MoxieLife

Living in a Park

Yesterday I did something that I never do - I got comfortable in our Twin Oaks hammock and read my book. It was delicious. I had no idea that swaying gently in the bough of the netted hammock would be so calming, so comfortable. It isn't that I don't take time to relax, I do. I am often found standing in the kitchen reading, sitting in a camp chair on the porch or propped up with pillows in my spot on the bed. The hammock though was new and the reason I ventured out there is because something a friend said at our book club, "your home is like living in a park."

She is right.

We live on 13 acres and the several surrounding our home are mowed and taken care of by my Good Man. He labors on our lawn - not a typical lawn, it is a diverse species meadow - mowing it ever shorter by the house. In that space there are two picnic areas, our garden, a campfire circle, the chicken coop, and the hammock. And looking at it again after her comment I realized she was so right, I do live in a park.

And if I live in a park I should enjoy it. I should stop fussing with the ever in need of improvement house and go play in the park.

Luxurious.

We have very little, by choice. We have taken the "live simply" motto and applied it with vigor, but we have the enviable fortune to live in our own park - and that is wealth beyond measure.

The key is to remember and to enjoy it. Not to look at the constant flaws, the needs that just can't be met, or the lack that is often apparent. If the perspective of abundance can be held then it is glorious to live in a setting only dreamed of by so many.

Things don't look so desperate when you are swinging in the shade of two enormous oaks in the curve of comfort of a hand crafted hammock.

Resisting the Balancing Act

Do ever have the feeling that you aren't particularly grounded? I have been feeling that way for a few days. Nothing exceptional has happened, the average amount of stress and life stuff, but I can't get over that untethered feeling. It isn't particularly welcome.

I am resisting doing things that I normally do to keep me grounded (to do lists, journaling, mopping the kitchen floor). They are, mostly, mundane things that keep me feeling connected to my space in this life. The resistance is interesting too - like why not do these things. They work, you like them, why feel this unsettled way?

The Daily Om states: "Stay in touch with yourself. Soul searching, meditation, and journaling are just a few of the many activities you can take part in to stay aware and learn as much as you can about your emotions, reactions, likes, dislikes, dreams, and fears. Having a solid sense of self gives you a firm foundation for living in this world."

They also recommend connecting with others, limiting media input, etc. All good things. The thing I am currently curious about though is that darn resistance to doing the things I know are balancing. What is that about?

Photo Credit: D Sharon Pruitt

Journaling Just for Me

I, like Roz, have kept a journal for a long time. I have taught journaling to adults, teens, kids - all kinds of journals. To me it isn't so much a daily habit, as suggested by a Unitarian whom she gave a talk to, rather a committed act to myself. Something just for me.

There aren't many things in life that are like that. When I cook, it is for others. When I drive, it is often for others. When I am working, well that is certainly for others. Even when I dress I am often thinking of others when I dive into my closet.

But keeping a journal, even sporadically, is just for me. No one reads them or looks at the sketches. There are no reviews or deadlines. I am not even doing it for posterity. I don't really care if anyone ever reads them. I don't think, out of context, that they would make much sense to others.

When I boil down why I do it, why I continue to scribble across the page it is because I am allowing myself that time. The time to hammer out an idea, dream a little bigger, whine - and it is all just for me. Just thinking about that makes me smile.

Drawing My Perspective

Instead of just reading about it I am going to do it. No real reason not to. I mean I am capable. I just don't for some reason. Ok, WHAT am I blathering about? Drawing! I have approximately 15 drawing books on my book shelf and I just bought a new one: Drawing Lab by Carla Sonheim sort of as a Father's Day gift for my husband, but not really. Mostly as another book to add to my crowded collection.

Not only do I have the books, but I also have a ton of supplies. I even have three spaces in my house that could easily house a small studio space (and I only live in 800 square feet).

But there is something blocking me.

I am a graphic designer by education - hence the 4th of July poster on this post - so I have an eye for that. But drawing, painting, photography, etc were all taken by my family.

Seriously.

They all said I couldn't draw, photograph, or paint very well, so why bother.

Very supportive. (Seriously sarcastic.)

I don't know if I was really that horrible or more they were threatened by the possibility that I might be good. It is just odd that they were so sure I couldn't do any of that at the age of say 12 or 13. Why would you tell a child they weren't good at anything. Anyway, all these years later I have wanted to draw my own version of the world. Not that I was going to be the next Leonardo, Picasso, Miro or even Klee, but I wanted to take my own perspective on how I see things and draw my little heart out.

But I never do.

I have the supplies out. The intention. But I just do the dishes, make the bed, type out this, or pull weeds.

Not this time. Tonight I am doing the first project in that little book - I am drawing 30 cats in bed. Not great cats, not even necessarily one of my cats, but 30 cats.

Do UU Love?

Recently, on the UU Salon the question was about Universalism and I quickly posted my response to "the Other U" thinking I was done with the subject. Then I read a blog I really like written by a UU minister in Washington.

Kit states, "Universalism is about Love in all its many permutations. While Unitarianism may support marriage equality and BGLT rights because these issues are logically correct, Universalism supports them because it is in our nature to love and these are issues of love and acceptance."

And my frustration rose once again.

Seriously, love?

Universalism isn't the realm of love it is the idea the everyone gets to go to heaven. An idea that, as a Unitarian in the 21st century I can't abide with. If it has melded into the idea that it holds the keys to love I am astounded and wonder what else they are the answer too that I am missing out on.

To think that any one religious thought is the answer to love, kindness, compassion is ridiculous.

Let me be clear - Unitarians love too. We may also understand our rational mind, but we also love passionately filled with compassion.

This idea, that one of us holds the answer to the emotions and the other thinking, is one reason I think our denomination is doomed to be small and struggling. We can't even see each other clearly; making it near impossible to see anything else either.

Real Friends Vs Facebook Friends

I have been on an un-friending kick this week on Facebook. When I first started Facebook I was pretty open to being "friends" with people. If I knew you, had been friends with you online, or were connected in real life I would add you as my friend. I didn't really do work people, just real people who were my friends.

Then I realized that just because I know you or read your blog doesn't mean that I really want to know you in that way (the way that shares when you get a haircut, clean up your dog's barf from the back steps, or your son graduates from elementary school). We aren't really friends. So, I quickly un-friended those people.

Then there were the people who wear their anxiety, hatred of others, or desire to nitpick every living thing - they had to go too.

This was actually harder. One of the women who's blog I had read (and didn't ever really agree with), but who is a popular minister in the UU world was one of the ones who had to go. I realized that I was tired of her constant superiority about what other people read, said, or wore. In fact, if we met, I didn't think we would actually like one another very much.

Then there were the peripheral people who don't really contribute to my world and who I didn't think wanted to see when I took out the garbage, danced a polka or cleaned out the chicken coop. Really, I don't think they would care so why share it.

So, now if I am friends with you I actually care about your load of laundry, the fact that you are dealing with your difficult teenager, or are growing cucumbers.

Compassion Even for BP

Yesterday I caught the commercial with the CEO of BP explaining that they know they are responsible for the oil spill and that they are truly sorry for the ungodly mess that they have made. That commercial was targeted for women who cry at Hallmark commercials because, folks, I felt sorry for him.

Put down the things you are about to throw at me.

Sure his company ignored all of the warnings that the oil rig was a mess, but how many of us take the batteries out of our smoke alarms because we are sick of having them go off every time we roast a chicken?

The Hallmark commercial people know that about us.

This guy, this CEO, didn't PLAN to have the worst environmental nightmare on record. In fact, he is probably regretting that he is CEO at all. Bad timing on his part.

The thought I had was that people, companies, governments - everyone - makes bad decisions from time to time. We all make mistakes that impact other people and yet we all want forgiveness. We all want someone to have compassion. Even the guy from BP.

Public Citizen is asking to boycott BP, but that seems fruitless. It is BP this time, but it could/will be Exxon/Chevron/OPEC next time. Boycotting one company when they are all, probably, committing the same acts of neglect seem small and petty. Better to understand our dependence on oil and ween ourselves from that; if we are truly seeking change.

The idea that these companies operate with a determined amount of risk is no different then any other company, family, person. We all have areas that we judge to be safe enough, or we are willing to live with the consequences if things fall apart in that area. In my life, we live without health insurance and that is a risk that many would find unbearable, but we are comfortable with that in our lives and we have been lucky. Granted, most corporate entities feel that money/profit is more important then human/planet life, but we do to every time one of us decides to use toxic chemicals on our plants, drive after drinking, or have unprotected sex with a stranger. Our scale is smaller, but no less important.

So, compassion, it doesn't take the place of responsibility, but it has to be part of the equation because we are infinitely human and Hallmark knows that.

The Other U

The June Big Question over at the UU Salon is up: Universalism, the "other U." What does it mean to you? Do you resonate with Universalism, or not? What about the Universalist perspective challenges or comforts you?

Really, I would have been just as happy if we never merged the two churches. As you know, I was raised Unitarian and our family had no connection to the idea of the Universalists. There was no heaven so it didn't matter if we all went there (which in my very simplified world of UUism is what Universalist means. Now that we are merged (and have been for over 30 years) I have accepted that it is part of our current history. We took to failing or shrinking religious institutions and merged them into one and in that act we forced both sides to get it together to agree on something. What that something is unclear to me.

I know that in churches that were mostly Unitarian there wasn't much influence of the Universalists, and I suspect that goes both ways. We Unitarians were suspect of those God fearing, heaven bound creatures - we were FINE that they believed that, but we were unsure about US believing that.

Now that most of that history is LONG gone it seems that there is just this mesh of the two. Some watered down version of spiritual belief -or actually a more wide version that has UU Christians, Buddhists, Hindus, etc. rather than Unitarians and Universalists.

I don't think we really think about either any more. We are just UU. And maybe that is a good thing.

Brave Poems

I am in love with this in a big way! It reminds me of a Natalie Goldberg moment where she sold poems as a fundraiser for her Zen society in Minnesota. I love the idea of typing out a poem at the request of someone standing there waiting - not sure why it appeals to me except it bridges that creativity and payment area so perfectly. I have dreams of doing this in our small town - but I am not nearly brave enough.

Chosen Moments

The weekend was one of celebration, quiet, and calm. Something that I needed. We started on Saturday by attending the wedding of a friend from East Wind. We haven't seen each other in 12 years, but it seemed as if we had never stopped sitting around picnic tables chatting. It was like a mini hippie reunion (there were 9 (counting the bride) and I was so happy to have that moment. It reminded me of what I wanted so badly then - progressive, smart, community - and how important that is to cultivate in your life where ever you find yourself.

For those of us who aren't living in community any more we asked questions about how it changed us, did we find what we were looking for, and are we happy now. Mostly the answers were vague and airy but mostly filled with yes. We didn't find what we were looking for, but we are happy now. It was amazing (to me who has drifted back to a mostly mainstream life to see so many of us back in one place - sharing this magical day with one of our friends.

We had always said that if we ever saw one of the 72 commune members out in the world we would stop to say hello, even if we didn't exactly like them, because they were members of a moment in our life like no other. I assume it is how members of the military feel, survivors of natural disasters, or victims of war (goodness is living in community that bad?)

I talked for a long time with B. who is still living at East Wind and is now really one of the old timers and he said that he uses community to further his own creative work rather then expecting it to fulfill some larger community dream. If you can do that you can be happy there, but if you have idealized moments of Walden Two then you can't.

So, the weekend started with a joyful celebration and ended with me realizing just how lucky I am. Lucky to have chosen a moment to drop out, chosen a moment to live big, and now chosen a moment to live quietly cultivating the smart, progressive community I care about.