As I wrote I am slow to pick up on the red flags that are waved frantically in my face. It seems that when I am work mode I think I am invincible to the crazy behavior that happens around me and that I will be able to work through it. Let me tell you, that is never the case. I am an easy target for people with issues. The question is why?
Easy answer, my mom.
My mom was a brilliant, creative, sometimes inspired woman. She was also mean, grudge carrying, and bi-polar. So, I grew up in a household that was a little crazy and we tried to fix it and keep fixing it. Until there was no way we could patch the emotional holes or fill up the craziness with normal. She and we did the best we could.
In my private life I am able to stay clear of crazy. I don't invite it into the door. I don't ever make room for it at the table because I don't have the energy for it.
It is in my work life that it gets me. I am attracted to bullying women who are mean, unorganized, controlling, and in the end make my life miserable. It has taken me three years of bouncing from one crazy lady to the next to realize that there is a pattern.
I know, slow learner.
I can't fix them any more then I could have fixed my mom and this is the year I am going to quit trying.
I should say I don't blame my mom. She was who she was and she didn't make me try to make it work. That is just part of my personality. Just like the part that gets resentful after trying to make it work holding all the insane pieces in my hands while trying to put out a fire with my foot.
No more fires. No more emergencies. Not unless there is actual smoke and the fire department has been called. I have figured it out and I am going to heed the red flags! I am, and this is the harder part, say no thank you to those that have those red flags. Wish me luck!
