In the last few years I have begun to believe that something always fills a void. I am sure that there is a scientific principal surrounding this idea, but I am not a scientist. I am just a participant and observer in life. In my own small spectrum I have noticed the void be filled with good things, not so good things, things better then what was there before, and things I could never have imagined. The harder aspect of all of this filling is when the void being filled is the one left by me and when I want to return to the place I just exited.
I am usually one of the first to leave. I am not one to hang on. I leave jobs, friends, homes, committees, relationships, and clients, pets, families and more. I like to cut ties when I feel things aren’t working. I don’t run, usually, but I am clear when things aren’t working well and I move on, sometimes painfully and other times with hopefulness.
A few years ago I left my position as the Executive Director of an art school. I left for numerous reasons, some professional and some personal. Today I feel that I left for all of the right reasons. In other words, there are no regrets and from the surface it seems that the void I left was filled by someone far superior in her ability to manage the many aspects of that position. What happened though at the time of my exit I not only left a void at that institution, but at others I cherished deeply. I left due to my own burn out, hurt feelings, and frustration. I retreated into the sanctuary of my family and closest friend. What I noticed though, which is unbelievable to me, is that this same person has filled many of the other voids that I have left and by all accounts she is doing much better at all of it.
When I look at the larger picture you see voids of all kinds filled with any number of things. Parents who have tenuous connections with their teens find that they will fill their void with friends and create their own tribe, often with disregard to the family unit. People use substances, relationships, and work to fill voids. When they fill them with things that they think will create love and peace they are often sadly disappointed, but when they return to what would, perhaps, fill them with true clarity of spirit are they always welcomed back.
So that leads me to wonder, can you ever return to the place that you left? They say that you can never go home, but when you retreat do you lose all ability to reenter with grace and acceptance? I don’t know, but I do know. In the future I will be careful where I leave a void just in case I ever want to get back in.
