I think change is one of the most difficult things that people deal with today - maybe forever. No one likes to feel like thier world is crashing in a different direction then planned. No one like to have to shift gears quickly. But as John Lennon so aptly said, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."
I have experienced a lot of change in my life. Some of it was because I wanted it and some of it was not - either way I have had to learn to be extremely flexible and able to bounce along without my psyche becoming to unhinged.
Now, don't get me wrong, my husband will tell you I am like a stubborn child when I am dissapointed (working on that) and I am hard to please (working on that). In fact, the smaller more everyday dissapointments or changes are tougher for me to handle then the big life altering ones for me - I think I become a creature of habit and when my toast burns, there isn't any gas in the car, or my meetings get canceled I can be as big a baby as anyone. Give me death, moving, accidents - those things I figure out how to adapt and live with, but forget to get the peanut butter and I'm a raving lunatic (working on that).
How do I work with change? How do I learn to relax into life instead of holding on to it with a death grip like a triple upside down roller coaster? How do I not get shaken and stirred by every wrong turn and bump I hit along the way?
Here is my 5 Step Change/Disappointment Practice or How to Breathe Into Change
- Breathe: I actively remind myself to breathe. When I don't do this I can feel the tension building, but when I remember I can feel myself un-tightening.
- Release my Grip: Literally, I flex my hands and stretch my fingers wide. This simple act releases large amounts of tension.
- Not Talking: Change happens. Not everyone needs to know that I am disappointed in any given moment. So, I practice (and this is by far the hardest thing for me) not talking about it for a while. I don't call my friend. I don't vent about it. I don't even rush to share it at my next meeting or gathering. I sit with it. Either on an actual meditation cushion or just let it ruminate a bit in my head.
I have found that telling the same story about how disappointed I am, angry or just flabbergasted that my life isn't going along as planned it makes that feeling - the feeling of resistance to change - become solid. It becomes the reality - not the fact that change is going to happen, but that I am hurting over it. - Lists & Writing: When something gets thrown in my lap that I had not planned on I start making lists or writing about it. If I am writing I might write a few minutes about how the plans I had were changed and how disappointed I am, but then I shift gears and start thinking about the NEW possibilities. I give into the change and start working with what is happening.
If it just needs a list of what to do now that life changed I make a real list on real paper to accommodate the new details. - Action: If it is as simple as not having peanut butter I talk to my husband about who is going to go to the store and get some. If it is more challenging like a speaker not coming and I have minutes to prepare for that change - I do all of this pretty quickly. I might just do the first 3, create a plan in my head and get going.
Life happens and change is a major part of that experience. We all get comfortable with our plans, our routines, and want to have it all work out. The truth is that doesn't happen very often. Life is filled with big and little disappointments and changes. It is how we deal with them that makes the experience better. With practice, change can lead to new discoveries and open up doors that would never have happened if you had stuck to your original plans. Breathe into the change, as New Agey as that sounds, it has been revolutionary to my life and a constant practice.
