Last night we watched The Help and although I had read the book I had an epiphany - I have often felt like Celia Foote. Granted, I am not a blonde bombshell from Sugar Ditch, but after moving here to the Ozarks I have had Celia Foote moments. I have definatley been the woman with the pie wanting to come to the party. That kind of rejection, cliquish behavior, and what I can only call Junior Leauge syndrome is something I didn't really expect and yet have found. I live in the South, what else should I have expected?
What I realized though last night was that I could stop bringing the pie to the party. Those groups are never going to want me as part of thier little clan. I'll never fit in and that is ok. I have chosen to give up. Really, the humiliation of trying over and over to be liked is exhausting and I am 42 years old. It is time to stop.
I have a lot of things I want to do and get done in this life and being roundly rejected by women is not something that is bringing me closer to those goals. I get it. I am not Junior League material - hell, I don't want to be junior anyway - I want to play in the Majors!
I could almost kick myself for falling into the trap of wanting to try. How humiliating and what a waste of time.
We moved here to live more sustainably, to cultivate our own interests, to invest in our family and our relationship, to have meaningful relationships, to do work that we found worthwhile - not to impress anyone, keep up with the Jones's or pretend we are something we are not. I could have easily continued working in Corporate America and made money, if that was the goal, if that is what made you actually happier. I could have impressed the neighbors with fancy things, but that was never what I wanted to do. I knew too many people hooked into that game and they were unhappy. They all wanted somethign else, but they were too trapped to make a leap.
Well, we lept, and I am not sorry for that. Our story is fun, filled with adventure, and maybe not the norm. That is ok. It is our choice and with that I think I am almost ready to realize that I am not going to fit into the scene. I am not going to be invited to the party. I never really had a foot in anyway. It just took a little help to figure that out.
