MoxieLife

Patience the Blend of Life

Yesterday I had the pleasure of spending the day with my daughter. I drove over (she lives a little over an hour away now) and picked her up for a day that seemed to wind down the rabbit hole as far as time, but the company as so great it didn't really matter. Our main goal was to get a blender so that she could make smoothies. Her oral surgery has been quite the ordeal and for the last week she has been really unable to eat anything of substance - the pain, swelling, and appliance holding the false tooth makes it almost impossible.

First, though, lunch. Because of the eating issues I figured a soup might work so we headed out to Panera Bread. Tomato soup and a Greek salad in a crowded, but pleasant restaurant. It took her over an hour to eat because each bite has to be so deliberate, but we whiled away the time chatting and staring at the fact that all of the University girls wear Dolphin (or running type shorts) with giant shirts. It looks like they have no pants on or they are 5 years old wearing their mom's shirts. The crazy part is we saw tons of girls with this outfit/uniform on. After a while I just started counting them and calling out the numbers when I saw a new one. Weird how trends surface and are adopted so quickly.

Off to Kohls where, for the first time in my adult life - yes I am 42, I bought a nightgown. Two actually. They had Vera Wang on sale and I am tired of sleeping in event t-shirts so I bought myself two really cute and super soft nightgowns. What was I missing all these years?

Off to Target. Two hours. Two really long and patient bearing hours. But it was SO worth it. The blender that we found was a display model that didn't have a code, tag, price, and there were no others in boxes. It is a retro Oster with just a simple run and pulse feature. Super cute and perfect for my daughter, who collects vintage kitchen supplies. First, I tracked down one red shirted associate who couldn't help us. Then we took the blender to Guest Services and the three, sorry to say clueless, young ladies also couldn't help us and sent us back to the blender section. Another associate and his manager came and tried to track down the blender price - they couldn't. Instead they gave us the blender for $19.99 plus 15% off - it works perfectly and after a quick search on my iPhone while we were waiting I know is a $50+ blender. Two hours to save $30... totally worth it. My only skill at making this strange purchase happen was being really patient, not saying very much, and just letting the Target team figure out how to sell it to us.

Then off to Sam's club for protien powder, frozen fruit, and other goodies. A long day, and we didn't do everything we had planned, but the company really was wonderful and just getting her something that could allow her to eat - well that was worth every second.

Celebrate Change

It is funny to me that many people love fall, but they are really adverse to change. It struck me that fall is one of the ultimate lessons in change. It is beautiful as our hills and valleys spark into almost unnatural colors and yet they are doing that as their swan song, before they dive into their winter hibernation.

And yet, people get very excited that the leaves have changed. They even seek them out, going great distances to see ever greater displays of oranges, reds, yellows, and deep greens.

But in our own lives we aren't so jazzed about the idea that things change - even things we expect to change make us edgy and unhappy. Funny, isn't it?

Photo is from the balcony at a historic hotel in my town on a crisp autumn day.

Pulled and Unsettled

I realize after the last several days that I don't really like extremely stressful situations. Well, who does? I do better when a crisis happens - I can deal with it, and then you move on. Although I am not a big fan of those either. I like my rather boring predictable life that shuttles me through day to day. I also do not like to see the people I love uncomfortable, sad, or hurting. Really, I don't like to see anyone hurting - it hurts.

We have been preparing for the last few weeks for our daughter to have her front tooth removed. She had to have an emergency root canal and they left the hole open to drain the abscess until they could remove the tooth. The tooth had been damaged when she had her bike accident, sending a crack right up the back, but we didn't know that at the time.

On Monday she and dad went to the endodotic office to have it removed. Me, I was home, working. Mostly working, but also mostly paralyzed with fear. I just sat and waited to hear from them. I didn't want to go because a) I don't do well when/if she faints b) I didn't think they needed all three of us in the office c) I figured I would be more useful getting things ready for when they came home - and I was.

The appointment took 3 hours and was filled with all kinds of scary instruments. She was awake during the procedure, and part way through she could feel the extreme pressure of the "jaws of life" thing that pulled the actual tooth out. They tried to put the implant in directly after the tooth was removed, but there was significant bone loss. So, instead, they put in dead people bones for the bone graft. Kind of gross and kind of amazing at the same time.

In the meantime I waited for them to call, my husband did several times just to keep me in the loop. Then, when I knew they were safely home I prepared her bed, got dinner ready, and waited some more. What I couldn't do though is really focus on anything else. Usually, in the past, I have dealt with emergencies by focusing, getting through them, and getting things done. This really made me watch my behavior and I feel unsettled in a way I haven't. I feel unable to grasp and hold on - we are just scared about how this is all going to go. And that unknowing, makes life hard to settle into.

This morning there were big tears. She wasn't ready to go back to school, but she has no choice. She has tests and papers, and whatever else happens in college. She has to go back to her lonely apartment - which isn't lonely when she is feeling great, but is when she can't even figure out how to eat oatmeal. And watching her cry is heartbreaking. I see being unsettled over here for a little while longer.

Flickr Image from Ukaaa

Tallgrass Book Review

Tallgrass by Sandra Dallas
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I resisted reading Tallgrass because I thought it might be a little like a Book of the Month book and also because I am tired of books centered around WWII. I was wrong on both counts. Tallgrass is the story of a small town in Eastern Colorado on the plains that has been given (forced upon) a Japanese internment camp. The story is from the perspective of a spunky 12 year old whose family raises sugar beets.

This family drama is played out at quilting bee's, on dusty roads, in Denver when streetcars ruled the roads, in classrooms, and dirty shops. It captures the time of desperation during the war - with rations, dealing with the Japanese, and family problems that don't seem to change much over the years. People are people whether they go to the Methodist church, farm fields, are "foreigners", are fighting wars, or are just figuring out how to make due.

Rennie, the 12 year old, sees it all and talks plainly to her obviously liberal leaning father and family. Through her eyes we are taken down dark paths of rape, drug addiction, and murder. And although the subjects are gritty what doesn't escape the reader is the fact that the women of the story band together during all kinds of tragedy. And slowly the whole town begins to soften - at least until they pick up new things to hate along the way.

Well crafted this book is a fast read and perfect for the book club set. It allows for conversation to flow about race, family, tragedy, and the idea that women have the capacity to care far more than their pocketbooks seem to allow. A period piece that is one WWII story that was refreshingly new.

View all my reviews

All Stones on Deck

Our deck was rotting so my husband was going to replace a few boards and fix the post holding up the roof, but when he opened up the deck he saw the most amazing thing - stones holding up the rotting boards. Yes. Stones.

The black goo seams to be some kind of roofing tar. The joy, and we are never sure when he attempts one of these house exploration projects if it is joy, of living in the Ozarks in a 110+ year old house is that we never know what we are going to find.

Let's just say the joy never ends.

Carrot Sweet Potato Soup Du Jour

I never make soup from a recipe unless I am trying something new. And now that the autumn weather has rushed in it is definitely soup weather. Last night I whipped up this bowl of (vegan) Carrot Sweet Potato soup in about 30 minutes and it was both beautiful and exactly what I hoped for - strong flavored, beautifully colored and the perfect end to a cold and blustery day.

Ingredients:

1 yellow onion chopped

A dash of olive oil

Salt to taste

Pepper to taste

A big dash (probably a tablespoon) of cumin

A dash of paprika (teaspoon)

A dash of turmeric (teaspoon)

3 carrots, peeled and chopped

1 large sweet potato, peeled and chopped

5 cups of water (4 would make the soup creamier)

Directions:

Heat the oil in a large pot and then add onions. Cook until softened, but not brown (5-7 minutes). Add carrots, sweet potato, and all spices to the onions. Cook for 3-5 minutes stirring often. This will allow the spice blend to meld a bit with the onion and oil as well as "roast" the vegetables a little, adding depth of flavor. Add the water. Cook, uncovered, until the vegetables are soft. This took me 25 - 30 minutes and might have took less time, but I got busy reading and forgot to check on it.

After the vegetables have cooked thoroughly either use an immersion blender (which is what I did) right in the pot. I don't even turn the stove off, yes that is probably dangerous, but it is how I roll in the kitchen. The other option is to use a blender which I find to be a pain, but would totally work. Make sure that you work in batches to blend the soup though because it will or could explode. Hot liquids, plus blenders, equals explosions.

Serve soup immediately.

Options:

I considered adding half and half, cream or even soy milk to make this richer, but went for the vegan version instead. You could also add a dollop of sour cream to the top of this soup or swirl in some cream at the end, which would be pretty. Another idea would be to use this soup as a base for a hearty stew type meal, adding green beans, corn, and northern white beans, but again, I went for simple.

Addendum: I totally blocked it out. I also put half a jalapeno that I minced in the soup. We grew them so I add them to everything and don't even think about it. But I shouldn't have forgotten! I had touched the edge of my right eye some time after handling the pepper and my eye was on fire. Fire! After much rinsing, I ate soup. Which was great and not hot at all.

Engineer Your Life for Happiness

What if life isn't as complicated as we make it? Yes, there are trials and we don't have everything that we want. That is a given, but what if the everyday isn't so hard?

It seems to me that we know things that make us happy, but we deny ourselves those things. Sometimes we have to because of circumstance, but sometimes we just don't do them because we fill our our lives with other stuff. What if, instead, we made a list of the things that we knew made us happy and started living that way?

For instance, I like quiet mornings, walking with friends, helping my husband do the dishes, reading, shopping by myself, and having coffee with my daughter. Yes. I know simple things. I am not talking about huge things because I know that the small things make life happier.

Recently I saw a quote somewhere about fun being transient and happiness being transcendental - or something like that. It is true, I am not a fun seeker. In fact, just the other day my daughter and I were supposed to go explore a nearby city, see friends, shop in a little boutique, but when the day came we decided what would make us happier would be to run some errands, have tea on the couch, and have a nice dinner at home. We probably would have fun exploring, but it would have also felt forced or made us feel rushed around by not doing the things we actually needed to be doing. You know, that aching feeling you have in the back of your mind when you have something you need to be done, that isn't getting done because you are doing something else. We didn't want that feeling.

What I think might be really useful is to sit down and explore on paper what makes you actually happy. What 10 simple things do you actually enjoy, make your life feel fuller or give you a sense of happiness. It may be working out in the evening instead of in the morning, dinner with your family, having your bills paid on time, making sure you top off your gas tank so it never gets below half - whatever it is that leads to an ease or comfort for you, write those things down.

Then, what would your life look like if you started engineering it to fit those needs? What if you got up earlier to do yoga, made time each week to walk with friends, or didn't schedule any meetings before 10AM. Whatever it is for you I think this would work whether you were ultimately more in control of your life (I am a rare breed that sets all of my own hours (or I engineered it that way)) or if you had a more 9-5ish job. You still have control of how your interact with people, how you show up, how you spend your free time - ultimately it is your life. Are you making it as happy as you can? What small things could you be doing differently? I know I am going to start looking at mine over the course of the next few weeks, because this is the only life I get.

Image: I found this online a while ago, but have lost the original resource. If it is yours please let me know so I can credit you. I love it so!

Get off the Couch

Lately I have been spinning the idea in my head that we are becoming a nation of watchers and not a nation of doers. We watch football. We watch TV. We watch kids play. We watch our devices. We are actually, really avid watchers because we don't just watch we get really excited about watching and wear special clothes and set our lives around watching things.

For example, Pinterest. Ladies, do you know what Pinterest is? It is a site online or an app on your phone where you "pin things" to "boards" that you like. People pin hundreds of pins of pretty things every day. They pin clothes they like, hairstyles, home interiors, craft projects, wedding designs - all the pretty things a person can imagine. Which is great. Surrounding yourself with beautiful ideas is not a bad thing.

Currently, I am using it to pin specific things, but I think I am going to change it to be more of a way to capture Inspiration Boards for each season - but my ultimate goal would be to DO something with what I find and am inspired by.

See, I am not content to just look at beautiful things. I want to create, make, do things. I know that my mind goes into a new and wonderful place when I am doing something instead of watching something. The passive activity of watching - even if I am cheering a team in - isn't enough to induce the brain activity that ultimately gives me pleasure.

My tiny bit of knowledge of the brain though makes me think that the reason people go in the Watch Lane instead of the Do Lane is because it is actually much harder for us to learn or do new things. It actually causes a little bit of pain or exhaustion in the brain. And none of us like that feeling and so we avoid it. Watching makes us think we are accessing the pleasurable feelings because we aren't experiencing that initial bit of stubborn pain when dealing with a set of problems that come up when we are making something.

But, and this is a big but, we are short changing ourselves. We are going for the easy route. We are sacraficing development and long term growth for simple pleasures. It is like eating junk food instead of waiting to cook a real meal. Sure, it satisfies our appetite at that moment, but we are missing out on all the nutritional benefits.

We have to take back our time. We have to take back our lives. We have to make, do, experience our lives. We wonder why people suffer from so much low level anxiety, stress or depression and I would argue that sitting passively on the couch watching life might have something to do with that. Get off the couch. Seriously. Make small steps by committing to making dinner, going on walks with friends, crocheting a hat, learning a new dance step, playing with your kids instead of watching them play, write longhand - doesn't matter what the small step is, but as a nation - as a people - it is critical that we take back the power of our own creativity and make something. Do, don't watch.

Flickr Photo courtesy of CreativeLena

Rainbow Spotting

I'm sorry. These may possibly be the best words of a marriage. Or in any relationship. If someone is willing to say they are sorry there are good things happening. It is when we get stubborn, indignant, or callous that sorry doesn't happen.

We have been having a tremendous amount of stress at our house. The roof is leaking, the gutters are splashing water back on the house, the concrete got wet when it was supposed to be dry, we have to come up with an inordinate amount of money for our daughters scheduled dental care... on and on.

This can make a family a little crabby - as stated the other day. But to say I'm sorry, it isn't you, it really is me - makes it all so much better. We all have different capacities to handle things and we all reach our breaking point at different times. This week, my husband and I, just happened to reach it at the same time. All I can say is, thank goodness for rainbows and sorry. They make the world a better place.

Photo I took driving on the highway home. Yes, I know I shouldn't shoot photos and drive, but I am a serious Rainbow Spotter!

Crabby Over Here

I hate being crabby. In fact, I wish there was a special place that you went to when you were crabby and either it made you uncrabby or it allowed that feeling to pass. Here are some things not to do when you are crabby (which I might have done yesterday):

• Don't talk to your daughter on the phone, while trying to do work, while she is trying to figure something really important out, but not really paying attention to you. (Yes, I am talking from experience.)
• Don't quickly answer email with a crappy tone that says that you are right and they are wrong. (Again, experience talking)
• Don't talk about someone else - yes gossip. Because it is bound to not be nice. (Yes... you get the point.)
• Don't shut the door and ignore your partner when they are struggling with their own issue... ok, well, it was the best I could do because otherwise I was going to explode.

Yesterday, not so good on the crabby point, today better. One thing I know, for sure, is that it all passes. Just please get out of my way when I tell you I am crabby... because you know I mean it.

Flickr Photo: Thanks to Cosmorama