Do you ever get that feeling that you just aren't very cool? OK I know that 39 year old women shouldn't be worrying about their cool factor, but really sometimes it bothers me how not cool I am am. Here are 3 groups of things that make me feel particularly uncool.
- Reading Ready Made, Craft, and McSweeney's makes me feel terribly unhip. I am not a cool crafter or quirky writer who makes good on an epic poem. I read these things because I like them, but they nag at me that I missed my cool boat so long ago. - See I became a mom at 21 and that left the cool world way behind. When all my friends were designing their own wallpaper, crafting their own studio space, or defining their genre I was changing diapers and learning the words to Raffi (which I can pretty much still sing word for word.)
- Nose rings, tattoos, and multicolored hair make me fee old. I was so afraid of pain when I was younger that my only off peircing is a faux diamond stud at the top of my left earlobe. I wouldn't let them do the right ear because it would hurt and I haven't changed it for 20 years. Sad. I always wanted to pierce my nose, get a tattoo that said something odd and dye my hair. Well, I used to dye my hair when I was young (16 - 20), but then I went sort of corporate and blond/white and pink or horribly vivid red just didn't seam right - everyone had perfectly sculpted highlights... I couldn't do that. So boring mousy brown it has been, pathetically unhip.
- Political activists, social protests, movements make me feel out of touch. I always felt too balanced - to fair to get to involved with any one movement or politically active group. When I was really young I went to rally's and meetings about nonproliferation, but that wasn't very hip either. I never marched in San Francisco, took over an office building on a campus, or participated in anything remotley grass roots. I wasn't hip enough - I just look to square to be accepted by radical thinkers... even though I may be more left leaning then they are.
So, there they are. Three things that when I am accosted/transfixed with make me feel unhip. I know it is silly to want to be cool, but I just do. Sometimes. I know that people who design their own line of ugly dolls, where mismatched clothes, have a pierced eyebrow, read Proust, and fight for abortion rights are just regular people too, but deep down I think they are living some hip life that I am missing out on.
Next up will be why I don't feel sophisticated enough - oh boy the joys of hearing me gripe more about why I don't fit in! Can't wait.