MoxieLife

Are You Happy?

I have been going through a lot lately as you all know and yet I find myself mostly happy. How does this happen? Why do I, in the midst of chaos, get to be happy and you don't? What do I have that you are missing?

There are no easy answers to personal happiness and everyone gets there in their own way, but I thought I would share some of the things I know about being happy.

1. Do things that you want to do: don't always run around doing things for other people. Take time to look around the garden center, read the book on the side of your table, ignore the phone when it is ringing off the hook. Your time is, in my opinion, the most valuable thing you have and sharing it is precious... don't always share it.
2. Look at what you have and not what you don't have: this is the simple one. If I don't worry about not having the latest thing I can be happy with what I do have. No one really cares what I drive, wear, or listen to... and if they do that is their own problem... I can just keep up with what I have and not always acquire more.
3. Laugh: a lot. There is nothing funnier then the mess you find yourself in. Laugh at yourself everyday because, trust me, you are a fool. Once you figure that out you will lighten up a bit and feel better about making mistakes or missing the mark.
4. Smile: I once did this experiment where one day I wore lipstick and smiled while walking to my office from the train and one day I didn't wear lipstick and didn't smile. Two things happened, on the lipstick wearing day people smiled back and I felt fantastic and on the other day I felt as if I was alone and trudging through the crowd of people. So, either wear lipstick or not but try to smile.
5. Start over everyday: everyday is a new chance to do it better. You might not (most probably won't but with #3 that is ok), but you get the chance and realizing that is a gift larger then any other... and perhaps the real key to happiness.

I don't have any real solutions to your problems (or mine at the moment), but I do know that when I relax, take time for me, and am grateful for the things I do have they are dwarfed remarkably. What are you keys to happiness?

Hi I am a Racist Democrat

"I wouldn't vote for a black man. I would rather vote for McCain then vote for a black. You don't know anything about black people until you have been raped and had your windows broken by some."

THIS WAS AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION I HAD AT THE GYM TODAY.

I am STILL floored.

I go to a little gym in Holiday Island, Arkansas. It is mostly for older folks, but they let a few of us spring chicken in for a higher price. I go because I don't have body image issues around old people and I get a good work out. Mostly the people are really nice.

This all came up because I heard this older gentleman say that he was a Hillary fan. I said wow, that's great. He asked who I was for and I said Obama and that is when his racist verbal assault attacked me. It went on and on. He is a democrat who is a racist. ONLY IN THE SOUTH!

So, when he took a breath. I said, "There is no room in my Democratic Party for a racist. I am disappointed in you and at your age you should know better."

Imagine me, a 38 year old Californian lecturing an 87 year old man in the gym on how to be a Democrat. The world never ceases to amaze and disappoint me.

Pop Goes the Poppy

Pop Goes the Poppy
Originally uploaded by cobalt123.

Yesterday was my mom's birthday. When she was 50 she changed her name from Gladys to Poppy. Next month it will be a year since she died and a little part of me can't believe it. Happy Birthday Mom.

Why Food Isn't My Politics

The Meat or No Meat debate is still going on at church and I will report on it as it unfolds, but I thought I should share why food isn't my political arena after writing this post.

10 years ago my family decided to try the vegetarian life style because I was looking for healthier alternatives, my daughter was experiencing some health issues that were related to an over active immune system, and we wanted to share in our belief of living as lightly on the earth as possible.

It was also a great way to snub those meat eating engineers that I worked with at Bechtel.

We chose to be vegetarian the same way I choose to not wear leather, drink, or smoke... because it is what I want to do.

All was going fine, we served my father in law an vegetarian Thanksgiving, we ate a lot of rice and beans, and we lost a lot of weight.

Three years after that we moved to an intentional community in Missouri for a year. We, again wanted to experience living as lightly on the earth, community, and a back to the land ideal. It was while living with 70 other people from all walks of life that I began to shift my ideas about food. We had vegans, vegetarians, meat and potato midwestern boys, dumpster divers... you name your foodie and it lived at East Wind.

What I began to realize was that food is only a choice for those who have the financial privilege to make that choice. It is an economics thing. If you come from a lower economic background or a definitive cultural background you will have food ideas around that. You MAY choose to break out of those ideas, but often, in the circumstances you CAN'T. You eat what is offered, and if you are lucky you are grateful.

It was the white middle and upper middle class kids that were offensively food oriented. THEY were making the RIGHT moral choice and they let you know in no uncertain terms that they were better because of it. Well, that screams of economic superiority, a bit of racism, and holier then thou attitudes.

These were CONSTANT conversations at East Wind while I was there and because of that tension and my  wanting to understand where everyone was coming from I chose that food was something to be thankful for in whatever form it takes.

Education and poverty were more important to me then what someone served me at dinner.

So, we moved back to San Francisco omnivores... and have stayed that way.

Forgot How To Have Fun

We have watched, in marathon style, Lost Season 3 and I realized after watching the character Hurley set up a golf course, ping pong table, and joy ride in a VW Bus that I don't know how to have fun anymore. I mean just fun for the sake of having fun.

I laugh a lot. I have to. Life is too ridiculous and hard not to laugh at what is happening. I have fun working and doing things that are productive. I enjoy parties and people, but I don't really plan moments in my life that are just fun.

I think that is just wrong.

Not everything needs to have a purpose. If I goof off for an afternoon the world will not come to a crushing halt. I might even learn to relax a little. Well, that would be a major event, but it could happen just a little.

So, even when life is driving me wild I think I am going to see what I can do to sneak in a little fun!

To Meat or Not To Meat That is the Question

Goodness there is a storm brewing in our little fellowship. It is all about food. Sometimes I think we talk about food too often in our church, but this current debate is sure to be a hot one. In one corner you have two women who thing the sight of meat on the buffet table is "pornographic" and on the other you have a third generation cattle farmer. In between, of course, is all the rest of us.

The two women who are erotically (OK THEY said "pornographic" and I can't get over the horrible use of the term in this situation) aroused by the meat we serve on Soup Sundays and holiday meals have asked the church to stop serving meat at any meal. This includes the annual barbeque, potlucks, and meals associated with the church in any way.

There was a meeting that I was too overwhelmed with my own life to attend two Sunday's ago and they asked to be added to the agenda.

Well, you couldn't have picked a hotter topic. There were some unhappy folks at that meeting. People saying they would quit coming if the church decided to do this. Even vegetarians seemed unable to see why we would censor the food.

The president, in all her good sense (thank god I'm not president anymore), asked that a committee be formed to research the needs of the congregation and report back in August at the next meeting. Gives people either a chance to calm down or heat up.

This Sunday is my turn to bring snacks and because I can be shitty I had thought about bringing an all meat smorgasboard. Something that really  made you think meat. Ribs, pork rinds, veal... that kind of thing. Instead, because I don't really eat all that much meat, I am bringing strawberries, angel food cake, apples, tequila salsa and chips. An easy snack... with no meat.

10 Things To Do While Your Family Isn't Home

I have the luxury lately of having the house to myself. My daughter is on a 12 day trip to the southwest with her school and my husband is shacking up with my dad while doing hospice. I have found a few things to take advantage of during this time:

1. Go to bed early: I usually go to bed around 11:00PM and although that isn't late it isn't early. Now that there isn't anyone asking me for anything I can go to bed at 9:00PM and not feel guilty about it.
2. Eat the strange little meals that only I like: Things like baked potatoes and steamed green beans, bell peppers with a little dip and scrambled eggs, cheese and apples, the list goes on!
3. Listen to NPR as loud as I want to: I can set the living room system to be loud enough to hear throughout the house.
4. Not do the laundry: Only I see it piling up and I have more then enough clothes to keep me clothed for many days!
5. Eat standing up in the kitchen: While listening to NPR, of course.
6. Go to the gym at anytime: I usually go to the gym when my daughter gets home from school so we can go together, it isn't the most convenient time for me usually. Now I can go when it is convenient for me.
7. Not watch TV: With no one home it just isn't ever a good time to watch TV.
8. Talk to the dog in my silly little doggie voice: I am not sure if he likes it, but I love to talk to the dog and no one is telling me I look stupid.
9. Not answer the phone: oh wait, I never answer the phone anyway.
10. Write: I have all the time I need or want to journal away... a huge luxury and I am loving it.

Things may be a mess and life is definitely hard, but I can relish in the little things. Not to mention that I have more time to work... no distractions and that isn't a bad thing either. Now, if I only wanted to clean the house more!

Feeling Better: It's a Crisis Dummy

Thank you so much for the support. I was beginning to think I did have to have it all together. I sometimes feel like my local friends, although they ask about how it is going with my dad, have no idea the magnitude of taking care of a loved one in hospice. It is a major undertaking.

I found myself quoting pieces of the comments given to me to family and friends yesterday. Things like:

"Okay, here's the deal.  You're not in real time right now.  You're in Crisis Time."

"There are some days where it all gets done, and there are some where it just doesn't."

It is helpful knowing that doing things at 75% (if I am lucky) is pretty normal. Now if I could just get them to stop nominating me for committee's at church.

How Do Other People Do It?

Not to complain, but I don't seem to be able to get it together. How do you do it? How do you do your laundry, clean your house, make nutritious meals, work, get gas, get to the post office on time, plant your garden, go to church, and not melt down in frustration?

I believe in that idea that you aren't given more then you can handle and by the devastating scenarios world wide my life is like cake, but lately I seem to be a bit overwhelmed. I'll just lay out what the last week alone has brought me:

1. We had flash flooding and the bridge that we use to walk across a creek to leave our house was taken out. We were stuck at our home for 2 days before being able to run across the swift moving water to our car safely parked on the other side. My husband was stranded at my dad's house caring for my dad who is in hospice.
2. My husbands truck died.
3. Our telephone pole was hit by lightening.
4. There is a mouse in my car somewhere (I can tell because it has been months since I have had the time to clean it out and the napkins in the glove compartment are all shredded into a mouse nest.)
5. Truck fixed and died again - different problem.
6. The hired care givers have changed dates twice about when they are available.
7. The sleeping bag that we were going to pack for my daughters two week school trip was moldy.
8. I temporarily lost my credit card.

I think that is all... that is the week.

Now, I don't want to complain because I think that is pointless... but HOW DO YOU DO IT? How do you get everything done? What are you secrets? Please share!

21 Days: New Spiritual Practices: Results

Well, I had started a new path to help build new spiritual practices by drinking more water and doing morning pages. Even in the chaos I call my life they seemed to build within me a sense of purpose or peace... or something.

I was successful at doing the water. It was easy to add more water to my diet... I just didn't drink other things. Instead of soda or juice I chose water. The plus was that I lost 2 pounds. Not bad. My skin looked better and I just feel better. This I will continue. Maybe I won't mark the water consumption on the calendar like I have been, but I will consciously choose water.

The morning pages were harder. I had great intentions to do them everyday, but I couldn't find the time on the weekends or I resisted doing them. I also made little effort to get up earlier to find the time. What I did find that works was to just do them whenever I had the time or the inclination. So, if after dinner I had a moment I would write three pages. It felt better to give myself the permission to not follow the rules. Rules that are made up anyway.

The interesting thing about the morning pages or pages was that I felt better. I felt like I was complaining less. I felt as if I could focus on tasks better. I felt more at one. One with me, my thoughts, my life. I touched on things that were difficult and then was able to communicate those ideas to my husband in ways that were meaningful and not filled with suffering. I could just talk about things that I was thinking about. It was if my head got clear and then I could speak clearly.

My goal is to keep both of these practices. Small spiritual steps. Now I am looking at two more practices to add. Perhaps meditation/sitting, maybe walking, maybe some form of prayer. I am not sure. I will let you know in the next week or so what micro-steps I take.