MoxieLife

Missing the Grown Up Gene

When do we get it all together? I am thinking maybe never. This week we visited an attorney to talk about my dad's estate. He died with nothing organized. No will, no paperwork, just a mess and I have been dealing with this mess for 18 months. I realize though that I am not that different.

We have no will. My husband and I are not legally married and if something were to happen to me he would have no say and get nothing. That is not a good situation. Worse case scenario is that if I was in the hospital and I was hooked to machines he wouldn't be able to carry out my wishes to not be like that. Same goes for him. Our daughter would be the decision maker and after all I have gone through with my parents that doesn't seem fair.

So, after some reflection I realize that we need some organization too. I am assuming a do it yourself NOLO kit will work for a Living Will and now seems like the right time to do it. Leaving it up to chance just seems scary.

I don't know where other people got their grown up gene - the one that tells them to care for their credit score, save for retirement, have a will, by stocks... I just missed that moment. I think I sailed over it right into responsibility without a clue. My parents, obviously, were not shining examples. I have had to, all these years, make it up as I go along. Perhaps a good high school or college class would be "getting your shit together and acting like a grown up". I probably would have skipped it, but it would have been nice to know that someone was offering it!

So, 2010 looks like the year that I start down that path with an easy Living Will and getting all that damn paperwork in order. 40 isn't too late, is it?

My 40th Year - 40 Things Challenge! The List!

It was great fun getting people to help me come up with my 40th Year - 40 Things Challenge. Granted I won't be doing all of the suggestions (sorry Dan, no yodeling in the town park), but it got me thinking about some of the things I want to do. Some serious, some foolish, some just for me.

A lot of people asked WHY I wanted to do this and my answer surprised me a bit. I said, I want to have more fun in my life. I won't be remembered for how much or hard I worked. Life is so much more than work and to bring a little joy to this year is both needed and the path I want to take for the long run.

Although I don't really talk about work here - I work all of the time. I spend most moments thinking about work, solutions, ideas... and it is great fun, but it isn't the whole of me - or at least I don't want it to be. I want to have a full robust life 365 days a year for the next 40 years!

One of the best things about asking other people to contribute to my list was to ask other people if THEY wanted to do the things with me. AND surprisingly they said yes! SO, I am opening that up to the universe too (or at least to the 10 people who might read my blog). If you see something on my list that YOU would like to do WITH me - let me know and I will do everything I can to make that happen. It has to be more fun with two, or three, or twelve! Join me!

I will be keeping track of my challenges here on my blog and on 43Things.com. Join me as I experience the next year as if I am living a reality show of my own making!

Jacqueline's 40th Year - 40 Things Challenge!

1. Walk and Win the 2 Mile Walk in the Victorian Classic in Eureka Springs (with Jean)
2. Picnic Somewhere New to me (with Kathy M)
3. Learn to Play Guitar (with Loretta)
4. Learn to Make Soap (with Donna W)
5. Do Yoga Once a Week (starting with a class with Jean)
6. Work Out (to some degree) Every Day (possibly join Gym with Kelly) - Basically move my ass!
7. Take a French Cooking Class (with Peggy)
8. Float the Buffalo River to Gilbert, Arkansas (with Amanda)
9. Do a Silent Retreat at Wattle Hollow and Reincorporate DAILY Meditation Practice (with Kath)
10. Take the Wild Cave Tour at Blanchard Springs Cave
11. Write a Poem Every Tuesday and Read it to Lynn L
12. Love Myself Completely (thanks for the reminder from Donna D)
13. Go on an Overnight Hiking Trip
14. Run My First 5K
15. Turn off the TV one Week a Month (this will be hard to convince my husband to do!
16. Journal Daily (even if it is just ONE word)
17. Write a REAL Letter to a REAL Person Once a Month
18. Finish Nanowrimo in November.
19. Say YES! - (At least more often than I say no) And Document What Happens.
20. Take a Dance Class
21. Practice Being Curious, not Judgmental.
22. Celebrate the Unexpected (Everything deserves celebration! Break out the Birthday Candles!)
23. Practice Paying Attention (Never do anything else while someone is talking to me)
24. Join a Group (or rejoin a group) and Go to Every Meeting (church? book club? Something new?)
25. Get my First Massage
26. Do one "art" project this year (interviews, photos, free hugs in the park, painting... something) and document it.
27. Make a List of Food I haven't Tried and Try All of Them
28. Be Generous (Time, Things, Money - Even When it is Really Hard)
29. Create A Tribe Retreat with My Friends (Like This Lovebomb Retreat)
30. Entertain (casually) at Least 5 Times at our Home (book club, cookout, dinner party...)
31. Get my Passport (and one for everyone in the family)
32. Speak in Public Somewhere I Haven't Spoken Before or On A Subject I Haven't Spoken About
33. Go Someplace with my Family we have Never Gone Before.
34. Finish my Dad's Probate
35. Save a Nest Egg (Starting from Zero - Let's See Where we can Go!)
36. Do a Daily To Do List - (The Goal isn't to DO everything, but to download it from my mind)
37.  Hug one new person a week (preferably someone I have not hugged before) (Submitted by Melodye!!!)
38. Take photographs of the challenges to create a book of this amazing 40th year. (Great suggestion!)
39.  
40.  

As you can see I am short by 2. I didn't do anything that is really DARING. No karaoke (the bars here all have smoking and that would be a turn off), sky diving, building a friends pizza oven, travel (I know what is realistic in our budget!)! But I am sure there are 2 more things that need to be done... any suggestions now that you have seen the list?

I am ready to start my Amazing Year!

Jacqueline's 40th Year - 40 Things Challenge

For those not coming to my festivities this evening (because I am lame and forgot to invite you or because you live too far) I am doing a "Jacqueline's 40th Year - 40 Things Challenge". I want to accomplish a list of 40 great things this year AND I want YOU to suggest them.

What should/would/could I do AND do you want to do any of them with me? I will post my list next week! Suggest away!!!! AND let me know if you want to do them with me!! I will add your suggestions to my suggestion box today!

Goodbye 30's... oh how I will miss you.

Today is my last day of my 30's. I LOVED being in my 30's and am a little nervous about being 40. For some reason I think 40 is old, outdated - just not 30 something. I thought I would do a rough overview of my 30's to get some perspective of what I am leaving behind:

• I started it by living at East Wind - an intentional community in Missouri. We went with great idealism and saw that crushed by the reality of people in different places in their lives.
• Went through my husbands darkest hours while he was hospitalized for depression in San Francisco.
• Saw my daughter thrive under a watchful teacher who saw her leadership skills - she talks with her still on Facebook.
• Worked with some of the greatest people of my life while living in San Francisco - and developed my own leadership skills and started the fermentation of the idea that it is all about relationships... business, pleasure, family... all of it.
• Left everything I ever knew to move to the south to slow down and dive deeply into a new community - feet first as they say.
• Was humiliated as I was fired from a very public job because I refused to pretend that corruption wasn't happen - and was later vindicated.
• Moved my parents to be nearer us and was wrapped into the web of caretaker reluctantly - and then suffered my greatest loss at losing them within a year of each other.
• Watched my daughter navigate her teens with strength, determination and a bit of mother daughter yelling that couldn't have been healthy.
• Thought I had ruined my marriage to only find it again - not intact, but ready to be pieced together with better glue.

What have I learned in my 30's:

• We all die.
• Every moment counts.
• Listen more.
• It is ok to not fit in.
• Everyone is cool in their own mind.
• Happiness is overrated - don't look for it - it is right there in the small things.
• Small is perfect - less is more - you don't need a bunch of crap.
• Connect - just connect with those you come into contact with - you never know who/what will make a difference.

So, on this last day of my 30's I am hopeful that I can come into a stride in my 40's, feel the power that surrounds me, find humor in all that life offers, and relax a little.

Wish me luck folks - I am, as usual, diving in feet first.

What my 40th year could look like or what experiment am I up to?

So, as I contemplate my 40th Year (and yes it should be in all caps) I have been thinking about what I want to focus on. I have always thought life was one big experiment - the largest being parenting (too bad blogs weren't around when I was a young mom) - and thought a year of experimenting on something might be fun. I went out and started looking at what has been done:

• One families experiment in "buying black" for one year.
• Living Oprah: My one year experiment living as the TV guru advises
• A one year "vision board" experiment
• The 100 Mile Diet: an experiment in local eating (great book)
• A one year experiment in eating nothing but wild food
• A year without a car
• This woman wore the same brown dress for a year.

OMG - the list goes on and on.

So, basically, it has all been done, but I haven't done it. Now I just have to figure out what my THING is. Here are some of my current ideas:

• Stage monthly random happenings in my small town with and without the help of others and document them.
• Vow to sit/meditate every day.
• Work to become really fit (hire a trainer, run a 5K, etc.).
• Stop shopping for one year.
• Learn a new thing each month.
• Make a list of 40 things I want to do and work to do them all.
• Get really serious about my career.

Oh, I don't know. All of it sounds trite. I want it to be meaningful, hard, and at the end fabulous... oh and if I could be rewarded in the end with either personal satisfaction, monetary gifts, or fame I would be thrilled - no small request.

To be honest I feel like I need to do my next big thing. I am no longer the youngest one in the room. There are smarter, quicker, more inspired people doing more and I need to get a move on before I am old and slow. Any ideas for my year?

Not quite 40, but definately freaking out.

I am beginning to get a little unhinged. It all started at dinner last Saturday. I was talking with my friend about my upcoming 40th birthday and what I wanted to do. She had lots of great suggestions - including registering (note: I have never been registered before because my husband and I are not legally married and I never had a baby shower) - although all of them seemed like too much work.

When I think back on my 20th I was pregnant with my daughter, on my 30th I was living in an intentional community, and now I am back with my husband and my daughter is in college. For the first two big milestones I don't think I celebrated more than with a cake and a candle. Somehow this seems more important.

So much so I have taken to crying in the shower about it.

40 - it is just a number, but it seems so weighty. I thought I would have done more by now. I thought I would know what I was doing. I thought life would be simpler, more exciting, more stable, more something. I thought I would have made some mark by now... I think it is more than just a number... it is a symbol for what I have done, what I am doing, and where I am going.

And THAT is freaking me out.

So, the party. Nothing planned as of yet. The big day is September 24th. More importantly is what I want to do with my 40th YEAR. I feel like it should be special. It should have meaning - I should be doing something. I just can't put my finger on what that thing is.

Except reading all of my friends 40th birthday/year blog posts, facebook posts and wondering how they got where they are. I am happy that most of them seem fulfilled or that they are on the right path (one is a doctor for goodness sake, of course he is on the right path). I just wish I knew what I was doing.

PS - I don't even like how forty is spelled - were is the u?