I got the phone call instead of the letter. Damn. Last week I went to have my first mammogram after a year and a half of half hearted-ly trying to get enrolled in the Breast Care program. I knew I would qualify, but every time the phone was busy I quit trying and then a month later I would try again. This time I was determined though and after waiting for over a month to have my appointment I got the call that I have to come back.
Normally, things don't really shake me. I have lived through enough stuff that worrying about anything doesn't make it better, but this has me out of sorts.
When my mom was 49 she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had gone with her to the surgery and the stupid surgeon at the time told her it was a miracle and he couldn't find anything. She was elated. I was skeptical. She had massive boobs - size F or something - so I just thought this dork couldn't see what he was looking for. So after the joys of "not finding anything" wore off I told her to make an appointment with the breast center in Los Angeles - it is a really famous clinic and if they told her they couldn't find anything I would let it go.
She was riddled with cancer in both breasts.
She had to undergo radiation and then take drugs for 10 years. She survived, but only because I was a pain in the ass.
This time I will have to be my own advocate and that makes me scared - because like her I just want to believe it is going to be ok.
