MoxieLife

Passionate About Unitarian Adult Faith Development

Pushy, arrogant, or just passionate? You decide. Yesterday I had the privilege of speaking at the Eureka Unitarian Universalist Fellowship. I haven't attended in over 2 years for a number of personal reasons, but I have been in contact with them. I am the host for their Yahoo group, keep up their Facebook Fan Page, and answer other tech related questions. That isn't why I was speaking though, although I certainly have done that in the past.

Several months ago I sent an email to the then President of the Fellowship asking if they would be interested in hosting an Adult Faith Development course. I linked to the newest one by Dr. Thedanka for her to peruse. She politely said that she didn't think that the group would be interested.

I sat with that for several months.

Then I emailed the entire Fellowship using our Yahoo Group about the idea and was overwhelmed by the resounding YES to offering some kind or Adult RE. They were hungry for a 10:00 class or something that would fit their schedules, but they wanted something. That email then led to being asked to speak on Sunday morning.

I then did what I do when I am asked to speak - I thought about it for months, downloaded some information, bounced ideas off my Preacher Kid husband and then did nothing until the night before.

My goal for the talk was to share my passion, suggest some ideas to include an Adult Faith Development program, offer some tools, and offer my support.

I shared how as a UU I am passionate about my foundation - knowing where we came from and that although I no longer stand on the steps of either the beginnings of Unitarian or Universalist thought I am filled with pride that I have that as my history and can share my Atheist path within it's walls. Learning who we are and where we come from is a vital exercise in being able to articulate our own spiritual path and share it - not to mention that it puts us all on the same page.

I then shared some thoughts by some of our denominations greatest RE leaders, quotes from people who have done Adult programs in their congregations, and how you start a program - usually finding one really passionate person (hello, me!).

We moved into some specifics: where classes could meet, when, and how often.

I then shared how I thought it could work.

We could offer a Sunday Morning Reading with the UU's program where we take on a book each month (political, spiritual, ecology, etc.) and discuss the progressive chapters. This group would have no facilitator and just a passion of our beloved books and a schedule of what to read next.

Then we would - and don't gasp because it is what they want - use the new What Moves Us curriculum as a monthly Sunday service - bringing the entire congregation up to speed on our foundation as UU's. I know it will take some severe tweaking, but we have done this type of thing with other curriculum's (Welcoming Congregation & Building Our Own Theology) and it helps the entire congregation feel part of our movement. THis would be co-led by a team - and probably miss out on some of the deep benefits of small groups, but we could offer it again for that.

For small groups we would offer (during times that work for each group) the Spirit in Action program. This would be the life building skills and small group participation component. They would meet monthly in their small groups and be facilitated by the group.

I closed with a reading from a Small Group Ministry book - that our collective time together isn't just for us - but for the growth of our communities, fellowship, and those we touch in our lives.

After the service I was approached by many members who want all of it - on fire, they are! And one very touching moment when a member remembered a service he gave (remember we are lay led) where he asked the congregation who was a Unitarian Universalist and only my daughter and I raised our hands - he understood in that moment both our experience and why we are so passionate about our history. There will be more to come, but it looks like I am going back to My People (as I affectionately call them).

Photo Credit: Philocrites

Luxurious Living

I have been thinking lately, mostly because the idea was sparked by the book Shell Seekers, what luxury means to me. The thought came up because they were living during WWII in England and were deprived of not just luxuries, but even the most basic necessities. As they sat in a sun drenched lawn they discussed what was truly luxurious to them; not furs, silks, or fine wines - but moments in life where you experience a fullness and I could completely relate.

I do not live a luxurious life, by choice. It is though filled with luxurious moments. In the book, Penelope comments that sitting in the yard, smelling the fresh cut grass and knowing that she is alone, but that her love is not far is filled with a luxury of the moment.

Prior to reading that I had written a poem as part of my 40/40 Challenge entitled:

The Yard
The sound of mowing
close at hand
lightens my heart strings

Funny how separated by continents and time there is a similarity of thought.

Then I started thinking about what else I find luxurious. There are the obvious things: dark chocolate, a bath, sparkling water with lemon or lime, long walks around the lake, reading in a chair during the work day outside on my property utterly alone and fully content while eating lunch, catching up with good friends over tea. All simple pleasures, really, but truly luxurious. I contend that this life I have built for myself is filled with luxuries that many only dream of - in fact I know they do. All the city dwelling corporate folks who are reading tome after tome on how to simplify their lives and I am living the dream that they only wish for.

Recently, just this weekend actually, I have chosen to give myself another luxury. Coffee. I stopped drinking it over a year ago because I was drinking a pot or two a day and it was fueling my anger and frustrations - and a serious caffeine addiction. So, I quit. But I realized that I missed the taste, the preparation, the smell, and the comfort of it. With that, I have reintroduced this into my routine. But there are rules. Only at home. Only one cup. Only the best coffee. And only if I have time to sit and enjoy it. Then it can remain a luxury and not a necessity.

What are your luxuries? Do you live in posh place filled with lovely things? Do you relish in your designer clothes? Or are you more like me and find luxury in the moments where you are experiencing life in a way that is truly special.

Photo Credit: MollyJolly

Say Yes With Me

We are not whole complete people - at least I am not. I am a constant work in progress. Everyday I have to rededicate myself to who I am and what I want to be. My biggest culprit is sloth - I love to lay in bed on a drizzly morning after not sleeping great and fill my mind with incredible ideas. It is my super planning moment; that time laying in bed quietly. But if I am not careful I could find myself stuck there.

And so I rededicate myself each morning to being the whole person I want to be.

This morning I was thinking about the power of yes. I know that No is the word that most women feel the need to learn because they find themselves over committed to things that they don't really want to do. But what if, instead, we committed ourselves to saying YES to what we really did want to do. To taking risks in life when we don't know the outcome. To saying yes to things that we aren't sure about. Or saying yes to being asked to go somewhere when really we just want to stay in and sit on our couch.

Doesn't yes give us more life then no? Doesn't saying yes allow us to experience life more fully? Doesn't yes open doors?

So why are we all practicing saying no?

I think reclaiming Yes for ourselves has a lot more power then telling everyone no. I am challenging myself to say yes more. When a friend wants to go walking I say yes. When my husband wants to show me something right when I am in the middle of something I say yes. When I get asked to speak to a group, I say yes. Not because I am not listening to what I need, but because we have so little time here on this planet and I know that experiencing it as richly and fully as we can will provide deep happiness and no, well, no just shuts the door to opportunity.

What can you radically say yes to this week?

Photo Credit: 4rilla

Our Book Club Retreat

When was the last time that you spent an entire day on you? Me, not in ages. When the invitation came first by email and then in the post for a day long retreat for my book club I knew that I would say yes. The day was planned by four members of our book club and all but two were able to attend. That is saying a lot - we all knew that it would be a special moment, one that we wanted to be part of.

The day started at 10:00 by driving through the Ozarks to Vicki's home on the lake. Her home is situated to be by itself and yet in a beautiful neighborhood of Beaver Lake homes. Each view is filled with wonder; either of the lake, trees, or incredibly landscaped yards with purple Japanese maples. The home itself is a museum to the artists within our community and yet warm and cozy at the same time.

After handing off our potluck dishes to the hostess we gathered for tea and coffee (she has the neatest hot water on demand faucet on her sink: covet!) they walked us through our day. It was structured and not - the perfect blend for a large group of women. We assembled in the kitchen nook and shared our favorite things; quotes, songs, readings, videos, and moments in nature. The offerings reflected our shared experience of being women and the thoughtfulness of our own spirit.

One that stood out was a quote from Lorrie Moore's "Who Will Run the Frog Hospital?" "You do not give back to the same people who give to you. Not at all. You give to different people, and they in turn will give to someone entirely different. Not you. That's the sloppy economy of loving and living."

We then broke into groups and worked through some questions - our group tackled: What if who is running your life turned out to be you? I would have to be the one who ________. I would have to give up _________. Who in my life would benefit? Heady questions for early in the morning, but it lead to wonderful sharing. Our group ranged in age from 68 to 40 and the life experiences and passions were different; but we all agreed that we are all living our own lives and yet we need to take more risks and live more - and consequences be damned because you have but one life.

After a beautiful lunch of salads of every kind we went into another group and discussed What if we thought cleansing our thoughts was as important as washing our clothes? What thoughts would you wash out? How would my negative assumptions change? How would I become more accepting of others (people, groups, situations?) I shared my practice of just watching thoughts - that they aren't good or bad as we shared the need to stop the narrative that tells us that we and others aren't good enough. That tape needs to just be ejected. We talked about the gift that travel gives us - to experience others as they are without assuming we understand and hope that every child has that moment because it can change the entire world conversation.

Off to our third and last group, the walk being rained out, we huddled in our spaces with our ladies to discuss what changes would we make in order to simplify our lives? What would you eliminate? What would you add? What role do things play in your life? We all agreed that it wasn't things that made us happy and one shared that is her time in nature that she connects to the simple life she wants to lead.

We broke up to share together in the larger group what we had learned in our smaller groups - and although we may not agree on every belief or idea we had the collective experience that we were each continuing down the path of growth and hope - wherever life had found us in that moment and boy do we like to laugh!

Dinner was surrounding ourselves with friends and wonderful stories - sharing our failures and foibles as easily as our successes and wins - all with a dose of laughter that trickles through each moment.

Our book club has met for 6 years this April, and although I do not make it to every meeting and even chose not to go when my life was at its messiest I knew they were meeting each month. Discussing, or not, the book that they had chosen to read and that gave me a sense of place - a place that I could belong. I am grateful that these ladies of Carroll County Arkansas have taken me in and welcomed me. I feel like I have traveled far to find home.

Zip It

I have been thinking a lot lately about opinions. We all have them. We all voice them. All the time, but what are they really but a filter for us to decide what we think is good or bad. I believe there is a quote that goes something like "nothing is good or bad thinking only makes it so"... or something.

The question I keep fiddling with is do these opinions matter? Does it matter if I like your ad campaign, hair, or choice of husband. The truth - not really. They don't really effect me or change my life in anyway. I don't have to like or not like them. I can just let them be.

Then I start think that you have to have some convictions - things that spur you to action. Aha! Bingo! That's it! That is the key, it is the action of it all. If you are all just spouting out your opinions, but you aren't willing to get in and get your hands dirty making changes then shut up. Zip it.

Seriously, who cares about what you think about someones car, job, ideas - no one. Think your own ideas and live those.

We are just so hard on each other - thinking that our opinions are what are right. They aren't - not for someone else. Stop sharing yours for a week and see how freeing it is.

Photo Credit: Stev.ie

Facebook Just Rubs It In

I have been sick for over a week now - just allergies and sinus stuff. Nothing serious, but boy it does something to your self esteem. I feel lonely and pathetic. It doesn't help that the last week has been gorgeous and I have barely been upright.

I am not the most social person. In fact, I usually only go to stuff that is work related, and then because I have to. I just don't have much of that "hang out" gene. I don't know how to just sit there and talk for hours about topics that aren't controversial... heck, I am not sure I even know how to have fun without it involving work of some kind.

When I think about that - really think about that - I get kind of depressed. (Remember, it doesn't help that I am sick.) I am SURE that all my other friends have all these great social moments that I am not invited to.

Well, actually they do. I know that. How do I know that, well the advent of Facebook is one way to realize you are a social pariah. When everyone else is thanking each other for the great time they had at X and X; you get the feeling that you aren't really on the A List. Or you can be completely lame like me and call a friend to whine about something to have someone else answer their phone and have party noise coming out the other side.... only to hang up before they can find who you were calling for. (Sorry, I just felt lame and didn't want that awkward conversation.)

Before Facebook (and I guess the random phone call) I never thought much about not being invited places. People invited you or they didn't and that was ok... you didn't KNOW about it. Now though it is like the kid in the 3rd grade class that no one wants to invite over - except now that kid is me.

Let's be honest here: I haven't gone to church in over two years, I don't go out in public much except for work, I don't invite people over to my house - who would even suspect that I wanted to come out and play?

I want to be one of those easy to be with people... someone who brings the perfect snack... someone you want to hang out with, but for some reason I was not blessed with this skill.

And now I am just feeling sorry for myself - pathetic. Damn you Facebook!

Pollen Won Round One

It is when I am sick that I realize I am not my best self. Tuesday night I was attacked by the worst allergy season ever - the pollen invaded and won. For several days I have barely been vertical; preferring the comfort of my bed and the distraction of sleep over the itchy eyes, runny nose, and aching head. I have gone through an entire box of Kleenex and two rolls of toilet paper (substitute for when the Kleenex ran out). I canceled appointments, didn't go to events, and although I feel better today I still sound like a sniffling toddler.

But it is in this dazed and foggy minded moments that I realize that I am not my best self. I am whiny. I am pitiful. And boy, am I short tempered.

I told my husband that he had no patience only to realize when the words were rolling out of my mouth that it was I who have no patience. (The ironic part is that this happened just as I was getting ready to watch the much anticipated The Buddah on PBS. Yep, life is really obvious like that to me.)

Why is it that we are at our noblest when we are feeling good, life is going good, and we are unencumbered? As soon as you change one of these and we slide back to the reptilian self - not our best and not the who we want to be. It is in that moment where we see the split happening (the angry words, the complaining, the wanting whatever we don't have at this moment) that we can catch it. Be quiet with it and know that even this will pass. Oh, please let this pass.

Photo Credit: Robert in Toronto

The Ultimate Yes List

I have been thinking a lot lately about my Ultimate Yes List. The things that I absolutely want to do when they come up, happen, or are part of my life. These are the things that I will drop other things to do because they mean that much to me. They are how I want to really live my life - they are my real To Do list.

• Smile - I once had a professor in a Women's Studies (yes, I was that kind of student) class say that she felt feminism had given her permission to not "have to" smile anymore. I get that. I do. I just feel so wonderful when I smile at strangers, friends, my family - that simple act shares my love for them as humans in this thing we are doing.
• Say Thank You - This is something that I am learning. I didn't grow up in a household that said thank you very often, if ever. I wasn't coached as a child to say it either. But it resonates so deeply with me when I remember to say thank you. Thank you to the checker at the grocery store, thank you to the volunteer who hand cut letters for a project we are working on, thank you to a friend who agreed to go walking with me... those moments, when I remember to say thank you, feel so honest. To stop and say thank you means I recognize that you are doing something just for me and I am grateful.
• Sit - carving out time to mediate is huge to me right now. If there is a retreat, I want to go. If there is a class, I want to go. If there is a book, I want to read it. If there is 20 extra minutes, I want to plop on my cushion.
• Experiences - I want more of them. All kinds of things. New food, fun with friends, new events, music - all kinds of experiences that bring me more in touch with all of the possibilities that life has to offer.

Those are just a few of the things that are currently on my Ultimate Yes List - what would be on yours?

Photo Credit: It's Greg