Two sessions and we are done. Yep, my husband and I went to our second therapy session yesterday and we are done. We will leave the door open and if we feel the need to go in if something comes up we will, but both the therapist and we felt that we had done the work needed. Those who have watched this saga will be shocked.
The therapist said three things that moved us in that direction:
- Studies show that couples that stay together and those that break up do not fight any less. The ones who stay together just learn the rules of engagement and put the "couple" ahead of the individual.
- Sometimes a therapeutic break (which is what he thought our five months separated should be called) is a dynamic way to heal or change a relationship.
- The work that individuals do can highly effect the relationship - in fact, one person can do relationship therapy. He felt that the individual work that we did/are doing is what moved us to a new place in our relationship.
This doesn't mean that issues both new and old won't come up. It doesn't mean that we are "perfect". It just means that we have committed ourselves to being together in a new way. For me personally it means listening and not shutting down or becoming defensive. It means learning to laugh at my own foibles. It means working together.
When we were at dinner afterwards we recalled the therapist that we saw 10 years ago who asked us why we were even together in the first place. This is a far cry from that and we are thrilled. To have a third party both wish us well, and congratulate us on the hard work that we have done is like an odd seal of approval - not necessary, but really nice.
