MoxieLife

What my 40th year could look like or what experiment am I up to?

So, as I contemplate my 40th Year (and yes it should be in all caps) I have been thinking about what I want to focus on. I have always thought life was one big experiment - the largest being parenting (too bad blogs weren't around when I was a young mom) - and thought a year of experimenting on something might be fun. I went out and started looking at what has been done:

• One families experiment in "buying black" for one year.
• Living Oprah: My one year experiment living as the TV guru advises
• A one year "vision board" experiment
• The 100 Mile Diet: an experiment in local eating (great book)
• A one year experiment in eating nothing but wild food
• A year without a car
• This woman wore the same brown dress for a year.

OMG - the list goes on and on.

So, basically, it has all been done, but I haven't done it. Now I just have to figure out what my THING is. Here are some of my current ideas:

• Stage monthly random happenings in my small town with and without the help of others and document them.
• Vow to sit/meditate every day.
• Work to become really fit (hire a trainer, run a 5K, etc.).
• Stop shopping for one year.
• Learn a new thing each month.
• Make a list of 40 things I want to do and work to do them all.
• Get really serious about my career.

Oh, I don't know. All of it sounds trite. I want it to be meaningful, hard, and at the end fabulous... oh and if I could be rewarded in the end with either personal satisfaction, monetary gifts, or fame I would be thrilled - no small request.

To be honest I feel like I need to do my next big thing. I am no longer the youngest one in the room. There are smarter, quicker, more inspired people doing more and I need to get a move on before I am old and slow. Any ideas for my year?

Not quite 40, but definately freaking out.

I am beginning to get a little unhinged. It all started at dinner last Saturday. I was talking with my friend about my upcoming 40th birthday and what I wanted to do. She had lots of great suggestions - including registering (note: I have never been registered before because my husband and I are not legally married and I never had a baby shower) - although all of them seemed like too much work.

When I think back on my 20th I was pregnant with my daughter, on my 30th I was living in an intentional community, and now I am back with my husband and my daughter is in college. For the first two big milestones I don't think I celebrated more than with a cake and a candle. Somehow this seems more important.

So much so I have taken to crying in the shower about it.

40 - it is just a number, but it seems so weighty. I thought I would have done more by now. I thought I would know what I was doing. I thought life would be simpler, more exciting, more stable, more something. I thought I would have made some mark by now... I think it is more than just a number... it is a symbol for what I have done, what I am doing, and where I am going.

And THAT is freaking me out.

So, the party. Nothing planned as of yet. The big day is September 24th. More importantly is what I want to do with my 40th YEAR. I feel like it should be special. It should have meaning - I should be doing something. I just can't put my finger on what that thing is.

Except reading all of my friends 40th birthday/year blog posts, facebook posts and wondering how they got where they are. I am happy that most of them seem fulfilled or that they are on the right path (one is a doctor for goodness sake, of course he is on the right path). I just wish I knew what I was doing.

PS - I don't even like how forty is spelled - were is the u?

Thoughts about Julie & Julia... or how I relate to the movie!

After weeks of trying to find a time when my daughter and I and our friends could get together we jumped in the car and went off to "the big city" to see a movie. The girls in the group (minus the 14 year old girlfriend of one son) went to see Julie & Julia while the boys (and said girl) went to see violent special effects driven films. The three of us nestled into our seats in front of the dividing bars (the most coveted seats because no one is directly in front of you and you can put your feet on the bars) happily watching previews and munching on popcorn. The theater quickly filled up with grown-ups; to which I was amazed. I don't think I have ever seen a film that catered exclusively to adults - fascinating. I nearly choked up at the sight of so many young women escorting their grandparents; my dad would have loved this movie.

This is not a review - there have been many of those - rather a reflection on areas of interest in the film.

First, I was happy to be reminded that Julia didn't start cooking until her 40's. As I rapidly approach that birthday myself I am looking at what I really want to do with my life and it is heartening to see that one of the most iconic figures of our time also had that thought at this time in her life. And that it took her over 8 years to get published - no overnight success there... it helps bring perspective to what is possible.

Second, the men in the film are extraordinary. To have husbands who are always on your side, cheering you on, and saying "fuck them" to your naysayers - that is what marriage is about. After reading every marriage book on the market I have to say that it is that quality that means the most in a relationship and to see it displayed with such voracity was thrilling. These were men with careers of their own and yet they were champions of their wives dreams. Just magical.

Third, Meryl is amazing. Hands down. She got Julia on the first word from her mouth. What I found even more wonderful is that she can work with anyone - she lifts the actors around her up to her level of expertise and brings a fullness to the film. She doesn't fill the screen just with her own magnificent performance and that is commendable.

Fourth, I heard a review on NPR that the character of Julie was whiny and insipid - I guess that reviewer had never felt that their life wasn't going as well as their friends, or that they weren't living up to what they thought they should be. Nice for them, but I totally relate. I am not envious of my friends, but I have definitely been envious of other bloggers. It seems they are always getting great press, going off to conferences, getting free stuff... whatever it is and I can't seem to grasp that golden ring. I haven't figured out how to have my own thing that pushes me towards excellence... so I get Julie. I get her frustration, her fatigue, and her tantrums - I think we all wonder to some extent what are we doing and when is it going to be the big thing for us.

And lastly, the food - as humans we have this amazing ability to be omnivores. Except for allergies or political/religious beliefs we can eat almost anything. That allows us to explore food in the most sensuous ways and it makes me sad to see carts filled at the grocery store with mediocre frozen entrees, or cars line up at the drive through window. We can consume tastes, smells and textures like no other creature and yet we sacrifice that for simplicity, time, cost - or just laziness. I challenge the American public to eat real food. Spend time in the kitchen. Choose fresh foods that are beautiful to touch, smell and eat. We have such a short time on this planet, shouldn't we indulge our pallets?

bon appetit  !