MoxieLife

June Goals - The Power of Three

I can't believe it is June. There was a moment in May that I thought summer had come and gone - yes, I have time issues. Like I zoomed over it somehow. I haven't though, it is right here staring at me in the face. Time for some summer goals - but first I'll just start with June.

1. Excercise at least 3 days a week. I am contemplating the Nike app that my daughter loves so much. So far I haven't been motivated at all, but perhaps if it is an actual goal I'll commit.
2. Eat as many meals with vegetables as possible - this includes breakfast and lunch.
3. Paint the trim in the living room. I have the paint, there really isn't any excuse not to do it.

There are a million other things I want to do, but I know that if I put too much there none of it will get done. 3 things. I can do three things.

Four New Things in My Life

Now that I am back in the swing of things I am diving into life with gusto - like a Tropicana commercial or a Ford Truck (yes, I came of age on television and it is my most often thought of cultural reference). With that I am trying the following things:

• Just Get Up: This is the most fought thing in my life. Getting up when I don't have to. I have always gotten up to meet a deadline, get to a meeting, go to work and if I don't have a schedule I will just wait to get up until I actually have to. So, say 8:45 instead of 7AM. The idea of having a relaxing morning is not something I grew up with or am used to. But I am trying it. I am getting up the 2nd time the dog says something. He first goes out at 6:15 and I let him out - I COULD get up then, but I don't. I get back into bed. I get up when I let him back in. This is new and although I feel fine I went to bed at 9:30 last night, so there is that.
• 20/20/20: So, now that I have these hours before I really have to get to work I am doing a new routine. 20 minutes of sitting meditation, 20 minutes of writing and 20 minutes of movement. I figure I will try this for 20 days. I am on day 2... so far so good.
• MyFitnessPal.com: A friend posted that she needed to lose 10 pounds on Facebook because her doctor said she did. Another friend of hers commented that she uses MyFitnessPal the app and online site to keep track of her food diary, exercise and water intake. I have 30 pounds to lose. 30. Which to me is a big number and I figured if her friend who has lost 30 pounds did it this way I could try it too. It doesn't cost anything, but it is a bit of an obsessive way to live. Yesterday if I had just not had the Vivani dark chocolate my day would have been perfect - but,well, I wanted chocolate.
• Chips Ahoy: No, not the cookies (I hate those cookies). Chips. I love chips. Spefically corn tortilla chips. I eat them every single day with salsa. Fresh salsa. I love it. It is crunchy and salty goodness. But really, they should be called "Fried Food for Fatty Mc Fat Fats". Seriously. They are just as bad a fried chicken, doughnuts, and all other amazingly tasting fried things that are bad for you. Tortilla Chips = Fried Food. And the serving size is 7. 7 chips. Come on. Who is going to eat 7 tortilla chips. So, I am looking for an alternative - or I have to give them up and that makes me sad.

What's new in your world?

Not Defending Mine

Today I have been thinking about the need to respond, defend, or say something. Do we really need to? All of the time?

Here is the scenario. I posted the above photo on Pinterest to share with my daughter. I have a board called For Noodle where I share things I think she would like. A whole bunch of people look at that board, but I don't care. I treat it like a private conversation with my daughter that you are welcome to overhear.

Because I didn't realize, I had allowed those boards to also be shared on Facebook. (This seems like such a "First World Problem" (a term I don't love, but you know what I mean.)

It was there that a woman I kind of know from my small town commented ,"Is that a gun she's holding? Ugh!"

In which I felt the need to defend my post by saying, "I actually love retro western guns... It's all Annie Oakley."

Which she replied, "I think it still sends a "wrong message"...one should NEVER point a gun!"

Now, I know this innocuous. It is a small thing. What I felt though was the need to DEFEND myself and that need rose quickly through me. Seconds.

But what if there is another way. What if we lay ourselves out there. Our words. Our thoughts. Our ideas. Our art. Our likes and dislikes. And we don't defend them.

The reason this matters is that if we think about what we are saying, doing, sharing we wouldn't need to defend them. If we stand behind them with all of our integrity then what other people think is just what they think. It doesn't effect what we have shared, done or created. We can let them have thier own thoughts about it.

When I think about this I realize I have spent a lifetime defending myself. My fists balled up at my sides, lips pursed, ready for a fight. That feeling is uncessary or if it is it can also just pass through like a cloud on a breezy day. What a different way to live and experience others. Me having my thoughts. You having yours. Me not defending mine.

Life My Way Part 6 - 3 Solid Steps

In all of this observance about how I am spending my time, how I am feeling and what direction I want to take myself I realized I needed to try something. Anything. So, I am doing the Don't Break The Chain Method popularized by Jerry Seinfeld - yep, that Seinfeld.

The idea is you pick three things and you commit to doing them everyday. You make a big red X on the calendar after you do you things. You don't want to miss a day because you don't want to break the chain.

My three things: Sit for 20 minutes (meditate), Write for 20 minutes (anything), and exercise for 20 minutes (walk, crunches, whatever).

That's it. Nothing that is life altering - except I think committing to doing them is rather life altering. We shall see what changes - good and bad - happen by keeping this practice for 30 days. 

I don't want to be the person who talks about mediation, writing or exercise. I want to be the person who does them. I'm on day 2... we'll see how it goes.

Life My Way Part 5

Who owns your time? It feels like a lot of people do. It feels like work, taxes, family, check out lanes, television studios, authors, teams, book clubs, church. Some of those people you have to give your time to. That is how you get paid, are part of a community, have a family, fulfill your civic obligation - but even though you have to give a portion of your time do they own you? I don't think so.

Everyone talks about the advent of the cell phone as the great break down in the boundaries for our time - your work could call you any time, day or night, and you were obligated to answer. Same for your husband, daughter, sister, aunt, and every other soul that you gave your number to. You no longer went to the grocery store alone and shopped. Instead, you consult with your family on what type of ice cream to buy. Your life doesn't seem like it is yours.

Now you tweet, facebook, instagram, text, check in all of your experiences too - adding another layer to the already finite time that we have.

I think there is a serious problem with all of this - yes, it may seem outrageous to those that know me and know I am just as tied to my devices as anyone, but they also know that I live with it in my own terms. 

I'll never forget when my friend realized that I don't answer the phone. I let people leave a message or as prompted by my email encourage them to send me an email. I use the phone as a tool in my life. She couldn't believe it. Not answer the phone? That is unheard of. It is ringing. You answer it. Your life is disrupted in a million different ways. My motto is it is a tool and I will handle the distractions when I really can handle them. Radical.

So, what if you applied this to the rest of your life? I know a father who is struggling with his teenage daughter who is tied to Facebook like it is an umbilical cord. She judges every moment as to how she will post it. That is a reality of where we are today. His impulse is to pull the plug. My thought is that we have to teach our children and ourselves that these things are tools to be used to enhance our life - not be chained to them.

This month my practice is to watch where I am spending my time and giving myself space to respond to email, text, phone messages, etc. in a way that is thoughtful and not rushed. And when I am feeling that sense of anxiety about the 27 emails one client sent on a Sunday night at 11PM or the need to blog, photograph, tweet and facebook every ounce of my life. - to watch the feelings and to wait, respond/record when I have real time, and breathe.

Trust me. This is a practice not a perfection!

Life My Way Part 4

I was thinking last night that maybe we need to balance our life in thirds. 1/3 for Thinking, 1/3 for Doing and 1/3 for Not Doing. I think so much of our time is spent rushing around that we aren't spending the time to have thoughtful, or heaven forbid profound, thoughts. Even without being too intellectual about it, I think we are missing the time we need to process our own thoughts. We consume media, words, music, sounds, other peoples ideas at a rapid rate without giving ourselves the time to think what we think about it all - we just rush off to the next thing.

If it wasn't for book club I don't know if I, or any other woman, would really spend the time thinking about what we are reading. We just consume books like soda or candy - in they go with no real nourishment.

But it isn't just books it is all the things we do. We rush from one place to another, from one activity to another without really enjoying what we are doing. Just getting to the next thing and then the next thing. This rushing creates an anxiety that is shaking our core.

I remember when my daughter was little and we were rushing to Sunday School. We were late. As usual. I was yelling at her that I hated to be late. She was sitting there small and sad. And I felt terrible. What the hell was I doing rushing to church when I could have had a lovely morning with her and got there when I got there - or not, but there wouldn't have been that moment of pain for me and then for her? It wasn't until years later that I realized that rushing wasn't worth it. And it was she who taught me. We were in line at Walmart and using the automatic check out thing, all of which I hate. The items weren't scanning well and the person behind me was fidgeting. I was getting anxious and she said to just stop and slow down. It didn't matter that there were people behind us we could just do it at our own pace. It was a HUGE aha! moment for me. She was right. The person fidgeting would either wait or change lines. I could go at my own pace and not rush. I could feel ok about it. Life changing.

So, the idea that we could separate our lives into equal parts thinking/contemplating - doing - not doing is really appealing. Think about a life where you think about what you have read, where you actually listen to the radio, where you write about your experiences and reflect on them. What would that life look like? I'm not sure, but it is getting more and more interesting to me.

(Note, yes I know these are white, middle American problems. No need to remind me.)

Life My Way Part 3

 

Lately, the theme of conversation between my daughter and I is the idea that people really don't take control of their own lives. They allow devices, ideas, other people, obligations, etc to run what they do and they seem wildly unhappy and pretty overwhelmed.

 

Today at an early morning meeting one of the attendees complained that they just get too much email each day to process it all. The youngster in me wanted to laugh and say that was the way the world worked now so you better get used to it, but I didn't. I just listened. It seems to me that there are a couple of things going on with comments like this (and I hear them a lot).

• People don't know how to use their electronic tools to serve them best (setting up email rules, sending email that has clear direction, etc.)
• People feel obliged, because they carry a device with them, to answer respond immediately. That pressure is getting to them. We watched an episode of Portlandia last night that had a pretty funny bit about being overwhelmed by the technology loop.

First, there is learning about the tools in the technology. My daughter surmises that over 2/3 of people don't understand about using rules in email. When I showed her that it was much easier to process what was happening - and deal with it in a timely, organized way.

Deeper is the idea that we HAVE to respond. Guess what, you don't. You don't have to answer your phone. You don't have to answer email unless there is a direct response needed - and even then it is your choice. You don't have to hook into every social media outlet that is out there. You can choose to do so at the time/place you want to. My daughter recently deleted the Facebook and Pinterest app from her phone. She found that she was spending/wasting too much time there and she could do that when she was on her computer instead - which isn't as often.

We have the control to use our tools how we want to - I know that there is compelling feeling when a message beeps up or a dinger goes off (we are a little Pavlovian in that way), but that feeling of being tied to a machine is stopping us from mastering our lives. We set the rules - if we know how to use the tools. We set the boundaries. We tell the world how we want to play.

I wish that I could empower that one person - maybe I'll teach a workshop on mastering your time/technology when all of this is over. Because although my first instinct was to laugh at their inability to play well with technology, my real reaction is I am there too and we need to get out of that cycle and start using technology to benefit our lives - to rule them.

I think Louis C.K. says it very well - "Everything's amazing and nobody's happy." Love this.

Life My Way Part 2

Last week I shared about feeling overwhelmed. That feeling hasn't really subsided. What I see is I spend a lot of time:

• Playing around online
• Looking for stuff - unorganized piles of paper and stuff that I don't need
• Reading/watching/listening to things that don't feed me
• Talking on the phone
• Dealing with computer issues

Those things leave me feeling

• Feeling unproductive
• Unfulfilled
• Feeling rushed
• Overstimulated

Generally I have too much coming in and not enough going out. It is pretty simple - I am consuming a lot of information - some of it important, some not - and not doing enough with it.

I took some steps last week to make some changes:

• I upgraded my computer to Lion to sync all of my calendars to my iPad and iPhone. They weren't sycning before and I had some information on one device, some on another, and then other stuff on another. I have been so confused for 2 months. Now that is solved. Best $29.99 I have spent in a while.
• I found a handwriting/notebook to replace paper notebooks for my iPad. Now it is all in one place rather then a zillion pieces of paper.
• I bought a protector for my iPad screen - now it isn't so delicate and I can really start using it. Yes, it has taken me months to integrate the device into my life. 
• I stopped reading the book club book that we were reading this month, The Tiger's Wife. I just couldn't get into it and decided I didn't need to keep trying.
• I went to the library to have reading material that wasn't also hooked up to games, the web,Facebook, Twitter - to have an offline experience.
• I am integrating more yoga and walking.

This week I am going to schedule my days more. Be more disciplined. Just for a week and see how that goes. I am REALLY disciplined about meetings. I set them up, I prepare, I go, I act on what happened. So, I am going to schedule things like I schedule meetings and be really disciplined about them. I am also going to get a new project binder, go through the pile of mail, and pay all my bills so they aren't nagging me from the corner. I am toying with checking in with myself each hour to see where I am and what I am doing, but I don't think I need that extra pressure right now. I will also continue to add yoga, but also either more writing practice or sitting practice - both I have been really lax on for quite some time.

The crazy thing is that I live a REALLY simple life. I have a garden, live next to a park I walk in, live in a small town, work part time (although it is really full time) and all this extra pressure is my own. I realize that this is my life and I can do what I want with it. I don't have to push things in, waste time, or do what other people say. I am in the unique position that I have crafted a simple, beautiful life. It is time I started living it. That time is now, step by step.

 

Challenge Met

My Challenge was to read 41 books this year. Challenge met.

Carrot Sweet Potato Soup Du Jour

I never make soup from a recipe unless I am trying something new. And now that the autumn weather has rushed in it is definitely soup weather. Last night I whipped up this bowl of (vegan) Carrot Sweet Potato soup in about 30 minutes and it was both beautiful and exactly what I hoped for - strong flavored, beautifully colored and the perfect end to a cold and blustery day.

Ingredients:

1 yellow onion chopped

A dash of olive oil

Salt to taste

Pepper to taste

A big dash (probably a tablespoon) of cumin

A dash of paprika (teaspoon)

A dash of turmeric (teaspoon)

3 carrots, peeled and chopped

1 large sweet potato, peeled and chopped

5 cups of water (4 would make the soup creamier)

Directions:

Heat the oil in a large pot and then add onions. Cook until softened, but not brown (5-7 minutes). Add carrots, sweet potato, and all spices to the onions. Cook for 3-5 minutes stirring often. This will allow the spice blend to meld a bit with the onion and oil as well as "roast" the vegetables a little, adding depth of flavor. Add the water. Cook, uncovered, until the vegetables are soft. This took me 25 - 30 minutes and might have took less time, but I got busy reading and forgot to check on it.

After the vegetables have cooked thoroughly either use an immersion blender (which is what I did) right in the pot. I don't even turn the stove off, yes that is probably dangerous, but it is how I roll in the kitchen. The other option is to use a blender which I find to be a pain, but would totally work. Make sure that you work in batches to blend the soup though because it will or could explode. Hot liquids, plus blenders, equals explosions.

Serve soup immediately.

Options:

I considered adding half and half, cream or even soy milk to make this richer, but went for the vegan version instead. You could also add a dollop of sour cream to the top of this soup or swirl in some cream at the end, which would be pretty. Another idea would be to use this soup as a base for a hearty stew type meal, adding green beans, corn, and northern white beans, but again, I went for simple.

Addendum: I totally blocked it out. I also put half a jalapeno that I minced in the soup. We grew them so I add them to everything and don't even think about it. But I shouldn't have forgotten! I had touched the edge of my right eye some time after handling the pepper and my eye was on fire. Fire! After much rinsing, I ate soup. Which was great and not hot at all.