MoxieLife

Book Club and a Bite of Love

What a glorious evening. I returned, much like the prodigal son, to my book club. After over a years absence I decided it was time to go back. I love those ladies - they are some of the most generous, kind, and wise women in my entire county. I am often stunned that they (most have lived in our area their whole life or at least over 20 years) have accepted me into their little clan. It felt as if I had never left, such warmth.

After our generous meal, S. beautiful birthday celebration and a huge cake buffet we got to discussing the book for the month, Eat Cake. It was a light read for the winter months and a story of lives crashing apart and being saved by passion. In this time of job loss and economic uncertainty it was relevant and calming; with a few laughs thrown in.

During our discussion one of the questions that our illustrious leader L. asked was, "when have you been helped by others in a time of need." She, herself, couldn't think of any time that she had been helped. She is a spunky woman who raised herself practically, carries a loaded pistol, and can probably rope a steer - amazing because she is all but 5'2" tall.

She turned to T., the member of our group known for her veterinarian skills, volunteering to spay animals in foreign countries and who just got back from doing something with alligators in Florida (did I mention these were some awesome women?). T. thought back and ,although she can sew up her own cuts in a dirty field after fixing acres of fencing, she thought back to when she had surgery. L. had brought beef stew over to her home and our group had sent her a little gift. It had meant so much to her. It wasn't that she couldn't have made the stew, but that she was loved enough that someone remembered that she was hurting.

M., our wise metaphysical member, said that you have to be open to receiving help. She is so right. And it got me thinking back to why I didn't want to go during all of those hard months. I was afraid to receive. I wanted to feel hurt and suffer. If I had been able to lift myself out of that I could have explored the possibilities of women who have so much to offer.

This is an ongoing lesson for me, and perhaps for you too. Allowing ourselves to be cared for, nurtured, loved is often a difficult thing.

Our next book is The Help and I can't wait to hear these southerners stories about having help and how it affected their lives. That's right, I'll be going back.

TV the Ultimate Distraction Part 4

Email, Facebook, Twitter and now TV - my relationship to media needs an overhaul and TV is by far the biggest problem. The Bachelor, Amazing Race, Award Shows, Local News, DVD's... really just a bunch of mindless crap. Then there are all of the PBS shows; the NewsHour, Frontline, NOVA, Nature, Washington Week... the list goes on.

When I look at my TV viewing I am guilty of easily 3 hours a night. That is way too much time sitting in front of a lit box.

Why am I wasting the time when I could be crafting, writing, baking, walking, talking to friends?

Am I going to remember any of this drivel?

Is it changing me into a better person? Does it help me connect with real life people who could be part of the fabric of my life? I suspect, no.

What to do though? My husband likes TV and doesn't really have any hobbies. I can't foist hobbies on him - I have tried that. Our house is really small and if I am near the TV I am like a gadfly drawn to the light. If I am in another room doing something I feel really disconnected from him.

I don't know what to do really. Anyone successfully break the TV habit with their partner? Any suggestions greatly appreciated.

Photo Credit: Scott Beale / Laughing Squid

Tweet Tweet Twitter Distraction Part 3

Now you know about how I feel about my relationship with Email and Facebook, but today we tackle Twitter.

Twitter - as a marketing person I see the value of instantly connecting with people, but what I have noticed is that it takes the verve out of life experiences. On Sunday we watched the Super Bowl - something I have never done. I wanted to see the underdog Saints win one for that ravaged town and see the commercials.

For the first part of the game I was on Twitter talking to a friend of mine across town about the silly ads undermining men and their masculinity. I was also watching the smart ass comments that everyone had about everything. Everyone a) thinks they are brilliant and b) that they are the next Whoopie Goldberg. Sorry to disappoint, but I don't always care and I don't think you are always funny.

And then it hit me.... Twitter was taking MY experience of the event and coloring it with the mostly negative comments (why is humor so often negative) of my followers. So, I shut it down. I just put the phone down and watched the game with my husband. He was right in the room, could explain what was happening, and enjoy the digitally enhanced scream of the Who with me. Real people are more important than 140 character moments with people I have never met.

That doesn't mean that I don't want to connect, I just want to do it with clarity. So, I am imposing a 3 tweets a day for the rest of February rule to see how that feels. Really, I'm not that funny either!

Tomorrow TV and that dreaded idiot box takes over our lives.

Photo Credit: S. Son

Facebook the Total Path to Distraction Part 2

Yesterday I talked about how email often runs my life and drives every moment of my day. Now we are onto the ultimate of time wasters: Facebook!

I manage multiple Facebook accounts for clients, my own, and my personal stuff. I have to be on often, but probably not everyday.

What I find is that because I work alone at home most of the time it is my water cooler moment. A chance to check in with friends, see what it up, and share a brief snippet of what is going on with me. Again, not a bad thing, but I find that I am commenting a bit like an overzealous lonely freak. Seriously, do I really have to "like" everything? No, I don't think so.

I think I need a read only rule for a bit. Just to wean my self and nothing after 5:00pm. Seriously, If I don't impose some rules I am going to be really guilty of sharing too much information. Yesterday I removed the link of this blog to the site - I just don't think we need to share everything with everyone and the posting seemed excessive to me.

What is your relationship with social media? How is it running your life?

Tomorrow Twitter and how it sucks to not be super pithy at every moment.

Driven to Disctraction Part 1

It seems that there is always something to distract me from what I really want/need/should be doing. I am no different than a crow - the shiny things seem to always win out. That said, I am working to create more space in my life to feel and experience rather than just filling up time with stuff. My biggest time wasters are email, Facebook, Twitter, and TV. All electronic toys that used right can be extremely beneficial, but how I find myself using them is to avoid doing other things. Let's break them down one by one:

Email - I use email extensively for my work as a nonprofit executive director and marketing consultant. It is my primary communication tool. That said, is it healthy to be on it 8 hours a day? Can I really get all of the work done that I need to do if I am compulsively checking email throughout the day? Are the instant responses really necessary or can people wait while other work is being done? Gwen Bell talks about her new plan of 2010 to only check email once a day. She, like me, is a consultant. Unfortunately, I do not think I can be that extreme, but I can be less compulsive about it and turn it off in the evening.

Tomorrow - Facebook and how it sucks me in and makes me post like a crazy woman.

Photo Credit: Biscotte

Take the boots off and relax

Despite all appearances I am a pretty private person. I don't, often, go crying about my business in person. I will share delicate issues with friends. In fact, I have been known to show up at the library before they open in tears - sorry about that J. But for all that, I keep my personal issues pretty close to my heart.

Yesterday I was talking with my Sparkly Girl about that and how I thought it didn't make me very friend-able. I am not the one that shares gooey things from my life or wants to really listen to you complain about yours. I am happy to listen, but I am, as my friend Laura said once, the one that will just cut through the crap. It isn't that I don't care about you, but I am very solution driven. So, I don't have a lot of "let's hang out and bash our husbands" kind of friends.

Back to me, because I don't share many details with vast amounts of people I don't seem to attract people to me. I just have always been the person who put her boots back on and got moving. As you may know, my childhood was a nightmare - Running with Scissors had nothing on the Wolven household - so I was the one who pretended everything was ok and just went about my business. The roof may be crashing in, but I would be baking a cake. Yeah, possibly not the healthiest of patterns, but you learn them really early on.

Because of that I think people don't feel comfortable getting close to me - there is an obvious wall there. I am ok with that, but I generally like people and although I have zero hanging out skills (more on that later) I would love to go out to tea, help you move, or bring you some chicken noodle soup.

I want nothing more than to open up my heart and love extravagantly and wastefully, like Joanna said on Facebook. So, that is the process - to loosen up, to be open, to relax and to stop baking the cake.

Photo: Sparkly Girl's 19th Birthday Cake

Little Moments in Life

I hope that you enjoyed this peek in to my life. I don't know if you found it interesting, self indulgent, or a bit of both. Either way it was fun to share parts of my life here to express that I am a real person and not a nameless faceless blogger. To wrap up this week I thought I would just share a few photos. Thank you for sharing this space with me and expect more excitement as life goes on!

  My Sparkly Girl and I pull over when we spot our beloved Wiener Mobile parked in a motel parking lot.

 

My dad and I during the last months of his life... in fact this is the last picture of us together. Today, February 5th, would be his birthday. He would have been 82.

 

Our photo for our application for the Amazing Race.

Just Ask Jackie

As we continue on this week of voyeurism into my life - it has been great fun hasn't it? You have learned a lot about me. Now I thought I would do 11 questions. I'll answer 10 commonly asked questions or things I think you are dying to know and then the first person to comment and ask the 11th question I will answer that too.

1. Where were you born? Anaheim Memorial Hospital in Southern California. The location of the delivery room is now a parking lot, but the hospital is still operating. My sister actually worked there for a number of years in the Marketing department until it sold to the highest bidder.
2. Did you really leave high school in 11th grade? Yep. After just a few months into it I walked into the guidance counselors office and asked if I could just be done with it. Granted, a part of me wishes that the counselor would have said no, but I was not wanting to do this anymore. I am, well brilliant, but a bit of a slacker.
3. Where did you meet your husband? We met at Knott Avenue Christian Church in Anaheim on a church retreat. He was the "bad boy". Beautiful to look at, but all the girls said to stay away. Obviously that is why I picked him.
4. Are you officially married? Nope. We have been together for 20 years, but we have never officially tied the knot. Some-days I really wish we had - I want that romantic me moment, but we just don't see the point of buying into a religious contract that is in the day of divorce statistics reaching record levels somewhat unnecessary.
5. Were you really officially diagnosed a Pollyanna? Yes. I went to counseling after I gave my son up for adoption (gee you get to learn even more about me here) and the counselor said I was the psychiatric type of a Pollyanna. It had to do with always having a happy ending even in the harshest of circumstances.
6. When was the last vacation you had? I think when I went to Hawaii with my husband - coincidentally where our daughter was conceived.
7. Do you have any regrets? Totally. Don't you? One of my more silly regrets is that I was offered the job to manage the window displays for a large department store when I was younger and for whatever reason I didn't take the job. I would have loved the opportunity and let it pass by.
8. Do you have any vices? No, not really. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, drink coffee, have random sex partners, eat excessively, go on sugar binges... I am pretty balanced. Mostly it is because I am afraid that those vices will take over and I have never been a very moderate person.
9. Are you still an idealist? Yes. I consider that it is my work to keep my heart open even during the worst of situations. Granted, that creates a lot of heartache, but without that we are letting all of the things that drive us nuts about people, politics, society, etc win.
10. What is the most dangerous thing you have done? Possibly living my life without a safety net. We live in a way that is very simple and have risked everything to move across country, have less, and be free of the modern trappings that most people cling too - in some peoples eyes that is very dangerous - mine it is just the beginning of an amazing adventure.

Photo Credit: My daughter - that is me looking over at the frozen Lake Leatherwood in January.

Knocking on Heavens Door

I am SO going to heaven and unfortunately you probably aren't. I know, I'm an Atheist, what do I care about heaven. I just figured I should cover all of my basis. No, not really. When I was younger I was a seeker with a capital S. I tried out everything. I blame being raised Unitarian without any real spiritual guidance. Not that I am complaining, I have that heaven thing to look forward to.

Unitarian Universalist Heaven: I am here in the biggest sense. I was raised UU, I was dedicated when I was 12 in the Fullerton Church (which come to think of it met in a bank so I probably get to go to Capitalist heaven too). Not only was I dedicated, but I served in district politics, taught years and years of RE, served on committees, was a President of our Fellowship, and raised our daughter to be UU (although that doesn't seem to be sticking lately.) I am going to sit at the feet of our beloved saints: Emerson, Thoreau, and Whitman.

Mormon Heaven: When I was in High school I attended the local Mormon Stake with my best friend. I loved it. I loved the jello, the families, the funny underwear. All of it. They were so nice. I went to the early morning, before school, Book of Mormon meetings, dated a Mormon boy, and dreamed of going on a mission. For some reason that didn't happen, but I was baptized and although I am sure I would not really be approved to go to Temple I like to think they have special place for people who love them in their very special part of Heaven. Either that or I'll just have my friend baptize me again when I am dead - and my family too so we can all go together.

Christian Heaven: After moving on from the fantastic powdered milk and Mormon culture I ventured into mainstream Christianity. I attended Knott Ave. Christian Church in Anaheim - the place where I met my current husband. I went to bible study on Wednesday nights, I prayed along with all of them, and I really wanted to believe that Jesus was my savior. Who doesn't - really - what a great way to go about life, knowing you have a SAVIOR. Well, I was baptized during an evening service after my brother died of AIDS. I figured if you were going to go you should get to go to the most popular Heaven.

Catholic Heaven: When I was in my last trimester with our daughter I lived with Catholic nuns at Casa Teresa. I had been living with my husbands parents but that was unbelievably stressful. So a good friend of ours hooked us up with the women in habits. it was great. I learned to meditate, contemplate, and envy the life of nuns in America. Seriously, everything gets taken care of for them. They are well educated, hip, and caring women and I was so lucky to have a moment in my life that was rather stressful be surrounded by their love. I wasn't baptized Catholic - they have that damn Catechism and I just couldn't get myself to do that, but again I am hoping for a special place jsut for hanging out with the ladies.

There is also Pagan Heaven, Buddhist Heaven, and Agnostic Heaven and I get to go to all of those too. I know, I am a lucky gal. Some people take world religion classes - I lived one! See you upstairs!

Photo Credit: alles-schlumpf

Embarrasing Celebrity Moments

Because I know you want to continue to learn more about me I thought I would share my somewhat embarrassing and often uneventful moments with celebrities. These are real life moments not the the new concept of Twittering celebs.

Growing up in Orange County you would think that I had more access to celebrities, but there is this thing called the Orange Curtain and those of us in OC didn't cross into LA or Hollywood except to shop, see a show, catch a plane or go to Universal Studios. So, my celebrity experiences were more random.

Fascinating Little People: When I was young I had an odd fascination with little people - probably because my mom was overly into the Wizard of Oz. Anyway, I was invited to some strange Mormon event with a friend, I think it was a Mormon event, anyway I shook Billy Barty's hand. I was so excited  to actually SEE him in person and at the time we were close in height so I didn't really get the big deal any more about little people.

Teen beats: John Stamos - you know the guy from Full House? Well, when I was in high school his band played one of our dances. I was under-impressed though and ditched the gig early. So much for star power.

Hippies on the Square: Then I walked behind David Crosby in San Francisco for many blocks. I never said hi or anything, just walked behind admiring his Hawaiian shirt and thinking he as the father of Melissa Ethridge's baby.

Wild Women: Moving on to Julia Butterfly Hill - remember her, she sat in a tree for a very long time and then wrote a book about it. We took our daughter to meet her because we were so excited to have a positive, stick to your guns, do something to change the planet girl. She read from her book to a packed house in the Haight, we said hi, that was it.

I Found Houston: Later I found Houston Smith (the esteemed religion writer) in the phone book and I called his home. When he answered I promptly hung up. Seriously, what was I going to say to the eminent expert on religion?

Star Gazing: When we lived in San Francisco we dabbled in paganism with a group who was loosely connected to Starhawk. We went to a bunch of public rituals that were more spectacle then religious moment. I was at a small gathering dancing to some beats when I noticed her staring at me and talking to a friend. I think she was making fun of me. Oh well, we met again several times and she could never retain my name so I didn't see what the big deal was about her. Nice lady, great politics, but not into me.

Totally Embarrassing: Last one, I promise, I used to have this THING for SARK. I loved her view of life, her books, how she went about promoting herself. The whole thing. Well, she was reading in San Francisco and I went, of course. Well, I had written some long, totally embarrassing you are the coolest woman letter and decorated it in SARK like style and gave it to her at the reading. Foisted would be a better word. She just looked at me like I was an idiot - and only after did I realize that I was.

So, that's it. Well I have met politicians, but they aren't stars so who cares

Photo Credit: Vlastula via Flickr