One of the things on my recent lists of accomplishments was giving up coffee and that sparked the most interest from friends. Why did I give up coffee? How did I give up coffee? Well, anyone who knows me knows I am a true coffee lover. So, why give up something that obviously gives me pleasure (trust me I am no masochist)?
The confession: My name is Jacqueline and I am an addict.
Seriously, I drank 12 cups of coffee a day. I planned trips, vacations, road travel, work time, etc all around consuming coffee. I love the smell, taste, sensation of it waking my brain up just a bit more then normal. In fact, I can remember the first time I drank it. I was at Bob's Big Boy in Anaheim, CA at 10:00 at night in high school after a long afternoon of a rehearsal for Sweet Charity. I had the lead role and was tired and burned out and oh so high school drama queen. Anyway, I thought we are here in this very funky diner I should have some coffee. I ordered it, poured most of the cream from the little metal container into the mug so that the coffee was the color of lightly toasted bread and drank it in. I never really looked back from there. There were moments - when I was pregnant, when I went on a super health kick, and when I have been sick, but mostly there has always been coffee.
Fact: it is my only real vice. I don't drink, do drugs, gamble, have innapropriate sex with strangers, lie, steal, cheat...
So, again, why give up something I obviously love?
Well... I didn't like myself on coffee.
I was angry, irritated, grumpy, moody, and resentful. It sparked those emotions so quickly and it was starting to make me uncomfortable. I didn't want to be this bitter angry coffee drinker.
So, I quit.
Slowly. I cut back from 12 to 10 to 8 to 6 to 4 cups a day. Then the power went out during the ice storms of all ice storms and I had no choice to really give it up (no coffee maker) so I gave up.
And I FEEL GREAT! Seriously, I feel like I can feel. I can stop and listen to my heart and my brain. There is no rushing, swirling emotions. I feel calm and relaxed. I don't feel angry all of the time (and trust me I think I have things I could seriously be angry about). I can give reasoned answers to questions rather then flying off the handle.
Are these REAL symptoms of coffee? To me they are. They exasperated my anxiety and made life more difficult. I don't need the rush of energy. In fact, I have MORE energy now. I am less groggy and more focused. Granted folks I am now drinking black tea - 2-3 cups a day. I'm not crazy! I still love my hot beverages!
How does coffee/caffine effect you?
