MoxieLife

Growing Up in the 70's

Oh, our house is one of silly. There is no doubt in my mind. Last night we were discussing the idea of an Ethiopian restaurant that served peas, onions, Spam - you know, all those things that kids refused to eat in the 70's. 

When we were kids our parents guilted us at the dinner table with stories of starving children in Ethiopia, and I, the smart ass, picked up my beets and shoved them in a white #10 envelope. I addressed it to Starving Kids in Ethiopia and set it on the mailbox.

So, of course, the cuisine at an Ethiopian restaurant has to be left over peas, liver wadded up in a napkin, and the delicacy - beets in an envelope.

 

Photo: This is probably 1979 at a bowling alley with my cousin Pukey Lukey - who I just adored. And, yes, those are OshKosh overalls and boots - the height of fashion in Orange County.

Get Out of my Head

Wondering why some things in our lives keep bugging us? Not even the big things, but things people said or did to us that we can't quite shake.

As Wil Wheaton said in the Big Bang Theory, "nice to be taking up so much rent here" as he pointed to Sheldon's brain.

Why do things take over our brain?

Here is what happens: I will be sweeping the floor or putting laundry in the dryer and I'll think, "Urgh, I really hate X." And all the emotions around what they did to me come rushing back. There are only 3 or 4 people where that continues to happen, but why? I don't really care about them. I don't care that they hurt me or at least I don't think I still do. It happened years ago and I should be over it.

Obviously, I am not.

The question is how do you get over it and how do you stop letting them rent space in your head?

Any advice out there?

Flickr: Lapolab

We Take On Hosea Ballou

Yesterday marked a first for our UU congregation - we are starting the curriculum What Moves Us from the UUA as a three month test. Although the course was supposed to be used as a small group program we are formulating it for our Sunday services. SOmething that I assume a larger church could never do, but because of our small size we are able to do pretty easily. Our goal was to provide some background in UU history allowing our members to gain a sense of pride in our religious past, our heroes and our path forward.

Because we are lay led we don't often have the pulpit swelling with UU pride, in fact you could attend for months and not hear much about Unitarian or Universalist thought at all. It isn't that the services are bad or lacking, but they do not spring from a well of depth in our religion.

So, yesterday, Donna, our president and former Baptist, took on the task of introducing the curriculum to the fellowship, she stated that the idea was to try this for the next three months on the first two Sunday's of each month. It would be evaluated after that time to see if we were still interested in continuing with the next 7 months of programming.

It was perfect that this former Baptist shared the life and love of Universalism of Hosea Ballou with us because she personally resonated with both his conversion story and his understanding god as love. Not one of fear and elitism that was practiced by the Calvinistic Baptists of Hosea's time. She shared that unfortunately for her she wandered in the desert for 31 years whereas Hosea converted his thoughts in just 6 months.

Her talk was inspired and filled with personal anecdotes and observations. She brought Hosea alive for the fellowship. The pride I saw swell in the eyes of our members was visible to anyone with a wit of noticing.

Because the curriculum calls for sharing and groups, next week she will take the group into a different direction. Sitting in a circle and reflecting on the questions called for in the workshop we will work together to deepen our understanding and test whether Hosea's ideas are where we are in our own religious thinking.

The following month I will attempt to do the same thing with William Ellery Channing - big shoes to follow, both Hosea and Donna's. I know that when I brought this idea to the group over 4 months ago I was thrilled with the interest it garnered and how it has blossomed. Each presenter will bring their own take to these fellow UU's and the workshop material. Each member will cling to one idea or another - each growing their own base in our UU faith. For this I am incredibly proud to be part of this moment in our little fellowship in the Ozarks.

5 Lessons Learned From My SparklyGirl

Lately, I have been thinking about all of the things that I have learned from my daughter. Now that she is 20 and in her Junior year of college we have moved into a more comfortable relationship - one that isn't based on the need to separate that many mother/daughters experience during adolescence. At 20, I enjoy her company, her insight, and the way she moves about in the world.

Rushing is Optional. I used to rush to Sunday School, rush in the self-check grocery line, rush to get to a meeting. All of this rushing was incredibly stressful. I remember her saying in the grocery line, when it was taking me forever to get my things checked out, that I could slow down. She reminded me that my pace was fine and the people behind me would wait. I have kept that little moment with me for several years, practicing not rushing and find that she is right. We don't have to rush. It doesn't make us better people, more productive or even happier.

You Don't Have to Have an Opinion. This was a completely new experience for me. I have opinions on everything from Lady GaGa's place in the iconic pop world to the Israeli Palestine conflict and everything in between. Some things though, in fact probably all things, can just be how they are. I don't have to label them good or bad. Somehow she got this really early and it is freeing to not have to cling and defend an opinion.

Choose Interesting People Over Cool People. On her first day of 7th grade at a new school she was taken around the school by a girl who was very nice. She introduced her to the obviously designated cliques and invited her to join her for lunch. She chose not to and instead headed over to the geeky, silly, still running around playing some game group rather than sit and try to look more grown up than she was. This wasn't a hard decision for her. She saw that the odd ball group would provide infinite more fun, experiences, and be interesting on all levels. She wasn't cool, but she had a great time.

Being Organized Counts. She is incredibly organized. Her calendar, her stuff, her Very Important Papers all are maintained. Her checkbook is balanced. Her appointments are kept. She is an accelerated version of me and I admire that dedication to staying on top of things.

Drama is Dull. She is repulsed by drama. If you are going to repeat the same issues over and over and expect sympathy don't look at her. She won't listen or really even engage in the conversation; she is known to just fade away. This is vexing to those who want to rehash every detail, but she insists that living it once is enough and replaying it doesn't solve anything. Go for the solution don't fixate on the problem!

She isn't perfect, but she has some great standards to live by and I am so happy that she is in my life.

Writing All Over the Web

  I am so excited! My first post for Elephant Journal is up! I was a bit nervous about writing for them - they seem so huge and big and wonderful. I guess they don't mind my run on sentences!

I have had a string of things posted lately all over, some paid and some not. It is exciting to just put some ideas that I have been mulling over out into the big wide world. Who knows what will come of it.

Where I've Been Lately:

Elephant Journal: A post about being authentic online and at work

FreelanceSwitch: A post about using Eat, Pray Love as a catalyst to your work

SugarTone: A post about taking a ruthless look at what we offer with the hopes of giving our best. You can vote here until Thursday I am trying to win a high end printer from HP for my work with a nonprofit (printing costs kill us!).

And my post for tinyBuddha was accepted and will be posted at the end of the month.

Doing a little happy dance over here.

Photo Credit: Vintage Collective

Pushing Personal Boundaries

This weekend pushed my personal boundaries further than I thought possible. I feel good about the risks, but boy putting yourself out there can be hard. I sent my first article for submission to tinyBuddha.com that I hope is good enough to be included. This is a site that I enjoy immensly, and Laurie, the woman that runs it, is so nice and encouraging of ideas. My topic is the idea of bringing the Buddhist idea of the Eightfold Path into your work lives - an idea I have been working with for the last 10 years and have really grown in my heart in the last year.

Then I said that I would teach a workshop of the same concept in October. I am no expert and there are Zen masters/priests who teach this. What I bring to this is the novice approaching the subject and practicing it. Not an expert, but a business person trying to find balance. Oh, goodness, I hope someone wants to take that course.

On Sunday I went to church and I realized what a complete geek I am. I seem unable to connect or hang out after church during the coffee hour. I am overwhelmed by the people, the noise, and the fact that although I know some of them I am not extremely close to all of them. Not because I don't like them, but because I usually dash out after church with my daughter (who really doesn't want to hang out longer than needed.) I need to practice getting a cup of tea and just hanging about. I am so shy though in an interpersonal way with no cocktail party schmoozing ability that it is extremely difficult. That's me over in the corner looking out at all of you behind her glasses!

You would think that after all these years that socializing would get easier and yet it seems to get harder with no practice and inability to push myself out there.  I tried to stay some time, but just didn't feel that comfortable so I went home where I feel infinitely more comfortable.

 

30 Day Challenge Poem

The Track

Circling around the bend
Passions rising
As we share
Our girls lives laid
Upon the tracks

Lapped in encouragement
Frustrations aired
as shoelaces flap
Answers sought

To the air ahead
Good for our hearts
our thighs sliding
We pour our days
Upon the track

For J & K

 

Photo Credit: TimTak

Did UU Spring from Deists

 

Today one of the founding fathers of our church spoke  about the question "Is Deism the Founding of our UU Faith?" He was nervous as he approached the subject from his 1965 Speech class foundati

ons, but his grasp of our history, the ideas of deism and his understanding of his own lack of interfaith dialogue were heartening.

Are UU's brought into the landscape, at least in America, by our deist fathers (John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, Channing, etc.)? Most probably. Was the US constitution written by deists not the fundamentalist christianity bandied about so easily? Of course. The question though, and one we did not solve on a Sunday morning, was how do we reclaim our faith as one of the True Way of American thought? How do we get out of the reactionary landscape of religious intolerance towards a time of reason? What do we do as UU's to continue to be a religion of trust rather than blind belief?

He concluded his talk by saying that it was his proclamation to work on his own ability to have honest interfaith dialogue rather than demonetization. To look at our faith tradition of one of reason but also kindness. I didn't raise my hand at the end, but it is what I believe all UU's are called to do - to act from love and to be clear in our understanding that dialogue and kindness turn hearts rather than fear and absolutism. Toug

h for this raging Atheist to do, but the goal of my soul and of my UU upbringing.

Today's 30 Poem Challenge:

A Candle Lit

A candle lit
for new beginnings
and what that
might mean for you

New homes,
new babies,
new ideas,
and paths walked fresh each morning

A candle lit
with cautionary hopes and concerns
for people and planet

Victims,
violence,
earthquakes and floods,
and suffering experienced fresh each day

 

Flickr Image: Alesa Dam

 

Write Messy Poems

My sweet partner in the 30 Poem Challenge is feeling frustrated at her lack of inspiration. She has had a tough week and it can be hard to commit something to paper, but that isn't what is really happening to her. It is her need to write the perfect poem:

"Maybe that is part of my writing difficulty today – I am frustrated that I will never be able to write something like that. I know that is not what this exercise is about, but have I ever mentioned that I can be a perfectionist?"

I am not a perfectionist. I totally believe in good enough. Now, that doesn't mean that I believe in half-assed, because I don't. I just know that we are all creative, interesting, messy people and getting something down on paper is more important then getting something perfect down. In fact, perfect may never happen.

Today my horoscope read:

"Your sensitivity is running strong now that the Moon is in empathic Cancer, allowing you to play out your role as the artist or poet today. It's a smart idea to pull out your craft supplies or musical instruments and get busy. But this is more than just a reminder to create or perform; it's also about contacting your subconscious through your meditations and dreams. Anything that keeps you in touch with your spirit guides will ultimately bring you closer to your desired destination."

Uncanny. We need to exercise the messy muscle in our brain. We need to let loose. We need to be comfortable with failure. We need to be ok with good enough. We are all striving for great that we might get our spirit lost in the constant pursuit. Give yourself permission to write angsty, crappy, terrible poetry and share it with the world (seriously, how many of us can even tell great poetry from crap?) Oh, and we are famous - thanks UUWorld.

 

Todays western-style senryu:

She realized reading
journals finished in past years
the sun keeps rising

 

Photo Credit: MollyCakes

Self Portrait

Yesterday my daughter called to tell me that she had gotten a D on her first poem in her poetry writing class. It won't affect her grade because if she does all the assignments (even if she continues to get D's) she will get an A in the course. This English Major of mine is not a creative writer. She is a reader, an analyzer and a lover of writing non-fiction.

The poetry class is a stretch and not her first choice for creative writing. She is plugging along though. The interesting thing was her reaction to it. She was ok with not doing well. She has an attitude of understanding that she does not know how to write poetry, she has never written poetry, never read poetry, and has no affection for it - yet.

She wasn't upset, mad or even very hurt by the poor grade. Although, she did say it was hard to not take it personally considering the assignment was "Self Portrait".

I can see such a huge change in her through her college years. In her Freshman year she would have cried for days and dreaded going back to the class. Her Sophomore year would have brought fury and then the apathy that often follows. This year, her Junior year, she has a curiosity about learning how to do something new - an attitude that I hope sticks around for sometime.

In honor of my daughters first poem assignment in her poetry writing course at Hendrix I wrote my own Self Portrait today. Curious what my grade would be. Any English Majors out there care to grade me? I promise not to bite.

Self Portrait

Stage 1

Chunky crayons griped tightly
skittering across the yellowing construction paper
red, green, blue lines
form uneven monsters on the page

Stage 2

Carefully sketched silhouettes
dance across the expensive bound book
tightly drawn without feeling
exposing little uncertainty

Stage 3

Photobooth popped open
capturing the raw morning aged and sleepy
carefully looking at the lens
in hope it captures my spirit


In honor of my daughters first poem assignment in her poetry writing course at Hendrix

 

Photo Credit: Flickr User MeJuan

It Wasn't My Day

Yesterday was my husbands 45th birthday and I had planned to take him out to dinner and then to the County Fair. At 5:15, after waking up from a much needed nap, he let me know that wasn't what he wanted to do at all. He wanted me to make enchiladas, bake a cake from scratch, and watch Dexter.

I was so flustered by all of that. I thought he would LIKE me to take him out. I thought he wanted to go to the fair. I thought he wanted to stop for cheesecake.

Nope.

That was what I wanted to do.

 

Day two of the 30 Day Poetry Challenge:

Yesterday was Supposed to be Your Day

For all my talk
I am still rattled
by the little things