MoxieLife

Bali Ha'i Called Me Last Night

 "I wish I could tell you about the South Pacific. The way it actually was..." The words danced across the screen as I sat in my seat last night at the Walton Arts Center. The music swelled and it took me a moment to realize that there was a live orchestra - so perfect and warm, like I imagine the South Pacific breeze to be.

I was an extremely lucky winner of a ticket to the Broadway Series production of South Pacific last night courtesy of the Walton Arts Center. They had chosen a handful of local bloggers to attend the performance, blog about it in 24 hours, and then the entry that gets the most "likes" on their Facebook page will win season tickets to the series. I could pinch myself!

Now let me tell you about how it actually was... such romance, such love...

Nellie is a "hick from a stick", Little Rock, AR to be precise (drawing huge applause from this Arkansas crowd), and her charming, salt of the earth personality beams through her smile. Trapped on an island she, like her Seabee boys, is a little love struck by anything that moves. She meets a charming French plantation owner and in two weeks is smitten.

Who hasn't had that feeling that it is right, it isn't right, it is right? I have certainly had my "Wash That Man Out of My Hair" moment only to be truly and fully in love the next - bolting out "I'm in Love with a Wonderful Guy". Not the healthiest of moments, but they have happened! Girlfriend, be honest - they have happened.

And the romance abounds - Emile sings “Some Enchanted Evening”, the most beautiful love song, to her and only the hardest of hearts would not melt at the delicious baritone. Sigh...

All this love and romance isn't what the play is about though - which is surprising because it is all that I remember from my high school drama class. The real theme is about racism and loving "the other". It struck me as Nellie was introduced to Emile's children, who are Polynesian and black, that we haven't come as far as we would like and nowhere would that be as evident to me then living in the South.  

Emile, completely dumbfounded by Nellie's reaction to his children, asks Lieutenant Cable why she is prejudice and he responds "it's not something you're born with, it's the way you're brought up" in the sad, but too true song "You've Got To Be Carefully Taught".

It is in that moment that the play becomes truly timeless, the romance recedes and the teaching moment happens - we cannot teach our children to hate. Your heart loves with a fullness of it's own and it does not matter the religion, race, or even gender. A lesson we can continue to learn in the South (and beyond) through Broadway classics like South Pacific.

Thank you Walton Arts Center – you transplanted me into a beautiful place to continue to learn a valuable lesson.

Photo Credit: Walton Arts Center at the Cast Meet & Greet. Photo on top is me with the characters Ngana, Jerome and one of Bloody Mary's Assistants. Below I am with Cmdr. William Harbison and Liat, Bloody Mary's daughter.

A 40/40 Challenge Update

I thought this morning I should take a look at my 40/40 Challenge and see how I am doing. Here is a quick update on a few of my activities this year. March marks my half way mark so I should be thinking about how I am going to make these things happen - or not as the case may be.

Number 3 on the list is Learn to Play Guitar, well my daughter bought herself a new electric acoustic guitar over the spring break (it is beautiful and I am a bit jealous). She gave me her little blue guitar that her RE teacher gave her the money for when she graduated (Thanks Al!). So, now I am slowly learning chords. I have Skip to My Lou down - it is two chords, but my hands need lots of practice to form new positions. It is really a lesson in going slow, being ok at not being good and giving myself permission to sing out loud.

Number 6 is Work Out (to some degree) Every Day, seriously, I have sucked at that. We had a very cold and snowy winter and I hibernated on the couch with m&m's. So, I am restarting this and feeling better about spring air making it easier to get outside and move my body.

Number 11 is Write a Poem Every Tuesday and Read it to Lynn, this has been one of the hardest challenges. I have done about half of these and some Tuesdays I am so busy that I can get the poem written, but I can't call her. I LOVE this challenge though because it gets me out of my usual routine, I am held accountable, it brings me closer to my mom and her love of poetry, and I love catching snippets of my day in poem form.

Number 15 is Turn of the TV one Week a Month, see number 6 to see that this hasn't been happening. Have to really talk to my husband about how we can do this and still hang out together. TV is our way of being together in the evening. We watch the NewsHour and I talk back to the screen while he laughs. We watch Univision while I, again, talk to the screen making up stories of what they are saying (I speak no Spanish) while he laughs. We just like TV... it is in our childhood make up (I blame/honor Sesame Street for starting this addiction). I just know it stops me from being productive in other areas of my life. Gah.

Number 27 Make a List of Food I Haven't Tried and Try Them, We ate beets, but hated them. I have NEW beets and am trying to cook them in a different way - I'll let you know if there is any beet love in our house.

Lots more to do, but I am chugging along and LOVING it! Happy 40th to me, Sesame Street, Earth Day - all the coolest things are 40!

We Don't All Think Alike

I am up, which is totally not normal for me, but I was incredibly hot and had a million ideas running around in my head. I figured if I could do my to do list for tomorrow, which is impossibly long, and get some of the creative things out of my head I would be able to get back to sleep.

I hope this is not what peri-menopause is, because folks I love my sleep.

The thing I really keep tossing around in my head is a situation with our executive board for our local Time Bank. (If you don't know about Time Banks take a moment to check them out, see if you have one in your area and learn about the movement.) We have a member of the Time Bank who is doing a lecture on "What is a Republic" in the community. This gentleman is a little kooky. He was on city council and created havoc because he refused to vote on any issue because of some ideological concept. Crazy stuff that would have made excellent reality TV. (Have I mentioned I live in a very weird town?)

Anyway, he wanted the Time Bank to promote his lecture. This one request spawned a huge reaction from every member of the executive committee. The idea of promoting an agenda, getting involved in a political issue, etc.

But that isn't what has me up at night: it is the idea that we think everyone thinks like we do.

Time Banking is kind of a hippie idea - probably socialist in some peoples view - or not. But to assume that everyone that is involved in the group is left leaning is wrong. At our Unitarian Fellowship I had assumed that very thing to be dismayed that there were Republicans in the house. Really, I didn't think that was possible.

We can't assume anything about a person; not by the way they dress, talk, look, social class, job - not for any reason.

So our JOB as human beings is to get to know them. To become familiar with them. And maybe to even understand them. No assumptions, taking the time to learn about one another. No rash generalizations, getting to know each other as individuals.

As for the Time Bank, I asked that we take this "discussion" out of email and we talk about it in person. Cooler heads will prevail in person where typed messages can be misread and misunderstood.

Photo Credit: AndyWoo

To Trust or Not

 After my recent burn - due to someone sharing an email that I wrote in confidence, having that blown up into a huge deal, and then being tattled on to the Mayor of our town (seriously, folks, it doesn't get odder then living in a small town). I believe she didn't really mean to send it to an entire group of people, but she did and I have to live with that. There wasn't anything in the email I wouldn't have said in person, but I know that people read email with much more emotion than hearing words.

Do I want to live in a way where I can't trust anyone? Not really. I like thinking that most people are honest; that they make mistakes, but they are not malicious.

When I shared the whole story with a friend she said I just can't trust anyone.

But really, who wants to live like that. It makes us seem tribal and ready to pounce at any minute.

I would rather trust and be rattled by the outcome than live in fear.

Does that make me nuts though in this conspiracy day and age? Am I just asking to be hurt? What about you? Are you certain that at any moment someone is going to take something you said out of context? Are you extra careful about what you share? Do you live a dual life - one where you are really you in private and then a separate personae in your work life? Seriously, what is your take on this?

Photo Credit: NotSoGoodPhotography

When Will I Ever Learn

Sometimes I think I will never learn. Here's the thing I work on a morale code that allows you to say anything to me, I may not love it, but I will listen respectfully and even take it under consideration. If I ask your opinion I am even MORE open to hearing what you have to say. 

This, I know I know I know (see me pounding head with fist), is not how other people behave.

No, they ask for your opinion.

I give it in the stripped down honest way that I communicate - not to hurt, but to be clear.

And they get hurt.

Then they go tell other people how I suck.

Do they tell me. No. Why? Because they do not work like I do - they live under the morale code of talking behind other people's backs.

Ugh. When will I ever learn?

Photo Credit: ercwittmn

Note: Seth Godin just wrote about this and I think he is so right. "Standing for something means giving up a lot of other things, and opening yourself to criticism." Read the post, I love where he is coming from.

A Nation of Doers

Have you seen the American Express commercial with the founder of Patagonia? He says something dear to my heart, to do good you have to actually do something. I think we are missing something in our society: doers. People who risk a little personal comfort to get involved. People who see a problem and work to fix it. People who want to stop talking and start working.

I just finished reading "Bright-Sided, How Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America" by Barbara Ehrenreich and walked away from it feeling empowered to think critically, be active, and get engaged with life.

We have so many people telling us that we can think our way into wealth, health and happiness; preachers, new age writers, and business leaders. The problem with this idea is that without action those thoughts are just thoughts. We aren't making anything happen.

I don't want to be a downer, I have definitely been called a cheerleader, but I am also a realist - life needs proactive solutions not just daydreaming. And, honey, no one is going to do it for you.

Lately here are some of the things that I am thinking about - a mentoring program for teenagers in rural areas led by strong women, the pollution that occurs in Leatherwood Creek which runs right through my property and could be effecting my water and is definitely effecting the water downstream, a rural based venture capital program or seed started fund for small businesses, and opening my home to share food on a regular basis with friends (we don't entertain and I think we should). Can I fix all of those things? I don't know, but I might be able to start the process and see where it leads me.

Barbara Ehrenreich closes the book, which despite it's title isn't depressing, with the charge to make things happen and have fun doing it. I agree with her - let's be a nation of doers not a nation of dreamers! What are you doing?

Back to Minding My Own Business

When my family and I lived at East Wind we had something called the Back Wall. It was a wall filled with clipboards at the back of the dining hall where people could write whatever they wanted. Whatever they wanted about anything and anyone. Now, it was intended, I think, to be a way to foster communication about topics, needs, and issues in the community. What happened though, too often, was that it became a place for people to write negative things about people, personal things.

That, of course, led to hurt feelings and often attacks verbally. Not the best way to handle communicating with your community.

When I moved to our small town I was told about an online bulletin board that allows people to share information and discuss public (and often personal) issues. It is hosted by two women in town who do not charge to host it and do not charge people to be part of the conversation.

This often becomes the place where negative things are posted, just like the clip boards on the back wall. People write about pieces of things that they know, they share their opinion about everything, and they often think they are the only one that could be right on any given subject.

I recently wrote on this blog about judging and sharing your opinion about everything everyone does and how I wish to be part of the Mind Your Own Business club. It is precisely because of these two experiences that I see this as so valuable an exercise.

Photo Credit: RicMcArthur

The reality is we never know the whole story about something - whether it be public issues or private. We are not personally effected by everything that happens around us or to other people and therefore our comments are often just fuel for some other persons fight.

If we care about a person or an issue why don't we approach them and ask how we can help? Not telling them (or the world) how they should be doing it, but how can we help make things better. If we don't want to put the action into the process why do we feel the need to comment at all?

Talk is just talk - the real work comes when we actively get involved to make change happen. So, again, I am working towards Minding My Own Business.

Goodbye Karma

While walking around the track the other day the ladies and I were talking about assisted suicide and the right to die movement. Two of us were pretty clear about what we thought, but one wasn't sure. This is big stuff and having an answer is not necessary, in fact, given the time who knows what any of us will choose in our own lives.

What was interesting though was the idea of Karma. A mutual friend of ours believes in Karma and that suffering is just part of our Karmic debt that we owe for things that went wrong in a past life and need to be worked out in this life to get to a better place in the next life.

I freaked out. Seriously, if I have to be held responsible for every life lesson - good and bad - that comes my way to get to something better shoot me now. I don't want to do this life or any other life again. And I don't want to see my suffering as something that will bring me any greater rewards in the next life.

Life happens. Good and bad. We handle it all the best we can. We make mistakes. We do the right thing. We are heroes and we are schmucks. All of it is part of our life experience and learning from each moment to take into the next moment is huge - how many of us are often on autopilot? To think that I have to relive horrible moments lifetime after lifetime to get to something better makes every moment seem horrible - like torture or worse, hell on earth.

To believe that there is something better seems so simple - and yet it is that belief that causes suffering. If you are not content with what you have right here at this very moment and you are waiting for something better and you are not fully experiencing this moment. And that is suffering.

I will take all life has to offer head on - good and bad - but it isn't to get anything better later. It is to just experience it at that moment. And that is good enough.

Photo Credit: TapperBoy

Minding My Own Business

Is your life perfect? Your home shining in every corner? Does your job, husband, and sex life fulfill you in every way? Do your children, immediate family, friends and pets exceed your expectations with everything they do?

I didn't think so.

We all have flaws. Some large, some small. We are also different. The things that I like or find acceptable might make you crazy. I might love my bohemian, funky home that is mismatched and filled with memories. Whereas you like a home that has museum quality pieces, stark corners, and everything in its place. Both are perfectly fine.

The question is why do we have to comment, critique, or judge everything? Why do we feel compelled to share our opinion about absolutely everything?

I realize we are living in a tabloid society where judgment brings ratings, but really who are we to say what is right for them? Are we so unfulfilled that we have to live in other people's lives?

I believe there are two bible verses about this; one about throwing stones and another about plucking the log out of your own eye. Obviously, minding your own business has been an idea for a long time, and yet we don't seem to be heeding that advice.

What would happen if for one week we didn't pass judgment? We didn't comment on someones outfit? We didn't tell someone else how to live their life? Wouldn't that be freeing? Think of all the time we would have to look at our own lives? We might actually be able to clean out that clutter in the corner we have been meaning to get to or work on our own personal issues.

I know, looking at our own lives isn't nearly as much fun as sharing our opinion about other peoples lives, but I can say for myself that the idea of minding my own business seems like freedom. No more worrying about anyone else and how they are dressed, what they have, what they are doing, or how they are doing it. I can focus on what actually matters to me, what I can actually control to some extent - my life. Who's with me? Let's start the Minding My Own Business movement - wow, we might actually be able to get some stuff done!

Photo Credit: ElMarto

Team Mustache Crosses the Finish Line

Last weekend Team Mustache: The Best Walking Team This Side of the Mississippi walked in the Victorian Classic 2K Race. It was miserably cold and our mustaches were not doing their job of keeping us warm, but they sure brought on a lot of smiles. Walking in this race was part of my 40/40 Challenge and although I didn't win I had a great time gathering strong women from all parts of my life to be part of this event to raise money for a free health clinic in town. (I did race foot to foot with the lovely and silly Margot the Clown - wonder if someone got that on film!)

As I was walking I realized how not in shape I am and how the only one to blame for that is me. Making time for physical fitness is or should be just as important as whipping up an amazing vegetarian tortilla soup. It is all about priorities. The question is how do we recommit over and over to our health?

I think one key is seeing it as an essential part of our life. Just as essential as work, eating, cleaning, organizing, sleep - all the pieces that take more time and seem to get done. If something isn't important it just gets pushed off the calendar. I want to be in amazing shape. I want to be able to run that simple 2K. I want to see myself have the physical stamina to run, hike, and play as hard as I want to.

The only thing stopping me: me.

So, just like I drag my ass to the cushion 4-6 times a week I can drag my feet to the treadmill, dance class, hiking - I can make time to take care of myself. I may never love it, but I bet I will love the results. Here's to recommitting to making exercise a valid and important part of my 40th year!