Do you have regrets? I just read this post by a palliative care worker about the top 5 regrets of the dying and it struck me that although I don't have many regrets there are still things I wish I could undo. Let's look at her top 5:
- I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. I don't really have this. I have lived, mostly, the life I wanted to live so far. I have made giant (to me) leaps beyond what others expected or thought I should do. I have taken risks and made mistakes, but those are just things that make me who I am. My mom, after I had my daughter, told me to never give myself completely to my children, to grow myself without regret. I took that advice because I had seen what she had done trying to conform to the model mother (failing miserably and becoming miserable). Regret? Nope.
- I wish I didn't work so hard. This is something I struggle with. I am extremely loyal to work and have often been the one to work on Easter or work a 16 hour day to get a project done. I put work ahead of myself and my family - because someone has to do it. At least that is what I tell myself. I envy those women who are taking creative classes, doing 2 hours of yoga each day, or cooking gourmet meals for their families because I can't seem to find the time or the discipline to walk away from work to do something that I wan to do. Regret? Kind of.
- I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. Well, I wear my feelings on my sleeve so expressing them usually isn't hard. In fact, I often wish I could stuff them in just a bit more. It is tough to be open so often about what is going on inside - a little like swimming in raw sewage. Regret? Not for me.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Well, yes and no. Every week it is hard, due to #2, to even find the time to get together with my current friends that staying close to people in my past doesn't seem even feasible. The truth is that those leaps and risks I made moved me into new circles and although I was sad to see some of them go it was alright to totally immerse myself in new people. Plus, now with Facebook, I can reconnect with folks and that is a blessing. Regret? Kind of - working on doing better!
- I wish I had let myself be happier. I don't know. I am pretty happy. Lately I have been playing with the idea that I am a "Make Doer". Meaning, I make do with what I have. I don't covet what other people have, I don't reach for things that aren't going to bring sustaining happiness, I give into the imperfect parts of life and just live with them. I guess I shrug my shoulders a lot and just make lemonade out of lemons. So, I'm pretty happy. Could I be happier - I guess so, but I am not stopping myself from being happy right now. Regret? Nada.
So, 2 out of 5 doesn't seem so bad. It seems like finding balance and making time for the important things is part of where I am now and I don't regret that.
Photo: Flickr Ed Yourdon
