MoxieLife

I AM happy for you

I don't usually talk about what I "do" here, but I am sharing my "story" of my business life over on my MoxieWork blog and thought some of you might be interested in that side of myself.

This all started because sometimes I feel like I haven't accomplished everything that I should have. The age of blogging has exasperated this a little. With all of the "mom blogs" where they have a book deal, perfectly crafted do-dad's and dinner on the table has made me feel - at times - what the hell am I doing? Envy - pure and simple is what this is. In the past people did great things, but you wouldn't have necessarily "known" them, or at least you weren't given an voyeuristic view into their life (ala the blog). So, keepin' up with the Jones' can make you crazy.

So, I thought I would write a little about what I have done, why I am good at what I do, and be done with it. Then just get to the business of doing great work for people on a regular basis, because when that happens I feel great about myself.

The other thing I am reminding myself is that my life is totally unique. No one has the life experience that I have had and although I may not be a rock star or nabbin' a book deal I am an authentic person who does make a difference in peoples lives. Small, maybe, but incredibly fun.

And the last lesson, the hardest, is to be happy for them. All of them. Every last person who is a social media star, named in Forbes, getting a tv deal, spotlighted by a superstar - all of them. They are doing great work TOO. And that great work DOES NOT DEFLECT from the work that I am doing. Oh, I am talking to myself. Seriously, I have to give myself that pep talk a lot.

Recently I sent a note to a guy I adore that I work with in my small town. He is quick, funny, and smart. I said, "I am glad you like it - my aim (like puppies and small children) is to please." Which is totally true - I want the people I work with to like my work and like working with me. He, of course, sent a note gagging - but I was being truthful. When you are happy, I am happy and if I had something to do with it - YES!

Mantra: There is enough praise, excitement,and exuberance for everyone doing good work - including me.

3rd Generation UU Wonders

My daughter recently wrote a letter to our UU congregation on our Yahoo Group List. She wanted to know what compels them to attend our fellowship. She is taking a religion course at Hendrix College and at the end she will have to write her faith statement. She grew up 3rd generation UU and although she loves the ideals of it, she isn't always in love with it in practice. The bitterness, the unkindness, the pettiness - which ALL churches experience - can be difficult to take even for the most cynical of us.

What she wanted to know is not the responses that she got. There were exactly three - one said that they had not experienced the unkindness that she wrote about, one did and one just called her idealistic.

They missed the point - she wasn't trying to blame them for anything. She just wants to know why they go to church.

We, for a million reasons, have not gone in over two years on any regular basis. I am lucky if I make 3 services a year. Which is a huge shift in my spiritual and community life. I slowly started to give it up while I was care-taking for my dad. I just couldn't listen to the "how is he" statements when he was fading in the hospital for six months. I was going through a devastating time and unfortunately the community that I had invested in was not where I found comfort. Truth be told, I didn't want comfort.

So, we drifted out of the habit. After attending services for 12 years straight at three Unitarian churches I felt I had done my duty to the organization and faith that I hold dear. And yet, like my daughter, I am curious why people go. What feeds you? Why do you choose to attend rather than devour the Sunday paper in bed?

If you don't go, why not? What is missing for you?

Hey Boston there are Unitarians down here too

It looks like the UUA board is looking at some pretty significant changes to their makeup. For a denomination that wonders, often, why it doesn't reflect the faces of the US I find it amazing that it hasn't met outside of Boston more than three times. I don't know if they know this, but we aren't all from the east coast.

Class, youth, race - these are all issues that the UUA struggles with. They have good hearts, but they can't seem to figure out why they don't hit a high note with many individuals. It could be that they have no idea what we are like. Personally, when I was in California I cared less and less about what the UUA wanted or did. They didn't reflect the needs of the congregations or districts that I was part of. Now that I am in the South they are even further removed. Often, and I don't advocate this, members of our fellowship will ask why we send them money when they do nothing for us except give us an umbrella name to sit under.

Then there are the districts - If nothing happens except the change of the districts within the UUA I would be thrilled. We are in the district with Louisiana, Oklahoma and Texas. Texas is a whole other world from Arkansas - and most of our district is made up of folks from there. Talk about not feeling part of the clan. I am 10 minutes from the Missouri border, but it is hours to get to Texas.

Maybe these changes would mean that the UUA figures out who we all are - us outside of Boston.

I'll take the rose colored glasses please

I can, at times, be a bit cynical. Not in an angry way, but in a defeated sad depressed kind of way. I call it reality, but when I feel like that I don't feel great. So, for fun, I thought I'd list a few things that might look bad that are part of my life, but are ok. Here we go kids (seriously, I am not being cynical here - I believe it is ok, call my PollyAnna):

• I don't have health insurance and haven't been to a doctor in over 10 years. This MIGHT look like either benign neglect of my body or it could be a really sane way to deal with health care. As far as I know I am perfectly healthy. I have no health problems and haven't for 10 years. I can do anything, eat anything, and have a completely normal life. I am not taking medication that is uber expensive, I am not dealing with any complications, and I have no physical limitations. Life is good.
  
• My house is really old and needs tons of repair that I can't possibly afford. This MIGHT seem like living in a money pit of hell or it could be an experiment in simple living that the advocates for a sustainable planet preach about so often. I consume less because my home is less than 800 square feet. I don't heat, purchase crap, or create waste in a home that is too large for us. We aren't replacing perfectly suitable items just to be more up to date - we are making do - an American way of life in the old times.
  
• My relationship is not perfect. This MIGHT seem like a huge frustration or it could just be another opportunity to dig deep and find the things inside that I need to focus on, create, and celebrate for myself. I COULD focus on the negative aspects of not having the perfect romance, or I could be happy that life is complicated and we are all learning to work together - this is just one more way for me to learn how to do that.

Those are just SOME examples of how my life doesnt' quite stack up to whatever the cultural norm is. I am ok with it - but I know that I am sitting on the left side and viewing it all with a skewed lens. As Conan would say: "To all the people watching, I can never ever thank you enough for the kindness to me, I'll think about it for the rest of my life. All I ask is one thing, and this is.. I'm asking this particularily of young people that watch: Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism - for the record it's my least favorite quality, it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you, amazing things will happen."

Hello Oligarchy

Last night, while watching NewsHour, I felt so frustrated I could scream. They reported on the recent Supreme Court decision to allow corporations to give as much as they see fit to elections/campaigns. They can now openly buy votes. They can push through legislation that will reflect their bottom line. They can rule with their deep pocket books. Last time I checked that was an oligarchy.

Oligarchy. –noun, plural -chies.

1. a form of government in which all power is vested in a few persons or in a dominant class or clique; government by the few.
2. a state or organization so ruled.
3. the persons or class so ruling.

To say that I am disappointed is to not understand the passion I feel for our government system. I am devoted to a by the people, for the people rule. We are fortunate in this country to have had founding fathers who understood the value of people being able to speak up and vote for what they felt was right.

So, let me be very clear. Corporations - no matter what the law books say - are NOT people. They are focused on money and greed is, often their primary objective. They do not care about people, the environment, social causes - unless it positively effects their bottom line.

People, on the other hand, will sacrifice for causes they believe in. They will give even when they have very little chance of seeing a return. They will help when they themselves need help - because they have a conscious.

Not to be full of doom here, but we are heading into dark times when corporations are controlling the shots. My only hope is that candidates will actively state that they are NOT taking corporate dollars to fund their campaigns and that people will get behind that action. It is a small hope. - Don't let me down people.

Be part of the solution

Last night we watched a program on PBS about Lenin and his program of eliminating the classes to promote utopia. He killed over 20,000,000 people in the Soviet states. Horrible deaths, that until last night I had no idea happened. They showed the relationship he had with Hitler, how he taught them how to build concentration camps and employ gas to kill. Horrific.

After the election last night of a GOP senator in Massachusetts that has the power to derail health care reform in the US, the earthquake in Haiti, and the continued unrest in Afghanistan - it all seems a bit overwhelming.

We as humans hold the capacity for great pain as well as bold hearts - we are inflicters and we are healers. It is truly our choice. There are times when I would like all of those who are "wrong" to just disappear, but that would make me no better than Lenin. Instead, the lessons of Dr. King are relevant today as they were when he was struggling for racial and class equality.

Every action we make speaks volumes. Granted, we may not have the pulpit as King had, but if we do not speak boldly, act courageously, and move us forward to a better place we are complacent in acts that are unspeakable.

My husband often feels it is hopeless. That you can't change people. I agree, you can't. But 10% of the population doing the right thing can move us toward a better place - doing nothing leaves a void to be filled with what kind of violence?

What are you doing to make a difference?

Arkansas Gets it Wrong Again

My husband pointed out the paper yesterday where it showcased the closings for the remembrance of Martin Luther King and - hold onto your seats - Robert E. Lee. Yep, in this state with a history of divisivness and racial inequality we celebrate the life of King and the life of Lee on the same day.

What is wrong with this picture?

Everything.

They aren't REALLY celebrating Lee's birthday. They are celebrating the loss of the civil war. Now, it is no secret that I am not a civil war expert, but it seems to me that the states tried to succeed from the nation and they lost - a bunch of people were horrifically killed. What is there to celebrate?

On this day that we celebrate the work of King to bring the people together why is Arkansas celebrating an event that so cruelly divided the nation?

Embarrassing.

Lord help us all

Yesterday my daughter and I did something we very rarely do, we went shopping. I am not a big shopper, and in fact we bought very little. We did have a great time going to odd shops in Fayetteville that we haven't gone in before, having lunch, and perusing the racks. Best find, a Fossil purse in a resale shop that we both want. It was a great day - even though there was a moment where my daughter pushed me away from a conversation (that I wasn't even involved in).

It went like this: In the undergarment section of JC Penny a customer was talking to the clerk about how Pat Robertson was right about Haiti and that like Job he is punishing the people of the world who do not believe in him the right way. It was everything I could do to not scream at her about how UN-Christian that conversation/way of thinking is. Instead I stared at them with hate in my eyes while the woman turned to look at me and smirked. She smirked. This was about the time my daughter pushed me from the nightgowns and away from the department.

What is wrong with people?

Comics, late night TV hosts, bloggers - have all denounced Pat Robertson's remarks as ridiculous and cruel, but here in NW Arkansas they BELIEVE him. They think he is RIGHT. That is why his thoughts and the HATE that invades religious thinking is so scary. You don't think anyone is listening to these nuts? They are and they are filling their friends, families and random store clerks with the same bile. Lord help us.

We are in deep clean out mode - you would have thought we had gotten rid of everything last time we did this, but this time we tackled the upstairs. A room that hasn't been visited for over a year and a half except to put junk in. Photos later, now I have to find a duster!

Shhhh, I know the secret

We watched This Emotional Life on PBS this week and I walked away from it thinking that I already have what so many others are seeking. Our story is that we left the frenetic energy of city life (San Francisco) to live in rural America (Arkansas) not to have more stuff, but to have a quality of life. I realized early on that the key to happiness wasn't about things but about time, energy and people. That constant seeking is a feeling of void and that can't possibly make you happy.

So, if I know all of this am I happy all of the time? Of course not. Life is complicated and emotional states come in like the wind. In general though I think I, more than my husband, is happier the most. I see things as right with the world if the car starts, I have what I need for dinner, and the internet is behaving. He wants a little more than that, which is fine. I think we are just hardwired differently.

Now that I know the secret what do I do with it? Oh, the answer is want what you have while continuing to find joy in the unexpected. One answer is to just live that fully. Another is to go out and preach it to those that are still seeking. Self help is a multi-million dollar industry - perhaps I could put my toe in there.

For today though I will just relish in the fact that I am ok with the world.