I've been thinking a lot lately about feeling included/excluded. Then, last night, I went to an event that isnt' really filled with "my people" and, yet, I felt fine being there. So, what is that feeling of being included? Is it really something others do to us or is it something that we do to ourselves?
I think both. Yes, there are mean squirts out there that seek to not include you. No doubt, we have ALL run into them. My advice, stay the heck away from them.
Mostly, though, I think we exclude ourselves. We decide we don't fit in. We don't talk to people at events. We don't mix and mingle. We put up imaginary walls that could easily be put down if we chose to.
I am a MUCH shyer person then people realize and often feel on the outside. I know, though, that it is me who puts myself there. I feel like the awkward 9 year old I was and at a new school - all the time. Those feelings are hard to change and, somehow, to not feel excluded, they have to be overcome.
Here are some things I do that help me feel less of an "other":
- During an event I say hello to as many people as I can by walking through the crowd, stopping to talk to a few folks, but mostly just saying hello.
- Volunteer. Busy hands are easier to deal with then sitting alone at a table.
- Remember, you are not better or worse than anyone else. This may be the pep talk you give yourself before you go in or during an event.
- After the event, send a thank you to the person who held it, congratulating them on the success.
- Don't beat yourself for not talking to enough people or not connecting. Each social situation creates another opportunity to try again.
Sure, some people are more your tribe, but most of us are more similar than different. Locking yourself out of a group because you suppose that you don't fit in isn't the way to even find out if they are your people.
