MoxieLife

Again Why Blog

Because of the hoo haw over my last couple of posts criticizing our state papers movie review and it's reviewer I have once again been wondering "why do I blog". What does it mean to put your thoughts, however unformed or opinionated out there?  Why bother with it all?

I have been blogging for years now and it has taken me through my parents death, the separation with my husband, personal conflicts, my daughter going off to college, farm fiasco's and funny moments. I don't (I know this might seem hard to believe) share everything here. Some things are private or just not necessary to bang out in public. I actually have two blogs - this one for life and a business blog - I keep them separate to some extent because people who read this might not care about good customer service or small business marketing tips.

The community that has formed around this blog has been caring, uplifting, sometimes challenging, and supportive. I am grateful for every reader that spends their time perusing my little space in the universe. I have met people online that I hope to someday meet in person and I have people in my everyday life who get to know me a little better by reading my blog.

For many years I taught journaling to children, teens and adults - in Missouri, San Francisco and then a few classes in Arkansas. I am a big believer in the practice of getting your story down. I recognize that each of us has their own perspective that is unique to our own experience and that makes us wonderfully enchanting and sometimes challenging. The value of writing all of those crazy moments in our lives down is that we validate our experience. This can be done in a composition book, leather bound journal or here on the internet. It doesn't matter what process you use it is a great tool to exploring who we are, what we think, what we believe and where we might be going. I chalk it right up there with meditation.

So, why do it when sometimes you piss someone off? Or why piss someone off at all? Well, I am a woman of many opinions. My mom raised me to express them however unpopular. My dad taught me to challenge authority. This is an explosive cocktail of self expression, but one I thrive in. It isn't my goal to actually make anyone mad - in fact, I get upset when I have hurt someone because of what I have said and will usually (except not all) make amends or try to help them understand my point of view. That just doesn't always happens and I just move on. No one has to agree with me. I am not using this forum to build consensus on a topic - this is my spew space!

In the end - this is part of my practice. My spiritual practice to get it down and expose it for all it is worth, my writing practice because the more I write the more I write, and my life practice of being honest with myself and others.

So, readers and friends, thanks for being part of this and reading, commenting, lurking, challenging me, and uplifting me during all of this time. I am grateful that you have inadvertently become part of my slice of the universe and I look forward however explosive it gets around here to continuing the conversation.

If you have read this far go vote for my goofy daughter who wants to be a model for Snorg Tee's!

Photo Credit: Flickr the8rgrl

 

Philip Martin I Double Dare You

A few days ago, after seeing the film Eat Pray Love, I wrote a post criticizing (lambasting) the Democrat Gazette's movie reviewer, Philip Martin, and review of the film. He then posted that on his Facebook page, a surprise to me. He also responded to me on my blog, something he as a celebrity did not have to do (bonus points for him).

He shares with me:

"Dare accepted, Miss Moxie.

I have no problem with your expressed opinions; if you want to make the Elizabeth Gilbert as portrayed by Julia Roberts in this movie a "saint," that is your privilege. But I have a tough time accepting her as a fellow traveler with Merton, Whitman, Buddha and Jesus. I wince at the cute little brown gentleman she adopted as a guru (despite, the movie makes clear, his obvious charlatanism).

I stand by my view of the film as shallow and irritating, not because the onscreen Liz is flawed, or even because of it's upper middle class materialist P.O.V. (what does it say about me that I recognized the $600 sunglasses Roberts wears in the movie?) but because that character's self-indulgence is excused as a by-product of her trivial pursuit of designer enlightenment. (And the movie's ultimate message is she just needed to find the right guy.)

I haven't read the book but I'm familiar with Gilbert's other work and suspect it's much more self-deprecatory, honest and nuanced than the Hollywood bowdlerization.

I do find it's troubling that you would make false and rather rude assertions in this piece. I sincerely doubt you would be so crass as to call me an SOB in person.

I don't smoke cigars or drink much Scotch. (I drink wine and Bourbon.) My tastes in cinema run rather away from frat comedies like The Hangover, more to (cite recent films) The Father of My Children, Summer Hours and The Kids Are All Right. And I know something about Eastern spiritual traditions. And I'm a feminist, one who doesn't believe ad hominen attacks really say anything. There is an unfortunate

But if you're going to speak truth to "power," you need to be sure of your facts. And casting me as some kind of know-nothing troglodyte who believes women should be barefoot and pregnant (or whatever you're trying to imply) is hardly congruent with reality, or the easily discovered record.

In short, it's really easy to win an argument when you get to make up the other side. I have no idea why you don't like me and why everyone should understand that, but you are entitled. Namaste. PM"

 

My response:

Dear Mr. Martin,

It is an unfair set up when an unknown blogger throws tomatoes at a target that is publicly acknowledged as the expert in their field. I have the advantage of reading everything you have published in the paper for the last 8 years since moving to Arkansas. It is also unfair that I hail from the land of movies and cut my newspaper teeth on the LA Times and then the San Francisco Chronicle - loving their coverage of all things film. It is no question that I, like you, love film - we just see it all differently.

With Eat Pray Love, I feel you missed the opportunity to connect to 51% of your audience through the understanding that this particular film, that was not geared to your demographic, was a touchstone for many American women. There is no question that we are of a certain class that allow ourselves the audacity to think we can do anything that we want - we get that - and do not deny how privileged that makes us. Thinking that those urges are in some way inferior or are selfish is an unfair statement. If I recall, you may not smoke cigars or swill whiskey, but you are a white American male which makes you one of the most privileged in the world over. You can do, be, have anything you want. I don't argue that is right or wrong - what frustrates me is when you so obviously don't want that for your sisters.

It is ok to not like a film - we all feel that way (Zoolander is one of my least liked films and anything with Sandra Bullock), but to hate it so violently seems small. When I can say, not my cup of tea, but you may love it, I know that I have reached a sense of equanimity. Many reviewers did not love this film, in fact, they thought much like you, but they were able to temper their emotions to serve the fact that maybe, just maybe, some of their readers might like it.

You had an opportunity - it may have been pandering - but one that allowed you to connect on a level that reached out to those of us who are looking for more, to do better, to care deeply. You chose instead to rake that through coals of anger and fury. One friend, listening to your review on our NPR affiliate, said you sounded angry and sad making her want to both read the book and see the movie more.

You are, as I am, entitled to your opinions (and I hold onto mine pretty strongly). You, unfortunately, represent the entire movie population of Arkansas, a heady responsibility that I do not hold. So, next time, instead of feeling the urge to be biting and pithy, try to relate to a film in a way that connects you to the chosen audience it is trying to reach and we will meet you there.

Until then, namaste - Jacqueline

Buddhist Wasteland

I have been thinking a lot about teachers lately. I regret not getting further engaged with the Insight Meditation teacher when I was in San Francisco, did yoga more with the lads in orange from the Hindu temple, or that I had went with Greg to the Raja Yoga Center other than just to their fabulous New Year's Eve celebrations. I just couldn't do it then and I am not sure that I could do it now because I am a terrible student and I have trust issues with people of authority (you would have never guessed that would you?)

As a student I never really wanted to learn something. I just wanted to know it. Immediately. I didn't do well with making mistakes or failure of any kind. I wanted to rush to the end as quickly as possible to have the knowledge absorbed in my head. That does not make a good student. You have to be willing to make mistakes, muddle through, be open to learning. Although, I am not sure it was entirely my fault. I was praised for being a a smarty pants and if you get that kind of attention you can't exactly fail. I was a teacher nightmare. "I know" was my favorite phrase. Learning a bit of humility has been a long process.

I am also afraid of trusting a spiritual teacher because of all of the hoopla to the indescretions that teachers pose. They have sex with their students, they abuse thier power, and they become like rock gods - unable to do wrong. Of course, it is their followers that make that happen - but they eat it up like chocolate the day after Valentine's Day. A terrible path - and one all to common - leaving the idea of a guru or teacher to be difficult considering I have extreme authority trust issues (who may not know anything more than I know).

I think, though, that I am at the place where I would like more instruction on meditation. If I could find a Zen priest in the area I would be thrilled. Unfortunately, I left San Francisco where every kind of teacher is available to the wanting student. I now live in a Buddhist wasteland and can't find that kind of support.

It's funny, when you want a teacher you can't find one or maybe I have not yet been willing to sacrafice enough to find one. Instead, I practice alone, read a lot, read some more, try a few yoga postures that don't seem to humiliating, and keep going. Maybe that is the teacher - the idea that I just keep going.

Photo Credit: RageForst

 

Eat Pray Love I Dare You Philip Martin

For those that know me, there is no secret that I do not Like Philip Martin, Movie Reviewer for the Arkansas Democrat Gazette. He is, in my mind, a narcissistic, petty, whining, bitter and biting newspaper writer who fuels his regret at not having realized his own dreams as a writer or would be film maker into his reviews. Everything about him makes me crazy; he complains about watching movies, going to festivals, waxes on about his scotch and cigars and is - in my mind - an SOB.

His latest review of Eat Pray Love was no surprise, he hated it. He saw the images of Liz, played by Julia Roberts, the author of the biography and catalyst of the film as narcissistic, unfeeling, and selfish. She leaves an unhappy marriage, an even unhappier relationship (with the ever beautiful James Franco) to set off on a journey to feel the wonderment of life, experience herself fully, and reach deep into who she is. Her travels take her to Italy to experience the fullness of food and language, India to learn to find god, and Bali where she balances all of that while falling in love.

What Mr. Martin failed to realize is that the idealized character of Liz is found all throughout American culture - these vagabonds who go out in search of themselves are our cultural heroes. Whitman, Emerson, Thoreau, Buddha, Jesus, Kerouac, and Merton - we relish their journey into their bodies, mind and soul and make saints out of them. In fact, we love the mythic idea so much that we have written the pursuit of happiness as part of our Constitution.

But for Martin, he finds the sacrilege that a woman would leave her responsibilities to selfishly find her true self. His argument is that it is precisely because she is a woman that she should not do this. That's right ladies, a man in the heart of the South thinks you have no right to finding out who you really are - in fact, you should stay in unhappy marriages, have countless babies all in the name of responsibility. How dare you go out an explore the world and yourself just because you want to.

As a woman who reads countless "women who are on the path to find their spiritual authenticity" books, Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat Pray Love" was not the best or the worst of this genre. It was standard fare actually, but what I saw in it was the possibility for middle American women to open up their worlds just a little bit to see that they didn't have to live unhappy. They could dare to live a different life - one full of unknowns, deep introspection, and risk. There were no rules that they had to follow. No pant sizes that they had to fit into. They had room to roam.

Yesterday, seated in the second showing on opening day of Eat Pray Love in a theater in Arkansas with my 20 year old daughter, I saw 80 middle class women over the age of 50 coming to see what they had only read about in their book clubs or in the privacy of their bedrooms. They wanted to see that fantasy come alive on the screen in brilliant colors - to experience Liz's walk vicariously and fuel the hope within.

Mr Martin, this movie wasn't for you. It was for your wife, mother, the women you work with. It was a moment where we, as American women, could collectively breathe the possibility and dream together. See it through our eyes, live your own dreams, I dare you.

Cranky Crazy Ozark Aunt

I suck. There is this great site for Arkansas Women Bloggers and I am listed. I am so happy to have found this great place for women from my adopted state to share thier blogs. It gives us introverted nerds a place to find community. Except that, like I said before, I suck.

I thought that not only I would place my blogs on this great site, but I would start to look at some of the blogs that are listed (I have looked at 72). The themes on each of the blogs were a little more than I could handle;

• homeschooling (which I don't have a problem with, but if you are doing that how do you have time to blog)
• Vacation Bible School (yep, lots and lots of posts about it)
• kids in general (kids eating popsicles, kids in play pools, kids playing with the hose, toddlers, babies, kids)
• and Jesus (lots and lots of Jesus), etc.

So, where does someone like me fit in this because, really, all those blogs make me want to scream. I want to be mean. I want to say mean things. I want to be vicious. This is not a good side of me.

I am happy that they are happy. I am happy they are doing what they are doing... it just isn't my life at all. This is what I tell myself instead of being crappy.

I don't think this wonderful group of women is going to be my blogging buddies. Unless they want to adopt the cranky, Yankee aunt in the Ozarks.

Photo Credit: Christy Ramsey

Sex, Parties, and Squash a Farm Update

A little farm catch up for those who care about those things. (You all do know I live on a farm-ette in rural Arkansas, right?) First of all, I won't even complain, I will just say it has been fucking hot. Period. Thank god for the breeze or we would dry out like the grass out here in the woods and no one would know. Now, what was I saying:

In the garden we are completely over run by winter squash and cucumbers. They have trailed up the fence, gone over the rows, grown up some tall reedy grass that we let grow because it was interesting looking. There are so many cucumbers that we have ceased picking them. We will again when the weather cools down a bit. At this point my husband can only water naked in the morning and even that is too hot.

We had our first infestation of Japanese beetles. They are beautiful green bugs that eat the hell out of plants. They seemed to think our basil was a disco and that they could get it on right in public. Apparently, I was supposed to lure them into some bag using a pheromone, but I was slow to figure out what was going on so we let them party on. So much for basil.

The summer squash was squished by squash bugs. I tried my best to conquer them by squishing them in my fat little fingers until they ran green with squash guts, but I was unable to move as fast as they could procreate and they ate two of our plants to the ground. No summer squash will be planted next year because being that destructive is not good for my soul.

We raised 6 chicks from the feed store; two Buff Brahma's, two Barred Rocks, one Buff Orpington, and one Americana. The latter ended up being a boy. A beautiful, sing your song out loud all day long and fuck the hens silly boy. Well, I am not comfortable with unwanted sexual advances (rape) so we sent him to live with Loretta who wanted her own Cock on the Walk. Her husband, although knowing that we though this stud was Jewish, proceeded to name him after me - Jack. I hope he makes her cougar like hens very happy.

We had mice in the kitchen. They ate tiny holes out of our avocados that I prize like they were priceless works of art from my homeland (California). They left their calling cards all over our stove, counters, cabinets, and in the fruit bowl. They would throw popcorn parties under the stove. I was terrified to go into the kitchen in the middle of the night through to the laundry room that I would step on one of their little (I hoped little) bodies. We tried sticky traps and got one. We tried more sticky traps and got none. We cleaned viciously and they still partied like they owned the place. Finally we took everything out of the cabinets and my husband filled every possible hole with sealing foam, resurfaced the back wall, and said a few choice words to the nest he found. Apparently, that worked and they haven't come back.

So, heat, an over abundance of sqash, beautiful beetles, sex in the chicken yard, and mice make up my summer farm story - it has everything beauty, over consumption, sex and the thrill in the night. Don't you want to come play farm with us?

The Good and the Moral

I read something recently "good doesn't equal stupid". It was from the novel Happy All the Time. It made me stop and think do I think good people are stupid? Is a healthy dose of cycicim the true test of an intellectual. If you really understand what is happening in the world can you continue to be good and are you being stupid?

There is a naive quality to the word good. It is simple in it's understanding. I apply it to the work that I do, I actually say "do good work". But what do I mean by that? I think I mean that I want myself and others to do solid, uncomplicated, clearly stated work that benefits others. That is, by definition, good.

The novel went on to explain that she was moral where her husband was good. I see this in myself. I am not as good a person as my husband. I have small grievences. I am petty and mean sometimes. He takes a longer view of things and has a more kind heart. In short, he is good. I am forced to be good by my morality and with that I feel superior. Silly isn't it. I am not superior... but my crazy smart mind has to justify the meanness and the ACT of being good rather then simply just being good.

My ultimate goal is to get to that basic place where good is the center and to do that I have to sit through the mean, small, petty feelings and feel them completely and when I get through to the other side I am certian there will be good waiting for me.

Photo Credit: Roadsidepictures

Making Shit Happen or Sowing Some Seeds

I moved to our small town 8 years ago and I moved here just to experience small town life, put my daughter in a private independent school, and be with my family more. No expectations. No big goals. No desire to make a difference or get involved... until I decided I wanted to see stuff happen.

It is obvious that I am "do-er". I believe, deep in my heart, that if you want to see stuff happen in your life you have to do it. Don't sit around and complain. Don't say you are bored. Don't rely on other people to craft your life. Go out and make shit happen.

This morning, when I couldn't sleep, I started making a list of some of the things I have done since moving to Eureka Springs, AR... not bragging or looking for bonus points just wanted to see for myself what I have brought to our little town.

I have:

• Designed the library card for the cities library
• Started a Teen Movie night that ran for 2 years (thanks Jean)
• Held the first dance that the middle school group ever had for my daughters 13th birthday
• Put on A Midsummer Nights Dream with my friends as the actors for my husbands 40th birthday
• Was president of our church for a year
• Taught Sunday School for a year
• Designed the branding that the local arts school still uses
• Put on the first Art Car Parade (that sadly, after 5 years isn't happening in town)
• Organizes the Oscar Meyer Weiner Dog Parade (because my friend Steve asked me to)
• Held an overnight totally authentic Survivor party for my daughter's birthday
• Instigated a documentary film festival at the library
• Dressed up as the wand maker for two Harry Potter parties, wore the Winnie the Pooh costume, served sassy coffee at the teen coffee house, and made corn husk dolls for the children at the library
• Started the first Mad Hatters Ball that is still going on as a fund raiser for the art school
• Taught creative writing at the youth center
• Wrote and received a NEA grant for the youth center
• Created the Win A Window shopping contest for downtown
• Held the first Living Windows event
• Brought accountability to the staff at the school our daughter went to in light of some very serious matters
• Started the citywide Bingo Game and Sidewalk Sale
• Held a Pirate Party and Citywide Booty Hunt for my daughters birthday
• Designed numerous flyer's, posters, and event material
• Created the first Chalk Fest in the Park event
• Created the first Under the Big top Circus Sideshow dance party in the park (that was last night and rocked!)
• Taught small business marketing classes and workshops

When I look at the list I am amazed - these are some great things and the funny thing is I don't think that many people know that I was behind them. Which is totally how I want it. I like working quietly to make big things happen. I don't want a lot of controversy or criticism (to be honest). I want people to take advantage of what I bring to the table, if they want to, and if they don't just pass by. And trust me, lots of people aren't interested in one thing that I do and that is ok. I am proud of the seeds I have planted in my adopted town and I plan to sow more.

 

Photo Credit: my daughter! This is me with the Rowdy Beaver from the Rowdy Beaver Den at Under the Big Top in our downtown park.

 

What do you wish for your creativity?

I am not really a big fan of wishing, but over on Jamie Ridler's blog she posted this question and I think the idea is good - what are we hoping our creativity will be? What do we want out of it? And, even, why do we bother?

My hope, for all of my creative endeavors, is to give the world a slice of me. I am one of those crazy people that thinks I have things to share that others might like, be moved by, change because of, or even oppose. Whatever the response I feel I have done my job if you do something.

So, what do I "wish" for? I wish to move you. I want you to read something I have written and think differently about your circumstances. I want you to try something new. I want you to dream bigger. If you come to an event I am hosting I want you to feel part of a community. I want you to find joy. I want you to experience yourself as fully as you can. If you look at my art I want you to feel something - anything. The experience should captivate you, if even for a second.

I am compelled to keep sharing because of all of that. No matter if I am rejected, accepted, or not even noticed. My hope is that one person feels something - and so I create.

Photo Credit: Define 23

Couch Conversations: News Mashup

Funniest moment yesterday was when my Sparkly Girl did this News Mashup - she tuned out for like 3 seconds and this is what transpired.

Leading news stories: Fat people found in 9 states (our own Arkansas being one of them) and filling the oil leak with mud.

She says, "Slim Fast has clay in it."

Then she goes on to say that it seems like a good idea that they are putting mud into fat people...

A little confusion goes a long way towards funny.