Today marks my mother's 76th birthday. She passed away two years ago this May. I have moved to the place where I just miss her - no deep sadness, anger, or resentment. I just miss her and have a bit of regret.
I had stopped talking to my mom 6 months before she died. She was bipolar and had a tendency to be mean - never really wanting to be a mother and saw me often as competition for my fathers affection. Because I was tired of her rants I had stopped visiting and had only started to talk to her on the phone again around her birthday. She shared with me how she spent her day and I was so happy that she seemed happy.
I had, a month after her birthday, arranged to come over for dinner, but the night before we were going to go over to visit she fell and died. The call came at 3 in the morning from my dad. He seemed so sad, so lost. I couldn't believe that I had missed my chance to see her. Now I think that there was a reason - we had started to heal a bit over the phone if we had seen each other it might have not gone well and so we were both spared that.
Our relationships with our family are often tortured - or misunderstood. We are dealt players that are often at odds with who we are, but it is how we handle them that we move forward through life. There are things I could have done better, but because of that I have learned new skills to bring to other relationships.
She was an amazing lady and she is missed. Love you mom.
