MoxieLife

Do I get extra bonus points for all the worrying I do?

Yesterday I was talking to my sister and she was totally stressed out because she is dealing with getting her license back from the DMV after crashing her car 3 times in as many months - she is doing MUCH better. Anyway, they sent a letter that arrived on Saturday saying that she couldn't have her license until June. June. She lives in Southern California and not having a car seems daunting to say the least.

My advice was that maybe therapy was to learn to let go of the things that you have no control over. It was a Saturday and she wouldn't be able to deal with this until Monday morning so maybe she needed to come up with a plan (call the attorney... go from there) and just for the next two days let it go.

Not really something I am very good at, but still I think there is something to the advice.

And she said, "Well, I know that there aren't any extra bonus points for worrying more. It isn't like you get to be first in line with God, the DMV, or anywhere else the more you worry."

And because life is all about earning those extra bonus points perhaps we need to just let go - and that will give us the points - or at the very least less stress - in our lives.

Nice to remember you're loved on Valentines Day.

My mom, at some point, made a scrapbook of the cards that I got from birth to 8 years old. They have birthday cards, Valentines, and congratulations new baby cards. They are from them, as the one above is, and from friends and family. So, on this Valentines Day, when I wasn't feeling so loved I thought I would scan a card given to me by my mom and dad when I was little (have know idea what year) and remind myself and you that we are all loved! Happy Valentines Day.

Dabbler takes the one seat, or how a beginner starts to mediatate.

I have been for the last 20 years a spiritual dabbler. I thought that I was experiencing the best of what spirituality and religion had to offer while rejecting what I thought was archaic or silly. Instead I think I have been avoiding my own issues with boredom, restlessness and commitment. So, after a lot of thought I have chosen to just take the one seat and begin practicing insight mediation. This is probably the spiritual practice that I felt most akin to. It was simple, you didn't need a lot of stuff, and you could do it without any help from anyone else.

So, last night I figured out that my phone has a quick timer that you can, with three button pushes, set to 10 minutes. So, I sat for 10 minutes. It isn't a lot of time. I know it isn't an all day meditation retreat, but it is a start.

So, what was it like? Well, I tried to repeat the loving-kindness mediation that I posted earlier. I was successful for a short amount of time, coming back to it every so often. I started and stopped making plans for the weekend. I started and stopped listening to the noises outside the window. I started and stopped listening to my dog breathe (I personally think that Zeppelin is a meditation master - middle name should be Buddha.) I focused on each part of my body trying to just feel it for a moment. Then the ten minutes were over.

A lot goes on in your head in ten minutes.

So, tonight I sit again and we will see what happens.

Lovebombs & impromptu tea parties - the true gift of having girlfriends.

I love the idea shared by Superhero Journal to surprise your friends with spontaneous tea parties and love bombs. This from a girlfriend of hers: "When someone is feeling down, has a birthday or just needs to be celebrated because of their awesomeness we send out a call to lovebomb them. This includes emails, calls, handwritten notes, gifts, etc. It is a very sweet way to shower them with love when we are all far away."

Who could you lovebomb this week? Remember this is the crazy days before Valentines day and not everyone we know is being showered with chocolate and love... what can we all do to be a better friend and fill in those voids? Share your spontaneous acts of friendship! I would love to hear all about it.

Apparently, I have all the time in the world.

Starting slowly - that could best describe where I am right now. I have never lived alone - and am only doing this kicking and screaming. Grace is not my nature, you might say!

Anyway, I had years ago sat with meditation teacher Eugene Cash from Spirit Rock in the Bay Area. I was never what I would call a proficient or even good meditator. In fact, I think I did that kicking and screaming too.

Now though I have all of this spare time and I refuse to spend it watching television in large doses or cleaning. Those are both good things in small amounts, but they can become somewhat mind numbing. Last night I pulled out Jack Kornfield's book A Path With Heart and I am starting to read it again and start slowly doing the sitting recommended in the book. Simple things like sitting and saying:

May I be filled with loving-kindness
May I be well
May I be peacefull and at ease
May I be happy

Perhaps those things will become what really is - or perhaps there will be more kicking and screaming (oh I am sure there will be), but I can try to be the person I want to become. I, apparently, have all the time in the world.

Are the faithful really happier?

It is said that people who have faith - in something - tend to handle stress and loss better then those that don't. In fact, there are numerous studies that present that information. I have to say that I always thought that it was a weakness - the idea that you can give your troubles to some unknown entity - rather then dealing with the issues yourself.

Perhaps though there is more to my needing to be in control that doesn't allow faith to happen. Giving up anything just isn't in my nature, but is that causing me unnecessary harm. Are the faithful less stressed out? Are they healthier? Do they actually achieve peace?

"There is the idea in Tibetan Buddhism that says there are three kinds of mind: the dull mind that has no spiritual interest, the average mind content with dogma and blind faith, and the inquiring mind that is curious and filled with doubt." - Joan Borysenko

It is no secret that I have an inquiring mind. I have prayed, danced, been baptized in three ways, chanted, meditated, stretched, and read extensively to find some spiritual answer. All with the doubt that fills an atheists mind at the idea of something larger then science can answer.

Still, I wonder if I am missing something. Am I blocking some experience because of my Type A personality and what is that costing me? Inquiring minds want to know.

Living in a cabin in the woods your fantasy?

Is it your fantasy to live in a little cabin in the woods? Do you dream of your own slice of heaven while you are stuck in your cubicle. Well, take a peek at my day and see if this is still your dream:

• Wash the walls and ceiling of the bathroom with bleach and water - the walls are made of some unknown substance and need to be replaced. Until that happens though I periodically wash them down completely. Love the smell of chlorine in the morning.
  
• Open up the chicken coop and collect the eggs, get the chickens new food, and change the water. Look around to see it absolutely needs to be cleaned and decide that will be a great way to celebrate Valentines day.
  
• Clean out the remaining food from the fridge that needed to be composted after not having power for six days. Try very hard not to throw up in the process. Ack.
  
• Clean cat litter - yes, there are 13 acres for the cats to do their business in, but they choose to use a litter box inside. Love em.
  
• Walk down the quarter mile drive to see if the ice has melted. It has, but there is about 3 inches of water running OVER the low water bridge. Make a run for it soaking my shoes, socks and jeans. Walk the remaining way to the road, pick up yesterdays mail and newspaper and drive the car back up to the house (couldn't drive on the sheet of ice covering the drive for the last 10 days.)
  
• Load up the car with empty water bottles to refill at the grocery store. I had used my last ounce of water over the 10 days that I couldn't drive back and forth and needed to get drinking water. Drive the 15 minutes to the store and load the 5 gallon jugs into the car. Drive home and wrestle them into the house. Plop one on the dispenser splashing water everywhere.

Well, I am off to sweep the porch, vacuum and do more laundry. Romantic, inspiring, the perfect dream isn't it? Nope. It is incredibly hard living - you have to think through everything you do. Beautiful, yes. Stress free - no way! I must channel a bit of my Hungarian roots when I think of farm living and Zsa Zsa from Green Acres comes out in full force! I am, by most accounts, a better sport about it all!

Ice is almost melted, but heart has a way to go.

As some of you know Northwest Arkansas had a bit of an ice storm last week - I was without power for 6 days. More than some, less than others. No electricity means: no water, no heat, no stove, no electronics, no nothing - it is a strange way to survive after years of complete comfort. I did fine. It was 42 degrees in my house when the heat finally kicked on - 20 something outside. I lost about $500 worth of food in the freezer and fridge, but that is small considering people lost homes, roofs, and tragically lives. I came away from it fairly unscathed.

The heart part is more tender. My husband who I have been with for over 20 years is my life and my breath. He, unfortunately, suffers from clinical depression. He had been doing really well. I mean really well for the last 10 years, but slowly after Christmas he started a slow decline. On the Monday before the storm he left - to have space - to figure out what he was doing - to get help. With lots of traumatic moments from that day until today he is still not home. I am giving him that space because as adults we have to honor the requests that are given to us. That doesn't mean that I have given up on him or us, but it is a time of transition for both of us.

I know that this is wildly personal, and I have many local people who read this (not to mention my darling daughter). I believe though that when we don't talk and share about the suffering that is occurring in our lives we are closing the door to real understanding both for ourselves and for others. I will not use this space to share intimate details of my relationship - that is much to private for public consumption, but I will share the truth. I do so because maybe this is happening to you too, or it did and it is nice to know that you do not suffer alone. None of us do - so here is to melting and healing.