MoxieLife

Goodbye Beau

One of the hardest calls you have to make is to your child at camp letting them know that their pet died. Today I had that call. We have had Beau for over 20 years and yesterday she was laid in a hand built box in a shady spot in the yard. Bone crushing sad.

When we first got Beau in the Target parking lot so many years ago I never thought that the day would come that she would die. We don't when we get our kittens or puppies and yet they always do. We outlive them, which is good, but hard. Each time we take in another furry friend we are putting our heart in their paws - knowing one day they are going to be gone.

Her death was a heartbreaking moment that will be in my mind for a long time. I was in the bathroom and I saw her lying on the driveway. I knew I should go out and move her, but I was busy. I would go out when I was done. Unfortunately, my husband didn't see her when he drove up.

I'll never forget his face, the heartbreak, the pain - why do things happen the way they do...

She was well past her prime, but for him and for her I wish it had ended differently.

There is no doubt that she will be missed. She was our funny big eyed beauty who was tough as nails. She survived living with my sister years ago, barely - doing severe damage to my sisters hand. She lived in so many places it was amazing she acclimated so well. She had kittens that we paid to be placed in expensive Newport Beach homes. She delighted my daughter to no end and flustered me on a daily basis.

She was loved, as all of our furry sweethearts are - heartbreakingly loved.

My 80 Year Old Aunt

I come from a really small family. My parents had just a few siblings and they weren't always particularly close all of the time and my grandparents died either before I was born or when I was really young. Pretty typical for lots of friends that I have in California - the move out west in the 40's and 50's by our families cut a lot of those familial ties. Something that my friends in the South can't fathom.

A few days ago, though, I received a letter from my 80 year old aunt living in Southern California. Her husband had passed away of a massive heart attack in October and he and my father were really close. They would go each week to Norms to have breakfast (fans of the show Men of a Certain Age will recognize the chain). They loved their waitress and used the time to figure out what to do with the rest of the family, solve the worlds problems and just be together. When we moved my parents out here to Arkansas it was a huge loss for my uncle - I felt terrible separating them, but it had to be done.

The letter was so sweet. They had been together over 40 years and she has never lived alone before. Her neat home must feel entirely too empty. What touched me most is that I could feel the need to reach out, to commune with someone who had shared experience, to connect with family. I am working on my letter back to her and hope to fill it with the words she wants to hear and find a way to continue to connection.

We didn't spend much time with one another growing up because my mother and she did not get along. I always remember my aunt of being rather uptight. Her living room was white and held the most beautiful white piano, but you were not allowed to go into the room. It was like holding out the most beautiful piece of candy, but saying you didn't get any. My most fond memory is of shopping with her - we only did it once - and we must have gone to some department store or another and I remember thinking that she was a woman who knew exactly what she wanted. There was no willy nilly shopping. She had come for something and she knew exactly where to get it. I was stunned. My own life was so chaotic that I had never experienced such clear thinking. It was a small thing, but it made her midwestern roots shine out for me in the largest way. A no nonsense approach to life that I could admire and yet never replicate.

Not sure what I will say exactly in my letter back, but I hope to convey that small moment and what it meant to me then and what it means to me now.

Our Own Island

I often whisper to my husband that we should move to Hawaii. It isn't a secret that I love the ocean. Miss the ocean. Need the ocean. But instead I am in a landlocked state - by choice. He would move to Hawaii if we won the lottery. I don't see that happening any time soon.

Instead, we could BUY our own island in British Columbia! I know that yesterday I said I wasn't a shopper, but I think I am. A shopper of islands. Doesn't THAT seem amazing. We stay home most of the time anyway so why not stay home on our own island.

Our own island.

I really like the sound of that.

 

We Give a Hoot

I just ordered two soprano recorders and music books for my husband and I. Yes, I know that 4 year olds learn to play the recorder and that they aren't considered a serious instrument to the masses. We don't really care. We wanted to do something together where we learned something new, was relatively easy and not terribly expensive. So we chose the recorder. We spend an awful lot of time together - every evening and we don't go out much... not having little kids and not going to bars can put a real damper on your social circle.

I remember playing the recorder when I was in grade school and then again when our daughter was in school. Not very well or not in any serious way. I do know that it was a serious instrument at one time - during the baroque period, I think.

Looking at my husband for the last 22 years I realize we probably have another 40 years together. That is a long time. We both think it is important that we do new things together, however goofy. We are both pretty shy so going out and hanging out with people isn't our favorite thing. We would rather move than travel, and you can only do that so many times. So, learning new things is what we have opted for and we are starting with a little plastic recorder and music book written in the 60's. Wish us luck!

I ordered two Angel One-Piece C-Soprano Recorders in black and It's Recorder Time first published in 1968.

Love My Blue Sky

In love. Absolutely in love. Normally, I don't blog about products. Mostly because I am not a shopper. My husband does all of the grocery shopping, trips to Sam's and such. I just do the random pick ups at the health food store and the ordering for the bulk shipment of food that we get 6 times a year.

It was on one of those quick snack trips to the health food store that I found Blue Sky Seltzer in Lime. Now, my friends know that I am a lover of sparkly water. As someone who doesn't drink it is a nice thing to have at a party, book club or those rare times I actually go to a bar. I usually ask for it with lime or lemon or some other fruit to mash around in it anyway, which makes the Blue Sky product so delish... it is already in it AND there are no calories, no weird ingredients, nada... just WATER and LIME. Gotta love that!

So, this summer as I sit by my Ozarkian pool and deck (ie: outdoor table turned deck and blow up pool for one) I can sip my new favorite beverage. Now, if only I had a pool boy, too! That is ok... I'll stick with the husband who does all of the shopping!

Damn Boobies

I got the phone call instead of the letter. Damn. Last week I went to have my first mammogram after a year and a half of half hearted-ly trying to get enrolled in the Breast Care program. I knew I would qualify, but every time the phone was busy I quit trying and then a month later I would try again. This time I was determined though and after waiting for over a month to have my appointment I got the call that I have to come back.

Normally, things don't really shake me. I have lived through enough stuff that worrying about anything doesn't make it better, but this has me out of sorts.

When my mom was 49 she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had gone with her to the surgery and the stupid surgeon at the time told her it was a miracle and he couldn't find anything. She was elated. I was skeptical. She had massive boobs - size F or something - so I just thought this dork couldn't see what he was looking for. So after the joys of "not finding anything" wore off I told her to make an appointment with the breast center in Los Angeles - it is a really famous clinic and if they told her they couldn't find anything I would let it go.

She was riddled with cancer in both breasts.

She had to undergo radiation and then take drugs for 10 years. She survived, but only because I was a pain in the ass.

This time I will have to be my own advocate and that makes me scared - because like her I just want to believe it is going to be ok.

Photo can be purchased as a sticker.

5 Blogs I Love

At our stupendous conference for Arkansas Women Bloggers they wanted to know which Top 10 Blogs we are reading/following. I read so many that this is really just a highlight of all the great blogs I read. You can follow me on Google Reader to see what I share, think are really interesting, or make notes about. But if you just want the highlights I would suggest these 5:

CRAFT: I am a closet crafter who doesn't really make anything much right now, but I love to be delighted by DIY things. This blog is the best of best and a must if you are interested in the craft movement.

Kelly Rae Roberts: She is a self made artist who has inspired hundreds of women to do their own thing and to be brave in this big scary world. I highly recommend her to every woman I know who is trying to find their way either in the art world, craft world, blog world, or life as a mom and business owner.

Made by Joel: This man is a genius and, well, I would like to be him. Toys for kids, drawings that inspire, and art that is really accessible.

Miss Minialmillist: I strive for a minimalist lifestyle and she inspires me daily.

SFGirlByBay: I love this for so many reasons - she reminds me of home, she has a wonderful sense of style, she showcases spaces and places that just make my toes tingle. My favorite style blog, hand down.

Next up I'll do another with 5 more less crafty blogs. But what about you? What do you LOVE on the web?

Is It Worth It?

Yesterday something caught my eye on Twitter that I followed the trail and came up wondering, "What?" Gwen Bell is a buddhist, social media, yoga practitioner that I admire. She has written some really sharp pieces and has a great grasp of what social media means for her (and presumably her clients). In the past year I have watched her really refine who she is online and who she is offline (at least what she shares of that online). She was named as one of the top women to watch online. Really a rockstar. (You can Google her.)

Her current project is something I am having a hard time digesting - you pay her $999 and she gives you a 30 - 60 minute call to ask you questions about your online presence. Thought provoking questions, I am sure. Deep questions, I do not doubt.

She has one call a day and she puts that opening out and the first one that responds gets to play. The rest of the time she can live her life fully.

Interesting.

When I was researching buddhist teachers (and I do not have one) I wanted to see who Ken Wilber (an author my husband and I really like) followed and what he charged for a retreat. $10,000. Yep. $10,000. Really? That is what the Buddha thought would happen to his teachings? Sure, for some ten thousand dollars is pocket change.. not to anyone I know, but I know that for some it is nothing. Still, it appalled me.

What questions will that guru ask me that will shake my world so much that it was worth $10,000?

I am ALL about people being paid what they are worth. I am all about people paying for things that they find value in. I am also clear about integrity and fairness in the business world. Maybe that is why I get kind of squeemish when we are paying for any pseudo religious anything. What teacher knows more then you will find out on your own anyway? Why do we need to drop large sums of cash in order to feel like we had some aha moment? I worry more about the consumer needing the validation and recognition then I do the person charging the money. People can charge whatever they want, but I want to see smart consumers paying for things that are real.

Curious about how you all feel about this. There is a part of me that worries I am just jealous that I am not at the place to charge those kinds of fees - or that I wish I could experience that with a teacher, but am to gosh darn cheap to do so. But mostly, I am just not into that scene and am wary of going down any of those roads. You?