MoxieLife

Another Blog Epiphany

In the last week I have been feeling less than focused. I realized that I am very effected by the lack of sunshine. It can be cold, but it needs to be sunny or I tend to feel unsettled, unfocused. It seems like such a small thing, the sunshine, but it is a huge impact on my mood and, sadly, my productivity.

I am embarrassed to say, but with all my gung ho spirit on my word of the year - focus - it has been hard staying focused. I realized that the number of distractions is formidable. My own push and pull, media, email, other people, family - nothing and everything. If I get off track on keeping up with my To Do list, I am lost. I get unfocused so easily... mostly by nothing except myself.

So, how do I get back on track?

Today I set three simple goals for myself. Clean off the little nagging paperwork on my desk, empty one more area in my house and do some yoga - nothing huge, just three things.

Tonight I am going to sit and write all of the things I think I need to do - a big massive list to get it all out of my head. I will do it after dinner, in my office, focusing just on that.

Tomorrow I will do the very same thing. Over and over. Sometimes getting out of a funk is all about recommitting. I feel like the drug addict that says, over and over that they are going to be clean. Each day they start new. Instead, I am saying I am recommitting myself to focusing on moving towards my goals.

OMG - huge duh moment! I haven't DONE goals for this year. I have these 12 intentions that I am working on in the One Little Word project, but they aren't goals. THAT is what I need to do too. I need to sit and see what I want to work on. The big and the little for this year. No wonder I am floating around here not exactly putting my feet firmly in place. I need to clear some space away to focus on what I want to be doing - otherwise I am like the ball in a pinball machine pinging and ponging towards anything that bats me around.

I would call this a blog epiphany... thanks for joining me as I wend my way!

My One Word for 2013

Since 2008 our family has been choosing a theme and we may still, but I have also been choosing words for myself. Sometimes those words have great meaning all year or they fade out. This year the word FOCUS just kept sticking into my mind. I am easily distracted sometimes. By people, ideas, opportunities, moods, etc and this year, instead, I want to focus.

I want to focus writing.

I want to focus on design.

I want to focus on taking better photos.

I want to focus on meditation.

I want to focus on doing embroidery as my one craft.

I want to focus on health and fitness.

I want to focus on quality time with friends.

I want to focus on my relationship with my husband.

I want to focus on diving deeply into simple living.

I want to focus on doing good work.

It seems like a lot to focus on, but really they are all things I want to bring attention to in my life. Not to get all new agey, but I truly believe where we spend our time is where we see success. It is a pretty simple formula. 

I am considering doing the one little word project, or going it alone. Either way I am excited to bring focus into my life this year and see where it takes me.

Do you have a word for your coming year?

Photo taken at the AMAZING Therapon party organized by Evolved Mommy.

 

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The Top 12 of 2012 Here at Moxie

It looks like I wrote over 200 blog posts this year - not bad. When I was going through them I realized that what I write about, mostly, is the heart. You might even call in Inspiration writing if it were catagorized in a book store. Funny, I never set out to write like that, but it is what flows through me.

Here were the best (according to me and what gets read the most) of 2012:

Embracing Y'all - I lucked out. I ventured out of California into the Mid-South and was able to slip into Y'all country. A friendly place where everyone is greeted on the same playing field, where it doesn't matter if you are a woman or a man - at least in the greeting!

My 5 Step Change/Disappointment Practice or How to Breathe Into Change - How do I work with change? How do I learn to relax into life instead of holding on to it with a death grip like a triple upside down roller coaster? How do I not get shaken and stirred by every wrong turn and bump I hit along the way?

Valuing Friends - And when those crappy moments happened I realized that I couldn't just call up my friends and whine.

Not Getting Swept Up in Anger - We all get angry. I experience it just like a fever - it rises in me until my ears are throbbing. It is as if an alien has entered my body and is taking hold and then just as soon as that happens it can vanish (that is one tricky alien.)  

Not Defending Mine - Today I have been thinking about the need to respond, defend, or say something. Do we really need to? All of the time?

What I Know About Controlling Other People - Lately, I have been thinking a lot about our need/desire to control other people. Our spouse, friends, volunteers, family, employees, etc. We all have the feeling underneath that we want people to do things a certain way. We want them to march in line - our line, to our rhythm, to our drummer. 

Shirking My Responsibility - Sometimes I want to shirk my responsibility. I want to lay it all down and give up. It seems like too much. It is on those kinds of days that I remember to just do the simple things.

Broken and Filled - My heart is broken by the loss but filled with the outpouring of love. It is with shock and dismay that I come to grips with the fact that my sister has died.

Giving Each Other A Little Grace - What if we were to act with kindness and compassion - clarity and integrity with every interaction. 

I Found My Tribe - I have, for years, been looking for my tribe. Women who are similar to me, who are interested in living open full lives, you are moving forward and creating community.

Free Presidential Debate Bingo Cards - It's that time of year! Debate season! For those of us who are sadly so geeky that watching the debate is what we consider a hot date with our sweetie I made these little bingo cards!

Why I Share - Lately, I have been thinking a lot about why I keep this personal blog up and running.

 

 

 

Keeping it Simple this Holiday

Simple is in for the holidays this year.  Just a few family gifts, some home made gifts for a few friends, simple comfort food, and activities that warm my soul.

I realized, when I wasn't feeling the big push to celebrate the holidays in a huge way, that I could do it easier. I put up our lovely little tree, am cleaning the rest of the house, but not adding any other decorations other than a little stuffed Santa and mason jars filled with candy canes. 

Shopping got a whole lot simpler. I decided that I didn't have to spend gobs of money on my family, I could choose small things that they would enjoy, I made a few things, and I sent our daughter out to do a little of the shopping for her dad. He had her do a little shopping for me too. It brought it all down to a level that was simpler.

I will be doing quite a bit of cooking, but this year we chose to do a roast which I will actually do in the crock pot, and you can't get easier than that. Some baking, some orange rolls... easy peasy.

We do a lot of fun things during the holidays that make it last for days. We do a puzzle, drive around and look at our towns Christmas lights, walk through the Christmas forest, drink hot chocolate, bake cookies, watch movies, sew, and just hang out together.

Granted, our daughter is in her 20's so we aren't pressured to get the latest toy and those that she wants (iPad and Kitchen Aid Mixer) just weren't in the budget this year. So our festivities are smaller, just like our little house in the woods and our family. Small, but happy.

 

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An Atheist Holiday FAQ

I get a lot of questions during the holidays from people unsure of what we, as atheists, celebrate. How do we want to be greeted? Do we send cards? Do we have trees? So, I thought I would do this little atheist holiday FAQ.

Do you celebrate Christmas? We do. I was raised celebrating Christmas in the Santa way, not in the Christ is the Reason way. It is a totally commercial holiday for us, but we enjoy the moment to be with family, share traditions, and give easily to others.

Do you celebrate any other winter holidays? Being raised UU we do. We celebrate Hanukkah to some extent, at least we put up our little menorah and we celebrate solstice, the first day of winter. We don't do Advent, the elf thing (we just didn't grow up with that), go to church on Christmas eve, Kwanzaa, or any of the other holidays.

Do you have a tree? We do, always have. It is just a sparkly wonder that celebrates the memories of family through the ornaments and tradition of putting it up.

Do you have stockings and presents? Yep, big on both.

Do you send cards? Sometimes, when I am not uber lazy.

Do you like to say Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, or something else? Any of it is fine. Our daughter is adamant about having people say Happy Holidays because it is more inclusive and suggests that you are at least aware enough to know that not everyone is a Christian. I really don't care. If you are more comfortable saying Merry Christmas, I won't be offended.

Do you have any religious traditions associated with Christmas? Well, because we feel that most of what Christians believe to be their traditions are actually pagan celebrations we don't attribute any of them to a holy moment. Years ago, when I was about 9, my dad took me to the planetarium and they showed the "star" that Jesus was supposedly born under and said that there was no way it was in December. Most likely April. That was a revelation to me at the time and made me realize later that the traditions are just that, traditions. If others put religious significance towards them that is their right, but I personally do not.

Granted, every atheist is different and I don't purpose to talk for everyone, but I hope this helped just a little. Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Blessed Solstice - Enjoy your winter holidays with all of those around you.

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Feeling Included and Excluded

I've been thinking a lot lately about feeling included/excluded. Then, last night, I went to an event that isnt' really filled with "my people" and, yet, I felt fine being there. So, what is that feeling of being included? Is it really something others do to us or is it something that we do to ourselves?

I think both. Yes, there are mean squirts out there that seek to not include you. No doubt, we have ALL run into them. My advice, stay the heck away from them.

Mostly, though, I think we exclude ourselves. We decide we don't fit in. We don't talk to people at events. We don't mix and mingle. We put up imaginary walls that could easily be put down if we chose to.

I am a MUCH shyer person then people realize and often feel on the outside. I know, though, that it is me who puts myself there. I feel like the awkward 9 year old I was and at a new school - all the time. Those feelings are hard to change and, somehow, to not feel excluded, they have to be overcome. 

Here are some things I do that help me feel less of an "other":

• During an event I say hello to as many people as I can by walking through the crowd, stopping to talk to a few folks, but mostly just saying hello.
• Volunteer. Busy hands are easier to deal with then sitting alone at a table. 
• Remember, you are not better or  worse than anyone else. This may be the pep talk you give yourself before you go in or during an event.
• After  the event, send a thank you to the person who held it, congratulating them on the success.
• Don't beat yourself for not talking to enough people or not connecting. Each social situation creates another opportunity to try again.

Sure, some people are more your tribe, but most of us are more similar than different. Locking yourself out of a group because you suppose that you don't fit in isn't the way to even find out if they are your people.

Looking Back - BLOGtober Fest Day 4

If you have been following along you can see that I am participating in the Arkansas Women Bloggers BLOGtober Fest to help focus and challenge myself to write more consistently on my blog. I get busy and don't prioritize what I am doing. We all get busy. In fact, it is the number one thing that women say to me, "I'm so busy." If I ask how they are, what they are doing or if they have time to do something else they each complain that they are busy.

Best Birthday Ever At 43

When my daughter and husband asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday I thought about it for a long time. Birthdays are important to me. I've had a bowling party, complete with embroidered bowling shirt and big shin digs on my lawn. This year, though because of the really recent loss of my sister, I needed something more. Something more personal, something that meant something to me, something that celebrated what it really means to turn 43 - and that is friends.

I told my daughter and husband to go to Home Depot and purchase 10 mums. Those mums would be delivered the Sunday prior to my big day to 10 of my friends. They arrived home on Saturday with a trunk of flowers - for me and my friends. The list had been made, and although not everyone that I care about was on it (I had made the 10 people rule to make th flower buying manageable), we were off on Sunday afternoon to deliver mums and notes to 10 women I care very much for in the town that we chose to live in 9 years ago. It was as much a celebration of women and friendship as it was honing in on why I chose this path, and this very funky small town, to bring my family to live. It was a decision that needed celebration.

What I thought would take 2 hours took 6. Each friend showed me parts of their home, sent me off with small treasures they had been saving for me, shared tea, and shared some of their lives you can only say in person. I don't see enough of these women often enough - which is my fault. I get very caught up in the myth of busy. What I wanted to reconfirm in myself through this adventure celebrating friendship was that making time for it mattered. It does. A lot.

Later, when my husband was driving our daughter back to her apartment over an hour away, I was in the bath and it dawned on me that I have friends. Real friends. You may already know that you have friends, but I haven't had that feeling since high school - I haven't allowed myself to take the time to honor that feeling. I have lost friends by being a crappy one and now, at 43, I realize it takes energy, a sense of adventure and valuable time to make and keep friends. 

I know that they are the greatest gift I will ever have - today on my 43rd birthday - and forever more.

Key: 1. Paige making up the 10 flowers to be delivered, 2. Dee, 3. Linda, 4. Jana, 5. Carol, 6. Kathy, 7. Kath, 8. Loretta, 9. Peggy, 10. Jean and lastly, my very best friend 11. Paige 

Note: There were SO many more that I could have, wanted to bring flowers to, but I kept my number at 10. This may just become my tradition - so who knows you might get me dropping on your doorstep on a Sunday afternoon to celebrate friendship. Until then, thank you to everyone who has celebrated with me over the years - I am starting to get why it all matters.

 

 

Checking in on World Gratitude Day

It has been a week of practicing gratitude - writing 5 things down each day. Not exactly the hardest practice to follow, but I noticed something the other day. I had crashed mid day for a mini nap after being at a conference for three days and getting up at the crack of dawn (and being on, you know what I mean). I woke up to the sun dappled through the oak leaves outside my bedroom window and realized just how lucky I was that I could a) go to the amazing conference and b) take a nap after it was over in one of the most beautiful settings in the world.

That feeling that swooshed over me doesn't always arrive. In fact, I can often just march through life checking things off my to do list or closing the books and moving on. The act of taking just a few moments throughout the day to pay attention to what is going right, seems to be rubbing off.

Sure, it has only been a week and often I am slamming to figure out five things that I am even remotely grateful for (my dog ends up there a lot), but even the afterthought of thinking about gratitude seems to be doing something.

Either that or it was one heck of a nap! Either way I am still practicing and I hope you will chime in with how it is working for you. By the way, it is also World Gratitude Day... not to put any pressure on you!

More about Gratitude: ZenHabits has a great post about learning a gratitude prayer. Author, Gretchin Rubin writes about gratitude and the link to happiness often.

The photo is from the Etsy shop of WeirdLittleWorld and has these beautiful blocks. Love that they are Martha Stewart font! 

Why I Meditate and How I Sit

Every time I stop my practice of sitting each morning for 20 minutes and go back to it I am reminded why I do it at all. Meditation for me is to stop the constant story that is going on in my head and to get a handle on the emotional roller coaster that hums through my system. I don't ascribe to any spiritual practice, but I recognize that having a practice of some sort is integral to the human experience. We can't go go go all the time! And meditation, for me, recharges my system and my mind in a way that nothing else does.

How I Meditate/Sit:

• I have a big cozy chair in my office. I also have a mediation platform in our sun porch, but most frequently you can find me in my chair. I am not a purist when it comes to sitting. I don't sit in a lotus position, on a cushion, or on the floor. I sit in a chair that is comfortable with my legs crossed.
• I set my iPhone timer for 15-20 minutes with crickets as the alarm. I have also used a digital kitchen timer and that works just fine too.
• I close my eyes and place my hands folded into each other on my lap. My posture is pretty good, head not forward, breathing calm and gentle.
• For the first moments I name my breathing. All that means is that when I am breathing in I say to myself, "in" and when I am breathing out I say "out". This helps me to concentrate and become focused just on my breathing.
• After I have gotten comfortable with my breathing and have settled a bit I just sit. Thoughts come and go and I let them drift in and out. If I find myself getting attached to a story (planning a party, redecorating a room, writing a letter in my head, etc.) I go back to naming my breathing.
• That's it. I do that for 20 minutes. When the alarm chirps. I turn it off and sit for just a second in silence with my eyes open to readjust.

So, if it is this simple why do it? For me the answer is that I am not the stories or the emotions that pulse through my mind and body - I am more than that. Helping myself not get caught up in those stories helps me throughout the day. I am calmer, my day is easier, and my heart is clearer when I am dealing with people and situations. I am my best self.

It is so easy to just ping from one thing to the next like a pinball, but setting aside the 20 minutes to be just with myself stops that in its tracks. It centers me in no other way. I have also successfully lowered my blood pressure, lessened skin irritations that are often caused by stress, and been able to unravel some of the strong emotions that come flooding through and get tied up inside. I have also been able to make clearer decisions in my personal and business life - that is enough reason to give it a try!

If you are interested in trying meditation I recommend reading  Thich Nhat Hanh, Pema Chrodon or Sharon Salzberg. You do not have to be Buddhist to find comfort in silence. My first introduction was being taught by Catholic Nuns... that's right, so many years ago. More on that another time! Until then, let me know if you try meditation, have questions or would like to know anything more about how to meditate.