The year has pushed off and I can already feel myself wanting it to slow down and wait for me. I have had a cold for several weeks and it has slowed me down significantly and I have been working on a number of projects that kept me busy. Sick and busy. That was not how I wanted to begin my new year. Granted, I know that the Gregorian calendar is arbitrary and I can "start" any day that I like. Somewhere though there is a feeling that I didn't get this year off the way I should have.
Ugh. Shoulds.
Or maybe it is perfect. I don't really know.
What I have learned is that when I am sick, I am sick. I need to shut off and heal - not push myself to meet some crazy expectation I think others have of me. Instead to be clear that I am not well and I am taking the time to get better. That would be honest. Instead my mode has been to work no matter what. To push. To go. To get crabby. To not be at my fullest and then feel bad that I wasn't at my fullest. That has to stop. Sick? Stop. Period.
I have also learned that busy is ok, but doing work that isn't meaningful isn't. I was working on a number of projects, many that I really enjoyed. One though, well, I should have listened to the tone of that first email that was hostile. Ick. Lesson learned. I have a way of working that is in collaboration and partnership with my teams. I am not a creative robot that spits out amazing ideas on demand. So, instead of feeling that I need to meet some expectation that doesn't feel right at the start I need to clearly define how I work with people - and do that consistently.
So, maybe the year started out right. Maybe it was all a lesson - it is all lessons it seems. Learning how to be in this crazy world. Maybe that is my theme for the year - the lessons I need to learn. Oh, scratch that, that is terrible!
Let's just say my year, well, it hasn't started yet. I'll know when it has and I will rejoice!
Flickr Photo: Pinti1
