I was at the Arkansas Women Bloggers conference last month when author and speaker, Lela Davidson shared that menopause or peri-menopause wasn't making her hot and angry it was giving her a bout of the weepies. I can relate. Case in point:
I was driving in my car towards a fun afternoon at the #lipperfect Therapon party with the Northwest Arkansas Bloggers (#NWARK) on Saturday listening to All Songs Considered* on our local NPR affiliate station KUAF. The theme was songs from your college days, and although my husband and I were nontraditional students (you wouldn't think otherwise, would you) the song they chose from our time period was from U2's album Rattle and Hum.
Now, our song is the Thermos song from The Jerk. It should have been the ukulele song from that movie, but we resist being overly romantic in some knee jerk way. But driving in my car that my husband had cleaned, vacuumed, gotten gas, checked the fluids, washed the windows I realized our song should have been that song from U2. We LOVE U2. They are from our generation 100%. All I Want Is You is epic, beautiful and, apparently, brings instant tears to my eyes - and it came out the year that he and I met.
The next day I told him about it and I was trying to describe the song, because I couldn't remember the title. He found it on YouTube and played it... instantly turned into a puddle.
You say you'll give me
Eyes in a moon of blindness
A river in a time of dryness
A harbor in the tempest
But all the promises we make
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is you
Oof. Enought to just melt me.
Anyway it happened again when my daughter and I were watching STOMP at the Walton Arts Center. I was gifted a pair of tickets at the #lipperfect party and we were excited to go. What fun! I love Taiko drumming so this evening promised some of that amazing percussion and rhythm while being fun and, I assumed, more urban. It didn't disappoint. There was one portion where they turn down the stage lights and do this amazingly loud throbbing beat using the actual set as the percussion instruments and in that moment tears came rushing to my eyes. No real reason, except, and this is a bit heartbreaking, it is that moment when I realize I couldn't/wouldn't ever be able to share something like this with my sister.
Obviously, her sudden death has had an impact and being in the midst of whatever hormonal mix is going on isn't exactly the easiest thing either. Put the two of those things together and I just get all melty all over the place. I know, too, that my only way to really deal with the pain of the loss is to do it in small increments. It just hurts too much to have one big cry over it all. So it sneaks up on me at random moments.
So, if you see me suddenly rush towards my purse looking for my Kleenex you know what I am doing. I should have a badge that says "Warning Weepiness Could Occur" at any freaking moment, and any place. Pass the tissue!
Photo: Sitting in our seats at the WAC waiting for STOMP!