MoxieLife

Living Like Coco

“I don't care what you think about me. I don't think about you at all.” ― Coco Chanel

My daughter shared the quote with me last night and although it might seem harsh, I think it is spot on. Why do we obsess about what other people think of us? We know when we are being a prick. We know when we have said the wrong thing. We know when we suck. There really isn't any reason we need to check in with others.

We also know when we look nice and when we are slobs.

We know when we are parenting well and when we are monsters.

We know all those things - so why do we worry what Sally, Sue, Sam or Sonja thinks of us? Does it really change who we are?

I think not. I think what we do is sit around worrying if so and so likes us instead of actually getting down to the business of working. Whether it is work work or personal work - we avoid it to sit around gossiping and worrying. What a total waste of time.

So, like Coco, I am going to stop thinking about what you might think about me or what they think of me. Whoever "they" are.

It is a waste of my time... and, not to be gloomy, we only have so many days on this big blue ball.

A Ta Da Moment for the Socially Inept

Last night my daughter and I went to a Hannukah party. Seems like a simple thing. It is and it isn't. I am actually pretty shy in social settings. I never understood the rules to mingling - it seems daunting to have a huge group of people that you have to suddenly fit into. I chalk it up to being raised alone with just my dad and his totally devoted attention.

Before I go on, I know that most people probably see me as pretty outgoing. I run a lot of events, I do public speaking engagements, I manage big complicated projects - but those are all things that I control. I tend to do fine if it is something that I am managing - it isn't always fun, but I know what to do. I am not lost in a sea of people.

Back to the party.

We had said we wanted to go and when the time came we picked outfits, got ready, and psyched ourselves up to attend. We both agreed that an hour and a half was a good time limit - we didn't have to be the first to arrive - and we didn't need to be the last to leave.

I only know the host a little - he knows my name and I know his. I know what he does and I think he knows what I do, but we aren't close. I like him, but I am - as you can tell - a bit antisocial so we haven't spent much time together.

We got there in no time, found some friends of ours making latkes and then offered to help. I find myself more at home when I am doing something. We made a bunch of latkes before deciding we were ready to eat one ourselves. Abandoning our posts by the stove we wandered around, ate applesauce with cranberrys and latkes, had a few brief chats, had our photo taken and then said our goodbyes.

On the way home I realized that I could attend events by going, saying hello to a few people, and then leaving - I didn't have to commit to staying the whole time or even engaging with everyone. I know... you probably already know that, but for the socially inept it is a new discovery. A Ta Da moment! Looking forward to trying to put that into practice.

It Looked Different on the Model Book Review

It Looked Different on the Model: Epic Tales of Impending Shame and Infamy by Laurie Notaro
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I had not read anything by Laurie Notaro so I was unfamiliar with her style when I checked this out from our digital library. I just liked the name of the book - yes, judging it by it's cover. A quick read, it took just two nights to finish this slight book of essays - granted there were two I skimmed - I can only do so much gross humor.

When I started thinking about reviewing this, I got nervous. We live in a time when authors regularly troll their online reviews. I am sure they have Google alerts set up for every time their name is mentioned. Or they just haunt Amazon and GoodReads waiting to see how many stars people give their tomes. And while thinking of that I started to feel guilty for all the 2 stars I haven given books over the years.

Really guilty. I laid in bed on Christmas and thought about the books I rated poorly. A 2 star books means "it was OK", not exactly a glowing review. I tend to put 3 stars, "I liked it", rather then the dreaded 1 or 2. When I think about liking a book it is mostly due to the mood I am when I am reading it. Sure, there are books I just stopped reading - those awful Twilight books - but usually it is just that the book didn't fit my particular mood. The writing might just be fine, it might have a decent plot, but I might just not be that into it. Kind of like a boy I dated in junior high - he was really nice, but I just wasn't into him. It wasn't his fault at all and he is happily married now so I know he wasn't damaged or flawed to much.

It used to be easy to review books. I could just tell a friend that the book was crap and move on. Now though, with online reviewing you are not just telling your besties you are telling the whole wide world - and the author. They KNOW you thought their book was "just OK". They know that you weren't swooning about it to your book club. They know that you thought the plot was stiff and the characters even more so. And then they hate you. I am sure of that. No, I am not overreacting. If you spent months or years creating something and then some stupid person who has never spent months or years doing anything told the whole world that what they were doing was crap, well, you would hate them.

I don't know. Maybe authors have developed some super skin that they didn't have in the past. Maybe they can handle their horrid readers reviews. Maybe they aren't looking - although I know they are (don't deny it Ms. Notaro, you are reading this to find out what I thought of your book.) My only conclusion is that if I am honest to myself, the random group of people who read my blog, and the authors who stalk their reviews - I have to be kind, but fair. I have to share my real feelings -and yet pray that they are all realizing that I may just have been in a crappy mood when I read their prose. Hell, I hope you think that when you read mine.

As for, It Looked Different on the Model - seriously laugh out loud funny. My husband thought I was bonkers for laughing silently while reading. And Ms. Notaro, please never stop taking Ambien.

View all my reviews

A Super Simple Christmas

Yesterday was quite possibly the nicest Christmas I have ever had. It was relaxed. It was mellow and it was fun. We woke early, ate a nice breakfast, opened stocking gifts and then opened presents. I even got a shower in there somewhere. Later, I napped, made a tremendously easy meal (the Martha Stewart roasted pineapple and sweet potatoes were a must do again item), played and won Yahtzee, set up our puzzle, watched some cute cartoon called Home Movies, and then went to bed and finished my book of essays. Oh, there was a walk in the woods too.

I think a long time ago I gave up the notion of the perfect holiday. I don't cram a bunch of things in to try to be festive. I don't try to make my days nuts to enjoy this one day. We don't have any family around us so we get to pretty much do whatever we want to do. It is our holiday, our way.

And for me that means quiet, festive, and kind. Not an over the top, perfectly decorated, handmade extravaganza - those are nice, and I would like to add a few nice touches each year - but mostly simple makes me happiest.

I think also, a long time ago, I gave up the fact that I don't celebrate Christmas in the religious sense. I am ok with that. My cultural upbringing is to celebrate it as a family - no religion - and I am ok with that too. It isn't some big statement, it is a way to spend time with one another, celebrating winter and our family. That feels right too.

Perhaps, because my daughter is grown, we can see more and more simplicity around the holidays. Simple observances that don't cause me to fret over every detail... I think we are on to something!

New Holiday Traditions

This year for the holidays we are grasping at new traditions. The childhood memories we have of celebrating Christmas are lovely, as memories, but they ring hollow now. It isn't that I don't love the winter holidays, it is just that if they are to have any meaning at all they have to become your own thing. Something you care about.

On Solstice we have, for the last several years, driven around our little town looking at the Christmas lights. Some of them go to such great lengths and it is fun to see the creativity, tackiness, and Santa's in every possible situation - one was even coming out of an outhouse! Then we go walk in the Christmas Forest that a historic hotel puts up each season. The Christmas trees are lit and nonprofit organizations decorate the trees. The creativity is fun - the syringe tree from the local clinic was kind of eerie! Then you vote on your favorite tree with a $1 - money goes to the organization. We, of course, put our dollars on the tree for the nonprofit I work for - kind of a full circle thing. It was a nice quiet night and fun to see the sparkle of lights.

On Christmas Eve I'm not sure what we are going to do. We don't really have any traditions for that day/night.

Christmas morning we have a long, drawn out breakfast - we make it last as long as possible. We open our stockings and then we slowly open our presents. We used to "wrap" the door frames of the living room so that our daughter couldn't see the tree until it was time - we don't do that any more, but it was sure fun to have her run through the paper.

Mostly we just try to make it last as long as possible, be as mellow as possible, and enjoy the time together. Someone always gets a puzzle, so that will start on Christmas - or Christmas eve if we let someone open it. There is lots of hot chocolate each day and snacking in general seems to go up.

As for the main meal we seem to keep it pretty mellow. I am in search of a pineapple to roast with some sweet potatoes and our daughter wanted ham - so I guess it is a little Hawaiian this year! Perfect since I am learning Christmas songs on the ukulele (my Hanukkah present from my daughter)!

As our lives change - so do my views of why we do what we do - so building new traditions seems important. I like it - I really do.

Christmas in the 70's

I thought I would jot down some holiday memories that have been rattling around in my brain - perhaps getting them out would make this one seem less daunting.

• When I was a kid I couldn't sleep Christmas Eve and I would get up at 3AM and just sit in the dark living room. I remember that crazy amount of excitement about the surprise of it all*.
• *Well, it would be a surprise except for the year I opened every single one of my presents. I carefully unwrapped them and then wrapped them back up. I never let on that I had done it and, actually, the holiday was just as great.
• Every year we would finish opening presents at 6 or 7AM and then I would dash over to the neighbors to watch them unwrap their presents... it was like being part of a Christmas television show. I loved it, though in hindsight they might have thought it was a bit weird that I showed up every Christmas.
• I always got what I wanted for Christmas... granted I asked for things that were within reach, no stupid ponies for me. This does not bode well as a grown up when you don't get everything you want.
• Every year my dad would fix an amazing feast - Mexican, Italian, Shrimp Fest - and spend all day cooking. I think he was happiest in the kitchen.
• Every year at those same feasts someone would get mad, cry and/or stomp out. A cutting word, something flippant said, some mean remark - we weren't the best behaved family.

That's it. I think. Those are some of the memories floating around this holiday season as brief glimpses. Nothing too terrible. I'm not sure if I miss it, if I want to replicate any of it, or if it is just part of my fabric. I do know that Christmas deeply roots me to the 70's in Southern California more than anywhere else. I have made my own as an adult, but every year it takes me right back there to when I was a little girl and my brother wheeled in my banana seat rainbow bike. For good and for bad, Christmas memories swirl around every year as I unwrap decorations, plan meals, or reluctantly buy gifts for under the tree.

Still Grumpy

I want to write light hearted holiday posts, but instead I find myself crabby and grumpy about everything. There isn't one thing, it is more like a culmination of lots of little things. Maybe I'll just get them off my chest:

• Mitt Romney is a multi-millionaire who wears magic underwear. If there was ever a man who was clueless about Americans it is him.
• Newt Gingrich is also a multi-millionaire who was worried about where Clinton was putting his cigar while he was busy divorcing his wife in the hospital. He has never had a real job and is about as far from anyone in the 99% as Romney. Together they are both horrible and there is nothing left to say.
• Americans seem to have a never ending need for crap. We just saw the largest Black Friday we have ever seen - all buying cheap products made in other countries. Celebrating the saviour... so confusing it is unbelievable. Maybe that is why I am not in the holiday mood. I don't understand how buying plastic crap made in nations that are either economically or politically repressed celebrates the winter holidays. It is greedy, wrong, and not full of ho-ho-ho.
• I have, yet again, had to deal with crappy people in my little village. Trying to see thier internal struggle rather then fester on their need to make life miserable for others, but it is a bit hard. Ignoring them takes all the energy I can muster.
• I just found out the CLF - a Unitarian thing - just hired a minister who I can not stand as their Spiritual something or other. So frustrating to see the church I loved move closer and closer to embracing ministers who seem hell-bent on growing our Christian heritage. Makes me super grumpy.

Damn. I need to get out of this mood. It is real downer. If I don't start seeing the positive side of things soon I may lose my Pollyanna certification.

Flickr Photo: JD Hancock

Damn You iPad

I have been sucked in. Sucked into reading other people's blogs. Sucked into reading eBooks. Sucked into reading Facebook. Sucked in, totally. A month ago I purchased an iPad and I have noticed that my personal outpouring stopped. The device sucked me in and instead of producing I am just pulling in more and more information. Something I am not sure is all that healthy. Really, do I need to know, at the minute it happens, who Time magazine chose for thier 2011 Person of the Year (protestor)? Do I need to know all the reasons why Romeny shouldn't have bet $10,000? Does any of it matter as much as producing my own work?

And then there is the low grade depression. Something like a low grade fever. Not life threatening, but not feeling great. I think all of this sucking in of information has caused a bit of the blues. Granted, I also just completed 8 large events and several projects - so it could be a little event fatique too.

But if I trace it a bit further I think it has more to do with not producing. I am happier when I am writing. I am happier when I am cooking. I am happier when I am doing things that come through me rather than just injesting other peoples prepackaged things.

So, it must be about balance. I can't spend every moment attatched to a screen - even though it is so shiney and nice. Starting over, once again. Hopefully, I can, quickly, shake this feeling. It is the holidays afterall.

Flickr Photo: JaredEarle