MoxieLife

Not very cool or why I am so unhip

Do you ever get that feeling that you just aren't very cool? OK I know that 39 year old women shouldn't be worrying about their cool factor, but really sometimes it bothers me how not cool I am am. Here are 3 groups of things that make me feel particularly uncool.

1. Reading Ready Made, Craft, and McSweeney's makes me feel terribly unhip. I am not a cool crafter or quirky writer who makes good on an epic poem. I read these things because I like them, but they nag at me that I missed my cool boat so long ago. - See I became a mom at 21 and that left the cool world way behind. When all my friends were designing their own wallpaper, crafting their own studio space, or defining their genre I was changing diapers and learning the words to Raffi (which I can pretty much still sing word for word.)
2. Nose rings, tattoos, and multicolored hair make me fee old. I was so afraid of pain when I was younger that my only off peircing is a faux diamond stud at the top of my left earlobe. I wouldn't let them do the right ear because it would hurt and I haven't changed it for 20 years. Sad. I always wanted to pierce my nose, get a tattoo that said something odd and dye my hair. Well, I used to dye my hair when I was young (16 - 20), but then I went sort of corporate and blond/white and pink or horribly vivid red just didn't seam right - everyone had perfectly sculpted highlights... I couldn't do that. So boring mousy brown it has been, pathetically unhip.
3. Political activists, social protests, movements make me feel out of touch. I always felt too balanced - to fair to get to involved with any one movement or politically active group. When I was really young I went to rally's and meetings about nonproliferation, but that wasn't very hip either. I never marched in San Francisco, took over an office building on a campus, or participated in anything remotley grass roots. I wasn't hip enough - I just look to square to be accepted by radical thinkers... even though I may be more left leaning then they are.

So, there they are. Three things that when I am accosted/transfixed with make me feel unhip. I know it is silly to want to be cool, but I just do. Sometimes. I know that people who design their own line of ugly dolls, where mismatched clothes, have a pierced eyebrow, read Proust, and fight for abortion rights are just regular people too, but deep down I think they are living some hip life that I am missing out on.

Next up will be why I don't feel sophisticated enough - oh boy the joys of hearing me gripe more about why I don't fit in! Can't wait.

Christmasitis - A Serious Case Reported in Eureka Springs

This is a serious syndrome in our house. Usually our lovely Sparkly Girl gets it first and it spreads quickly, but this year the honor belongs to the Man of the House. He woke up really early yesterday and went shopping - he said that when he was running down the aisles and asking for help to find something he knew he had been infected.

Seriously! A grown man has come down with the seasons fastest spreading disease - Christmasitis!

Protect your loved ones by not shopping anymore, stop baking, turn off that damn carol - oh wait... you feel it a little bit too? You want to wear red and green. Well, you might as well give into the craziness of the season. You only get this once a year and it ends abruptly Christmas morning - so enjoy your candy canes, sing Fa La La la la, light your candles, and try a bit of fruitcake.

It won't kill you and who knows you might even have a bit of fun.

Rick Warren - Apparently UU's Don't Like You

Are you jealous? He is wildly popular. His books sell in record numbers. He gives his salary back to his church. He lives in a dinky house in Southern California. He is talking about AIDS in a primarily Republican/Homophobic region and denomination.

Why do we as Unitarians care if Warren is the choice that Obama made for his inauguration. I know. I am not going with the status quo here, but think about it - Obama is trying to reach the entire country. Not everyone voted for the man, and he needs to appeal to Christians. People who probably voted for McCain. He needs them to tune in and hear what he has to say. I think it was genius to ask the most popular Christian on the planet to be part of his inauguration - they will listen to Warren and maybe stick around to hear what Obama has to say too.

If we were really going to be up in arms about something it would be that there is religion as part of the ceremony at all - where is our defense of the separation of church and state? It appalls me that we have a prayer, bible, and God hanging around our political arena at all - yet the UU's are silent about that. You just don't like the choice - you are forgetting that there shouldn't be one at all.

I just wanted to pay the bill.

So, my dad passed away in May. I had been caring for his house and such for 6 months while he was in the hospital and hospice and since his death. I have been paying his bills (we are keeping his house until the market gets better and we can sell it - or find an incredibly great renter). His bills for the house (electricity, water, etc.) are still in his name and get forwarded through the post office and I pay them.

Get the theme here, I pay them.

So, his electricity bill was due and I went to drive to the office to pay it, but my car wouldn't start. I looked at the bill and realized that it was to on this day - it had to be paid or they would charge me $55 to reconnect it. Oh, goodness.

I went inside to call my husband to tell him the car wouldn't start and see if he could come home to look at it (which is really the extent of what he will do because he doesn't really know anything about cars, but at least he can deal with it in some way and I won't have to.)

Then I called the electric company to tell them that I was planning to come in today to pay my dad's bill, but I couldn't now because my car broke down. I would be there tomorrow.

No. They would have to disconnect the service.

I explained that I had been paying this for months and that we are talking about $24.47. This isn't a lot of money and I would have my husband bring it to them tomorrow.

Well, what was my dad's social security number. I said I didn't know off hand and I would have to dig through his paperwork to find that. I also, at this point, said something like "You have had no problem cashing my checks for over a year and now you won't make a note on his account that I will be there tomorrow to pay the amount in full?"

Although I don't think I was that nice.

I said fine, I would hang up and dig through his paperwork to find his social security number so they could note the account that it will be paid.

I hung up. FUMING.

I then realized that I didn't need to have his number - I could just pay through their automatic payment system with my checking account and be done with it. OK - I called them back to tell them that they COULD have recommended that to me and that maybe a little understanding would have been nice.

I hate that they take my money, but they won't talk to me about anything. VERY frustrating.

The Gray Ribbon - Depression's Ribbon of Hope

Mental illness is something that is part of my family - my Mother was bipolar, my Aunt has struggled with a variety of things throughout her life, my husband suffered from depression and now my sister has tried to commit suicide. I am not sharing this to get sympathy - although kindness is always welcome. I am sharing this because I believe that we know more people who deal with one form of mental illness or another then we know people who have cancer - or maybe it is even. I just think that the stigma of mental illness is still so great that until we talk about it openly we are going to always have to hide our suffering - where is the ribbon for those that are dealing with depression?

As far as I can tell, in our family, depression and severe mental illness is inherited. It is a chemical imbalance that just does our women wrong - the help that they receive is vital to their success in life (and often comes much too late.)

Please, if you know someone dealing with depression, anxiety, or some other symptom please don't be embarrassed to talk about it. It is just as much a part of life as headaches and biopsies. Let's share our reality and help people get the help they need. It is nothing to be ashamed of - really.

Sleep Can Kill You - or so they say

I sleep too much. I don't think I am depressed I just like to get cozy in the bed and then I don't really want to get out of the bed - it is, well, too cozy. This, though isn't good. My husband read that it can lead to Alzheimer's - or an increase mortality rate. Sleeping can kill you, I guess. So, for the next 30 days. Starting tomorrow I am getting up at 6:30 - yes, I know, many of you get up that early already. You just don't have the cozy bed that I have. After 30 days I'll see how it goes - I know after 21 days it will be a habit. How long do you sleep?

Daddy Santa - Or How I Came to Be So Special

I was chatting on Twitter and jakrose said, "So the radio said today that 1 out of 5 women secretly want to get it on with Santa Claus. Can this possibly be true?" I replied that yes, it is true. My dad dressed up as Santa and on December 24, 1968 I was conceived - while he as Santa. Yep, I am a child of Santa - so that makes me a little bit special, don't ya think.

Granted jakrose went on to ask, "@goodwolve how exactly do you know that your dad was dressed as Santa when you were conceived? What parents would spill that info?" Well, I had to remind him that it was the sixties and that they were a little hippy dippy and shared way too much information with their children.

So, be good boys and girls because I have a direct line with Santa - but according to the radio there might be more of us out here who have a little ho ho ho in us!

Crappy Days - My Fault or Yours?

So, do you just have crappy days that start out wrong. Like - not so terrible that there are bombs going off outside - really I don't know what that would be like and I am blessed. I am just talking about normal, white, lower middle class, educated elite, rural living crappy days.

You know the kind - you misinterpret your sweeties call for love and that goes badly, you spill the coffee grounds all over the counter and floor, the dog barfs on the carpet - twice, and you are waiting for ice pellets to fall from the sky.

Those kinds of days - usually because it is me. I could be nicer, kinder, more exact with my communication and movements.

I realize that!

I just wish that the day would start out nice and keep going that way - I'll stop whining and hope for better days tomorrow.

Celebrate the holidays privately - or at least don't put Jesus in the public square

I am thinking of writing a letter to my local paper - but thought I would run it by all of my UU bloggers first. Perhaps it is too Bah Humbug and I should just shut up - let me know your thoughts and if I do send it I'll update it with a link.

Dear Editor,

It seems that we are full swing into the winter holiday season in our little town as evidenced by the seasonal decorations that are strewn upon our cultural landmarks. These bursts of Christmas joy are in our downtown park, local library, and hung upon every light post through the town. I wonder if the separation of church and state were considered when these decorations were purchased and hung with care? It seems to me that littering our public spaces with religious symbolism would be in direct violation of our rights as citizens to worship privately and spend no public funds in celebration of any one religious holiday. The blatant use of Christian imagery throughout our town is in direct conflict with that right - if there had been an attempt to include the various religious holidays that are present within the winter months (Jewish, Hindu, and Pagan to name a few) there would be less of a pause for reflection of public funds and time spent in religious activities. Until we can be inclusive of all the many religious traditions I suggest that we put an end to public displays and celebrate our religious festivities privately in our homes and places of worship. Protecting our right to worship as we choose is guaranteed by the separation of church and state - I would hate to see a state religion of any kind and unfortunately we seem to be headed down that slippery slope.

So gentle readers - am I just a scrooge?

Are you naughty or nice?

Are you naughty or nice? I have been thinking about an ongoing observation that I have had with conversations online - the naughty ones. No, not porn, fetishes, or dirty talk - I am talking about people being snarky.

I know, the pot calling the kettle black, but I am concerned that we might have an epidemic happening in culture. The culture of snark.

We are mean, biting, down right rude to other people on their blogs rather then taking a moment and considering how they would talk to them in person.

We aren't questioning our behavior only the writing/ideas of those we comment on. We are judgmental and unkind.

All of this is a pattern - I think we are wounded people. All of us. Every single one of us and rather then work through our own issues (yeah, I know another pot and kettle) we are lashing out innapropriately.

The real problem is that it is acceptable. Even welcomed in some circles to be a harsh as possible.

This concerns me that we are building or shaping a society that tolerates this reptilian behavior. It is almost as if the sharper the comment the brighter we think the author. There is something wrong with this and I would love to hear your thoughts - we have the opportunity to shape culture and perhaps this is one area that we could offer guidance.

Perhaps it is as easy as Stop, Think, Write, Delete.