reading from a Small Group Ministry book - that our collective time together isn't just for us - but for the growth of our communities, fellowship, and those we touch in our lives.

After the service I was approached by many members who want all of it - on fire, they are! And one very touching moment when a member remembered a service he gave (remember we are lay led) where he asked the congregation who was a Unitarian Universalist and only my daughter and I raised our hands - he understood in that moment both our experience and why we are so passionate about our history. There will be more to come, but it looks like I am going back to My People (as I affectionately call them).

Photo Credit: Philocrites

We Don't All Think Alike

I am up, which is totally not normal for me, but I was incredibly hot and had a million ideas running around in my head. I figured if I could do my to do list for tomorrow, which is impossibly long, and get some of the creative things out of my head I would be able to get back to sleep.

I hope this is not what peri-menopause is, because folks I love my sleep.

The thing I really keep tossing around in my head is a situation with our executive board for our local Time Bank. (If you don't know about Time Banks take a moment to check them out, see if you have one in your area and learn about the movement.) We have a member of the Time Bank who is doing a lecture on "What is a Republic" in the community. This gentleman is a little kooky. He was on city council and created havoc because he refused to vote on any issue because of some ideological concept. Crazy stuff that would have made excellent reality TV. (Have I mentioned I live in a very weird town?)

Anyway, he wanted the Time Bank to promote his lecture. This one request spawned a huge reaction from every member of the executive committee. The idea of promoting an agenda, getting involved in a political issue, etc.

But that isn't what has me up at night: it is the idea that we think everyone thinks like we do.

Time Banking is kind of a hippie idea - probably socialist in some peoples view - or not. But to assume that everyone that is involved in the group is left leaning is wrong. At our Unitarian Fellowship I had assumed that very thing to be dismayed that there were Republicans in the house. Really, I didn't think that was possible.

We can't assume anything about a person; not by the way they dress, talk, look, social class, job - not for any reason.

So our JOB as human beings is to get to know them. To become familiar with them. And maybe to even understand them. No assumptions, taking the time to learn about one another. No rash generalizations, getting to know each other as individuals.

As for the Time Bank, I asked that we take this "discussion" out of email and we talk about it in person. Cooler heads will prevail in person where typed messages can be misread and misunderstood.

Photo Credit: AndyWoo

A Nation of Doers

Have you seen the American Express commercial with the founder of Patagonia? He says something dear to my heart, to do good you have to actually do something. I think we are missing something in our society: doers. People who risk a little personal comfort to get involved. People who see a problem and work to fix it. People who want to stop talking and start working.

I just finished reading "Bright-Sided, How Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America" by Barbara Ehrenreich and walked away from it feeling empowered to think critically, be active, and get engaged with life.

We have so many people telling us that we can think our way into wealth, health and happiness; preachers, new age writers, and business leaders. The problem with this idea is that without action those thoughts are just thoughts. We aren't making anything happen.

I don't want to be a downer, I have definitely been called a cheerleader, but I am also a realist - life needs proactive solutions not just daydreaming. And, honey, no one is going to do it for you.

Lately here are some of the things that I am thinking about - a mentoring program for teenagers in rural areas led by strong women, the pollution that occurs in Leatherwood Creek which runs right through my property and could be effecting my water and is definitely effecting the water downstream, a rural based venture capital program or seed started fund for small businesses, and opening my home to share food on a regular basis with friends (we don't entertain and I think we should). Can I fix all of those things? I don't know, but I might be able to start the process and see where it leads me.

Barbara Ehrenreich closes the book, which despite it's title isn't depressing, with the charge to make things happen and have fun doing it. I agree with her - let's be a nation of doers not a nation of dreamers! What are you doing?