MoxieLife

The Lovely Ladies

The Lovely Ladies
Originally uploaded by JacquelineWolven.

They are thrilled that the weather is warming up and the little blue flowers have bloomed along the grass. The popcorn and leftover rice don't hurt either.

February Fast and Furious

I have been really scattered doing a million things this month and thought I would, for my own sanity really, do a recap here. Maybe it would all make more sense if I saw it in one place.

Home: We got 2 feet of snow this month and that pretty much stranded us. I didn't leave the house for those two weeks because I don't have any driving skills in the snow - I do everyone a favor by staying home. Because of  the cold we have a lot of projects on hold, but spring will be here before we know it and more flooring and painting will begin.

Health: I gained so much weight this winter - not working out, but eating butter is not a good turn of events. I tried to do some exercise this month, but that was a bust too. I am a wimp in the cold and will use any excuse not to play outside. For the month of March I am doing two things that should make an improvement: it is a no bread month and 20 minutes on the treadmill even if I am dog tired and it is 11PM. Not HUGE changes, but they should make an impact and get me back to being motivated.

Work: Hosted a big Company Picnic for the local business community, traveled for training, worked on clients projects (design, web, pr, events, etc.), picked up a new fun jewelry/accessory client, had a client who left come back (that happens a lot. They think they can do it themselves, but they can't.)  All in all, a very productive month, but very busy.

Spirit: I met with the president of our church for lunch - the best lunch, hours long and she introduced me to kale and I am adding it to my diet! We talked about why I am on sabbatical and what that means to me and to my commitment to our church community. These aren't easy discussions, but I feel good about the decision to take a break. I don't want to go to church out of obligation (we all have too many of those anyway) or guilt. When I am ready - knowing that they are not going to be any different and that I have to see them through different eyes - I will go back. My own meditation practice is in the pitts. I just can't get motivated - see health! It is a constant theme for this month, I guess.

Family: They are good, or at least what I have seen is good. Our daughter is pushing through the hard stuff with extreme grace and determination and I am so proud of her. Neither her dad or I went to college in the traditional way and having her experience the ups and downs is both thrilling and hard on us. We want her to succeed, but we know that there are learning lessons at every turn. We just keep encouraging and listening - all we can do really because we are clueless. And my husband has taken an afinity to debating relatives and old friends about god through Facebook. I love it because he is so incredibly knowledgeable (preachers kid) and so clear about his thought process that the conversations are so interesting. Dog, cats and chickens are all well.

Whew - who knew that February was such a busy month! Let's hope I can find more balance and deterination for personal projects in March.

Photo is of the Super Snow we had... amazing for Northwest Arkansas.

Water Over the Bridge

It has been a busy week - traveling to Little Rock for the legislative session and some training with the Main Street group, meetings, tons of work projects. It is amazing to me how out of balance I can become because of travel. I don't mind traveling and I am really low key, but it take a lot out of my schedule and my habits get worse and worse. What is it about conferences that they need to feed you cookies at every moment. I didn't eat one. Not one. But still the balance of carbs and fat to veggies and protein wasn't even close.

I came home to rain and water over the bridge. I was all prepared to go to book club, which is my one me thing I do each month (besides reading the book), when I drove down our drive to see two feet of brown murky water over the bridge. No crossing for me.

Even worse, I had to call my husband to come back the car back up the steep driveway with the blind curve and a cliff on one side. It freaks me out so much that I can't even be in the car with him which drives him nuts, but I am not going to sit there and drive backwards into the unseen... I'll walk, thank you.

So, a busy week filled with life's little adventures... oh and they cut funding for Planned Parenthood. Call your Senator, please.

Photo: The bridge the next morning that I did cross.

War on Women

There is one issue that I am passionate about enough to march for and that is the right for women to have safe, effective and low cost health care. Right now our nations elected have decided that they aren't going to tackle jobs like they promised, instead they are going to make war on women - and I am boiling mad.

They use the idea that Planned Parenthood (who is unfortunately the target for their inaccurate hate and de-funding) provides abortions - but they do so much more and really they are in the BUSINESS of eliminating the need for them through low-cost, effective birth control. Not to mention disease prevention, HIV testing, cancer screenings - they take care of women. Period.

And Congress isn't.

I grew up with the right to have the health care I need to be safe. I grew up with the right to access. I grew up knowing that rape was rape and you couldn't call it any other name. I grew up in a country that was supposed to honor and respect the needs of 51% of its population.

Now, that is being eroded by men who are using their religious bent to decide that women's health is not only unprotected but pushing it back to places my grandmother would roll over in her grave at.

I have called. I have written and if necessary I will march because I will be damned if we go backwards and still call ourselves a Super Power.

Photo: Paige, my daughter, who I brought into the world that honored women and for her and her children I won't let this go.

Sleep Where Are You

Can't sleep. For the past several days I have been getting up at about 5 or 6AM. For those that know me they know that is not normal. I am a sleeper. I love sleep. I enjoy sleep. I relish in the restorative powers of sleep. So what is going on?

There are a few ideas that I have:

• Hormones: Could I, at 41, be having a hormonal change that means I don't need as much sleep?
• Work: I have a lot of projects I am working on and I'm excited about them. Not stressed really, just excited and I have lots of ideas about them.
• Not enough exercise: Last night instead of doing my new Julian Michael's work out video - that I got in the mail yesterday - I opted for chocolate and American Idol. Total sloth indulgence... but at the time I thought wonderful. The problem is that maybe my body NEEDS more exercise to actually feel tired. Totally new concept for me - not the most active person, obviously.
• Earthquake? Apparently, there was a 3.2 earthquake this morning in Arkansas. Maybe I felt something rumbling and didn't even know it.

Maybe it is a combo of all of these things - and although I don't hate the extra hours it gives me I miss snuggling with my husband into the morning hours... and I think he thinks there is something wrong with me.

Gonna Wash That Grey

Yesterday I did something I have never really done before... I had a complete new hairstyle - complete with cut and color. I had been growing my hair out and although I like the length I was beginning to feel like a dog with long scraggly ears. Not the nicest of looks. Not to mention that last night I spoke to over 60 business people at a big event - looking good was on my mind.

I have been ambivalent about my grey hair - there isn't much, and I didn't get rid of it, but I am only 41 and I don't want to look 50. So, I did low lights - a deep rich chestnut color just like you would do highlights and the effect is stunning. Really natural, but it takes away some of the drab. There is still grey, but that ash color that was coming in too is out of here!

And I went back to bangs... I have a round face and always thought that they made me look too young, but really is that a bad thing?

The results... amazing. When I was setting up for the event last night, a woman I work with really closely didn't recognize me from across the room. And the compliments - wow... I should have done it long ago. I feel great, I looked professional - and I spoke for over an hour to that crowded room. I'm glad I took the leap.

Photo Credit: Purdy Art Co - that's me with some of the Krazo Krewe who walked us into our meeting with a traditional - and wonderful - second line.

 

Happy Validation Day

One of the nicest traditions to have come out of living at East Wind (an intentional community in Missouri) was their celebration of Validation Day on February 14th. Here is an exerpt of what the holiday is from Communities magazine:

Validation Day: This alternative to Valentines Day is the result of "cross- fertilization" between FEC communities. In the 80's, when East Wind member Cristy picked up and moved to Twin Oaks, he brought with him this tradition that ensures that February 14th is special for everyone, not just those with romantic interests. A card is handmade for each member, individually designed with the recipient's interests in mind. The cards are available for the first two weeks in February, during which time members are encouraged to write "validations" in each card. "I appreciate your hard work as our garden manager-thanks for helping provide us with yummy organic veggies!" Or for a new parent: "I love seeing you blossom as a new dad, caring for the beautiful child you've brought into our world" Or a simple "Seeing your quiet smile lightens my heart". The result is a personal card filled with loving, positive validations by the people we share our lives with. The finished products are handed out by the kids at a special Validation Day dinner.

The idea that we "validate" one another rather than buy crummy chocolates at the grocery store means so much more to me. When we lived there we helped make the booklets - just little books made of construction paper and collage's of pictures from magazines. We then started writing in each others books.

I wasn't loved at East Wind - too nice, too not hippie (drug/alcohol using) enough, too into process and not just confrontation - so not everyone wrote in my little booklet. That is ok though, because those that did shared real thoughts of love and respect - more than I had ever received before. I still have, somewhere in a box, our little booklets and when I am older and into scrap-booking I am sure they will come out. Now, I just cherish the memory of a time when a group of people worked to respect each other with kind words. What a wonderful celebration of love.

Maybe next year I will revive the tradition - it can be done anywhere... not just in a commune!

Keeping Myself Accountable

I am playing the Health Month Game created by Buster - you pick goals and you check in every day to see if you are reaching your goals. First off, I like Buster so I wanted to support this fun venture and also I needed something to keep me accountable. Is it working... well, I check in everyday, but I am really lenient with my rule keeping. Is that cheating. Probably. I just don't have the heart to make myself seem like such a loser... so I am being easy on myself... or cheating happily.

My 3 Rules for February:

• Exercise for 30 Minutes 6 Days A Week: Good thing it snowed because just walking in the snow to the mailbox takes 30 minutes and is exhausting. Not to mention shoveling snow. When I get somewhat motivated I ride my exercise bike (hate it) or walk on the treadmill (don't love it). I even ordered a video for some ab workout that should come next week - if I don't move more I am going to explode.
• Meditate for 20 Minutes 5 Days a Week: This one is easy - except my mind wanders all over the place. My sleep has been really disturbed lately so I am getting up and going to bed at odd times. Making it hard to focus on anything much less nothing.
• Get Up at 7:30 at Least 6 Days a Week: This is, by far, the hardest for me. I am not an early riser. I like to sleep and I am conditioned to get up right before I need to go or do something. I don't know how to just hang out in the morning over coffee, if I'm not working. So, this is really a challenge. Not to mention the sleep thing, but I am working on it... maybe next month it will be easier.

Maybe you don't need this kind of motivation, but having something hold me accouontable at least makes me think about doing my things. A step in the right direction no matter how slow I get there.

sNOw Rushing

In the last three weeks I have left the house 1 time. SNOW! We had over 4 snow storms and up to a foot of snow - so for this California girl it means staying home. We can get in and out now, but really, where am I going to go. It is beautiful outside, quiet inside and nothing really drawing me out.

I am not one of those that goes stir crazy being at home. In fact, I like it. I like being able to just be with my husband. No outside demands (work comes through online, so there is that) and just the shear quiet of the days.

We aren't shopping/spending money. We aren't rushing around. We are just being... and that is really pleasant.

I was telling a friend today that one thing I really do not like is rushing - either because someone is waiting for me or my own need to blaze through things. How many of us have felt rushed to get to an event or party - rushing to have fun? It makes no sense. Having that kind of anxiety is unnecessary. I don't live in a high impact area with a million people going a million miles - I left all of that. And I am beginning to realize that things in their natural rhythm are kinder to my mind and heart.

Maybe I am getting older or maybe I am just realizing that unless there really is a fire I don't need to jam through things. I can enjoy them, heck maybe even savor.

A little snow and stuck has, obviously, taught me a new lesson. One that I hope to hang onto when it all melts.

Avoiding Myself

I have been thinking a lot about motivation and self discipline - of which I have completely lost in the last several weeks. Not work motivation, I always have that, but personal motivation. I have three simple goals - Get up early, meditate and work out. Nothing fancy, nothing hard, but I am completely blocked as to how to make myself do them.

My alarm goes off and I just snuggle deeper into the covers. That sets off a list of sliding everything else down the tubes. If I get up late, my personal time is pushed aside to work. So the three goals are all messed up.

It would be so easy to blame my parents - those free wheeling hipsters who didn't follow any ones rules and therefore didn't require me to either, but that just seems lame. There is something else going on. Pema says that there are two ways to avoid anxiety one is to speed up and not really accomplish anything and the other is to get really lazy. I fall into the second one - instead of showing up for myself I just slack.

The question is what am I avoiding?