I have been sick for over a week now - just allergies and sinus stuff. Nothing serious, but boy it does something to your self esteem. I feel lonely and pathetic. It doesn't help that the last week has been gorgeous and I have barely been upright.
I am not the most social person. In fact, I usually only go to stuff that is work related, and then because I have to. I just don't have much of that "hang out" gene. I don't know how to just sit there and talk for hours about topics that aren't controversial... heck, I am not sure I even know how to have fun without it involving work of some kind.
When I think about that - really think about that - I get kind of depressed. (Remember, it doesn't help that I am sick.) I am SURE that all my other friends have all these great social moments that I am not invited to.
Well, actually they do. I know that. How do I know that, well the advent of Facebook is one way to realize you are a social pariah. When everyone else is thanking each other for the great time they had at X and X; you get the feeling that you aren't really on the A List. Or you can be completely lame like me and call a friend to whine about something to have someone else answer their phone and have party noise coming out the other side.... only to hang up before they can find who you were calling for. (Sorry, I just felt lame and didn't want that awkward conversation.)
Before Facebook (and I guess the random phone call) I never thought much about not being invited places. People invited you or they didn't and that was ok... you didn't KNOW about it. Now though it is like the kid in the 3rd grade class that no one wants to invite over - except now that kid is me.
Let's be honest here: I haven't gone to church in over two years, I don't go out in public much except for work, I don't invite people over to my house - who would even suspect that I wanted to come out and play?
I want to be one of those easy to be with people... someone who brings the perfect snack... someone you want to hang out with, but for some reason I was not blessed with this skill.
And now I am just feeling sorry for myself - pathetic. Damn you Facebook!
