Learning to let go may be the theme here for a while. Two weeks ago I started seeing a therapist (totally doing this without pharmaceuticals just talking and more talking) to work through the current crisis in my life - not to be Calamity Jane, but boy it has just been one thing after the other. When we first met there is a 10 page intake form that you have to fill out about your medical history, your family, your current crisis, life changing moments, on and on and on.
One of the questions was do you have a religious belief system, or something of that nature. I, of course, wrote that I was a Unitarian Universalist and an Atheist. Well, we talked that first day about what was going on and we touched briefly on being UU and and Atheist.
Well, last week she started our conversation with "I have been thinking about how an Atheist can let go." See, she says for her, as a Christian, it is easy to "give it to God", but she knows that isn't an option for me. Instead I have to let go in the purest form - into the unknown.
And I don't know about you, but giving into the abyss that is all that we don't know is one scary thing.
The conversation went on and I came back to my issues with control (working on that) and I said perhaps part of why I am an Atheist is because I can't give up the control - even to God.
So, am I an Atheist by choice, upbringing (dad was an Atheist), personality, or default? Goodness I would hate to think I fell into it because I am just a control freak.
